Complicated story, Please read

Reply Sat 20 Sep, 2014 02:35 pm
Hi!, I'm a girl 23yrs old, I needed an advice or opinions please, here's my story:

Four years ago I got in a relationship with someone for the first time, I really liked him and even though I have a little hint that he is not that serious to me I still decided to go out with him. Then after a month of our relationship I heard, and confirmed directly from him that he asked a girl that happens to be a friend of mine to go out and have a relationship with him. That really broke my heart but still forgived him and continued on seeing him, after that time he started to become more open to me, I also started to asked questions about his past relationships like how many times does he two timed his girlfriend. I learned that he done it ones or twice and he doesn't last long with his relationships. He also said that our 2 months span of relationship at that time was his longest so far with his past 7 girlfriends. After the incident I genuinely felt that he loved me back and he changed so much that he even do better in school which is at that time we are both in college. After some time he started to ask for sex which I believe at that time I am not yet ready emotionally and psychologically. I am still so hurt, shocked about our difference and most of all I still don't trust him. But after a month of asking he started to get cold to me, he won't see me no matter how many times I asked him and he started to create excuses in not communicating to me. After thouroughly thinking I decided to end our relationship (actually he is the one who broke up I just created a conflict so he could open that up). But after some days he still shows interest towards me and a close friend of him told me that he wants us to get back together, he even situations so that we could have a bonding together. I do plan on getting back together with him if he just ask me directly, but it did not happen. I got tired of waiting for him and as a way of moving on I decided to ignore him, as time goes by, I think he got tired and bored so he decided to distance himself and stop seeing me. After a year I heard he got his present girlfriend pregnant.

Two years after that relationship and a year after I graduated, I decided to open up more to meet new people, theirs one who go interested, I tried to know him hoping that I might fall in love again, but I really can't find the right emotions to go out so I decided to stop it and move forward again. Then in my current work place I happen to meet someone who has the same body built as my ex-boyfriend, He got interested to me so I thought maybe he could be the one to remove these lingering feelings that I still have, Then he suddenly stop getting close to me, but then I realized I just kept on remembering my ex-boyfriend just being with this person and it made me long for him more. So I decided to contact him again, he responded and we started to have a communication via a texting. At the same they we started texting he ask me if I am still interested to have a relationship with him again ad they are married but I never got to confirm it. I ask about his girlfriend, the one he got pregnant and said that they are living together along with there son. I confirmed that he will betray his girlfriend and said that he will never become a good bf/husband or a partner, as long as he is a good father is enough for him. So I decided to get in a relationship again with him, knowing the grave sin of doing so.

We are currently communicating though he is doing it secretly and again I ask his past relationship after ours 4 years ago. I thought that he changed because he is still currently in a relationship status in Facebook, but it became more mess up than I thought. He got into scandalous situations many more times, like getting in a relationship with a married woman and getting in a tangled and concurrent relationship with his girlfriends. After asking some more questions I realize that he is afraid to get in a serious relationship and get hurt so he get a girlfriend with half-hearted resolve to protect himself. So I decided to love him unconditionally without expecting much from him hoping that maybe by doing so he will realized that their is someone out there that he could trust his feelings into. One week from now I decided to give myself to him so I ask him in a date, it really is a big decision for me someone who grow up in a conservative environment having a mindset that I should only give my purity to my husband. But it is the only way I know so that he could trust all his feelings to me, hoping that I could change him and save him in that kind of thinking and the future conflict he my get into. I believe he just need someone to guide him or show him that there really someone out their that will never live him.

I need really need your advice or opinions please, it really is a big turn of events in my life I might lose the opportunity to have a peaceful and happy family that I dreamed of and my reputation is at stake here, but I just can't leave him as he is now I will really regret it all my life, but it is just painful knowing my illegal position in his life and the lies that he still kept on telling me. About the real status of his relationship with his family, are they really living together? It is just different on what I am learning.
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Reply Sat 20 Sep, 2014 04:08 pm
Don't do it.

You are hoping that by giving him sex, that he will trust in you. "But it is the only way I know so that he could trust all his feelings to me, hoping that I could change him and save him in that kind of thinking and the future conflict he my get into"

Trust me. A girl that gives her body up for sex, is the last thing that is going to change a guy or make him trust a girl.

Morally..you answer your own question "So I decided to get in a relationship again with him, knowing the grave sin of doing so."

"Knowing the grave sin of doing so."

Knowing what is right/wrong is very important; however, doing the right thing is even more important.

Once you knew he was in a relationship, with a child, you should have considered him "Off Limits". However, you slowly started walking down that wrong path, and you are finding that the further you travel, the more extreme the negative actions are required by your part.

Further....regardless of what he says, the fact remains he is Married with a child. For you to knowingly get involved, is terrible Karma for when you have a family one day. You may find yourself with husband and child, and one day wake up to find that your husband had sex with some other woman, and your whole world will come crashing down.. You are going to have to deal with Divorce Lawyers, you are going to have to worry about alimony payments for the child, and you are going to have to worry about who gets custody of the child and when. You then are going to have to pass the child back and forth between the two of you, is that fair to the child? No, but its also not fair to you that your husband broke all his vows and promises by sleeping with another girl. You will find it's less fair for you to stay with him, and so the child suffers because its the best evil.

So if you know the answer.. why did you post this question? I think it's because you lack the willpower to do so. You've waited this long, don't give up your values so easily. Love has a really strange way of working out, maybe this is Love testing you to see if you do the ethical thing.
Maybe something good can come between you and him, its possible. However, something even better might come your way if you let this married father go.

on a personal note....I'd be really sad if you went through with it. :-( but its ultimately your choice..hope my opinion was helpful to you in any way.
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Reply Sat 20 Sep, 2014 05:28 pm
I guess if you haven't learned by now what kind of person he is, you never will.

Sounds like you have made up your mind - as foolish as that is.

Good luck and tell us how things are in 3 months.
One Eyed Mind
Reply Sat 20 Sep, 2014 05:46 pm
Giving yourself up to someone in that manner is equivalent to stripping naked at a wedding to let someone know "how much" you love them. It may feel great to you, but it's not great to everyone else trying to enjoy a moment that is better off shared between you and your lover as you should share your self with him, not your body.

And most importantly, as others have said, this path is monumentally decadent.
Reply Sat 20 Sep, 2014 07:03 pm
PUNKEY wrote:

I guess if you haven't learned by now what kind of person he is, you never will.

Sounds like you have made up your mind - as foolish as that is.

Good luck and tell us how things are in 3 9 months.

Fixed it for ya.
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One Eyed Mind
Reply Sat 20 Sep, 2014 07:04 pm
@One Eyed Mind,
Oh dear, I made a massive typo. Completely disregard my post.
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