7
   

On the anniversary of deceased wife's passing.

 
 
kann
 
Reply Mon 8 Sep, 2014 05:03 pm
I have been in a relationship with a widower for two years and we have been living together for over a year. Last year on the anniversary of his wife's passing I gave him flowers. I just wanted him to know that on that day I know he may be thinking of her. My question is should I do it again this year? Thanks, Kate
 
chai2
 
  5  
Reply Mon 8 Sep, 2014 05:19 pm
@kann,
Probably not.

You got your point across.

You do it next year, and you'll start to feel obligated to do it again and again.

Then when you do stop, he'll have his expectations broken.

It was a nice gesture, but I wouldn't turn it into a ritual.
One Eyed Mind
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 8 Sep, 2014 05:30 pm
The real question is, do you have feelings for them? Consciously or subconsciously.
kann
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Sep, 2014 09:14 am
@chai2,
Thanks, that's what I was thinking. k
0 Replies
 
kann
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Sep, 2014 09:15 am
@One Eyed Mind,
Not sure I understand, feeling for who/what?
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Tue 9 Sep, 2014 01:48 pm
@kann,
Don't mind him. He posts things that are important to him, but no one else knows what he's saying.

As long as he's happy posting what's important to him, that's cool.
One Eyed Mind
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Sep, 2014 10:20 pm
@chai2,
Yeah, I'm quite the mystery.

I should make a thread about my life and see if you can break me down into your reputably known gift in analyzing situations.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Sep, 2014 08:40 am
Take your clue from him. Just tell him you are thinking of him that day as he reflects the past. He many need flowers, or not.

Two years is nothing in grieving the death of a spouse. He may just now be able to process it all. Are there children involved?

You sound like you are sensitive to him. He is lucky to have you there.

May I ask your ages?
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Sep, 2014 09:11 am
@PUNKEY,
Punkey,
you misread the initial post. kann has been with the widower for two years and for the past year they've been living together. He might be a widower for a long time before entering a relationship with kann. Does it matter what ages they are?

-----

kann, I think chai nailed it here, it was a nice gesture the first time, but you're living together now and working on your relationship. It would be nice to take notice and say something sensible to him, but I wouldn't
buy flowers either.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Sep, 2014 09:57 am
@kann,
kann wrote:
I just wanted him to know that on that day I know he may be thinking of her.


He likely thinks of her every day.

Would you buy him flowers every day?

Once was nice, more would be weird. Accepting his late wife's place in his life and all his future relationships is more important.

Your daily life together is what matters, not one day.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Sep, 2014 09:57 am
@One Eyed Mind,
ok - that was brilliantly funny and worth a thumbs-up
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Sep, 2014 10:55 am
@One Eyed Mind,
One Eyed Mind wrote:

Yeah, I'm quite the mystery.

I should make a thread about my life and see if you can break me down into your reputably known gift in analyzing situations.

You're confusing the posters here with the clinicians at the institution. I leave mental illness to the professionals. Yeah good idea...make a thread about your life...that'll give you conclusive proof of who is interested.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » On the anniversary of deceased wife's passing.
Copyright © 2021 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.06 seconds on 04/11/2021 at 07:42:08