Want to be happy.. how?.. couldnot break friendship though

What activities/hobbies/interests do you have outside of work?

Do you exercise regularly?

Didn't you post before about this issue?

This woman is MARRIED. You have no right to think there would be any chance of you and her getting together.

Transfer to another position.

You received a lot of advice on your other thread. Also Privately.

We can not hold your hand if you are not willing to listen.

Off by memory she started to go a bit cold on you, because of your obsession with her.

As advised on your other thread, this is one person in an entire Universe yet, you are too frightened to go out there and realise that what you have found is the "type" of woman you want in your life. Now go and find that type. Are you too scared that you won't be able to as you hide behind yourself too much?

If so, go and find skills to open yourself up more by reading, or joining public speaking sessions.

You are wasting your life away.

no..our work involves more on computers the whole day.. the other time i used to read see some films.. not much exercise these days .. i do not have friends of my age and interest around here..

hobbies interests just thinking about one for the last few months

Agreed 100% and I am sure i wont be in that position..since it involves a kid which she loves so much.. though i dont mind it. it will not workout in the long run..
in the last coworker's post i felt that would be my fate.. but it was just a worry.. and it helped me to change me and the result we are still good friends

here it was not my intention.. i feel happy whenever thinking about the good moments and the next second i feel so sad that it ended. and every other second i am calling me back from her dreams. it is like she is in my every cell.. how can one just say to move away and not right?.. it is not purposeful.. i am not hindering or standing across all of these happens only in my mind (at least).. now that happened and i am sorry if that is not the RIGHT WAY.. but how can i move away? and still be friends?

yeah it helped a lot..
i am listening.. but sometimes my brain goes back and feels amazed by seeing how perfect she is..in every sense .. a real treasure. having mentioned this i am not acting on this to make it mine.. i am not that selfish to spoil her marriage and put everyone in agony.

she was never cold on me. it was my assumption based on coworker's topic- i feared i might be putting myself in coworker's position..

i might be wasting my life.. but could not find a mindset to feel free.
i just want to live life and be happy..
but every time when she compliments some others i feel so sad.. i dont feel like owning her

Sw - I think it is time for you to get serious about finding an outside hobby/club/group to participate in.

Your focus is too much on work and your coworker.

You need other things to think about. Initially it will be a way to distract yourself. Once you have more acquaintances and friends with similar interests to yourself, it will be more life and less distraction.

Set a goal. Find a club/group to join before the end of September. Develop an exercise plan to implement before the 15th of this month.

Start.

Honestly? What E-Beth said.

We all get lost, it's a matter of working out how to be found, in that you will be happy.

you are very much practical ehbeth thanks i feel like you stand in my friends circle and foundsoul as my school teacher..


Have tried few things last month. like cleaning my house and playing games outside with my office friends. it helped a bit but everything changes as soon as we meet again. In between i saw a film and it helped even further. - but as i said every other second i feel like i might get a vacuum soon. i fear something. and dont know what it will be.. feel like might lose her friendship
my respect for her is that much that i feel like she is a rare kind of good girl. and i am fortunate to have met her.. now just wanted to keep that going.


but sure will keep on trying thanks
btw what kind of clubs you mean? here in India we dont have those pubs and all..

You need to try harder to put this past you. Is there an organized sports league or group you could join? A coffeehouse where you could go? A film group you could become a part of? A book discussion group? Exercise? Knitting? Photography? Acting? Writing? Volunteering at a hospital? Spending time with your family?

Surely you had activities before you met this woman. You filled your time in some manner. Go back to those things.

Considering you're on here asking for advice, instead of taking action, based on integrity and responsibility, I'd say you have no chance with anyone worth life's wile.

i was never a needy person... so lazy around and not spending too... i had this habit of saving and never go out for dine. was very rare to go out for movies.. watched only dvds and online.
but that donot mean i couldnot start it.. i will try hard..that coffee house is is a walk away..
exercise writing could work.. photography I was snapping all most all things with my cellphone.. but not THESE DAYS..

Yes she was here all of a sudden. I am completely unable to recollect how my life was half a year before.. or something doesnot allow me to think beyond.
thanks for suggesting

I know it is not a curse but fact...
but you should not know this as well.. that i have never cheated anyone and helped all people around..
I believe there is God and he will see our actions and will reward us..
But since this involves too complicated things - may be only time can tell.
i dontwant to persuade her to anything.. but just want to stand straight and no longer feel that needy thing ( but for me she is just the treasure nobody will ever want to lose)

i read somewhere that sherpa the second person who touched mount Everst said he never found a golden apple upthere so he didnt rush to reach there first. -
but i do see a golden apple and i dont want others to spoil it.. all i want is to have a friendly relation going on forever

I often find it rather regressive for a man to see that much in a woman. It is more along the lines of you lacking self esteem and projecting your fantasies into this girl, which is blinding you from yourself. The way I have walked these grounds of this planet that beholds my existence, is to never forget myself in the midst of this world's aspects. When you are so desperate to give up yourself for something else in life, is when you have let go of the most important part of your life. You are an author, among every other author, here to contribute to the Universe's archive. You cannot be an author, if you let go of your prologue, do you understand?

are you suggesting i should value myself more?
ok for the sake of discussion i can start thinking on that line

but what if
1.) it represents me as a selfishguy? since my body language too changes
2.) what if i stop taking initiatives? and thus lowering my chances? ( if there are any)
3.) what if she wants me to be so?

these are my fears


"When you are so desperate to give up yourself for something else in life, is when you have let go of the most important part of your life." - just great lines

Think about "you", not the physical "you". The "you", your thoughts, your essence and your character. Your image is nothing more than illusion; your body, is not "you", it contains "you".

yes.. finally i am there..
the "ME" in me want to be happy and not grudge and not to be jealous or possessive.

I am not blinding myself describing her as such earlier..
I know my work and none of my colleagues ever talked the way she does. none of them were thinking the lines she does.. none of them were able to do before i suggest anything.. so valuable so simple but so strong and with a character. i cannot tell anything against her even if i am angry. I say rare piece because she really is one..

that is where fear of losing come up making me unhappy. hope you can see the clear picture. but at the same time i know i cannot hold on to somebody who is already taken.. so the next best thing is be her best friend forever..


Want to be happy.. how?.. couldnot break friendship though how?

Be happy for her. If you want her for yourself, then how can you be happy with that? Things change, when things are meant to be, based on how life revolves around cause & effect as well as consequences. Our brains are very well relation points to each other, if they do not fit, they will break apart, and you'll be the first one to be the next piece. That's all there is to it. If she does things with the guy, well, you did things with your hands, so when you hug her, you're just as dirty as she is. Everyone has done things nasty, most people don't want to think about, others make a living out of it, while the wise acknowledge the other side of people as well for themselves without thinking too much about it.

really getting complicated..
you are the one who suggested be happy for her.. thanks

couldnt figureout -- If she does things with the guy, well, you did things with your hands, so when you hug her, you're just as dirty as she is.