Petty Stuff

Pitter- Marriage is a process. Once the "honeymoon" is over, it is a long series of discussons and compromises. If you take the attitude that you can always get out of the marriage, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think that a more productive attitude is that you two have hit a snag in your relationship, and that you need to work harder on it.

I sincerely hope that you have not shared your first thought with your wife. I think that threatening to leave is one of the most destructive things that a person can do in a marriage. It is also a control strategy.............do what I want or I am outta here. The only time when a person should express a desire to leave, is when all else fails, and the decision is final!

I think the expectation that the male will go fetch (or that the female will) is cultural, even within the same city or group of people - not necessarily between groups of people as to heritage, but how they were raised.

I liked Cav's suggestion, it cut through a tense situation in a smart way. But I think the long silent treatment is a painful problem and needs to be discussed sometime, somehow, preferably when both people aren't in the middle of an angry time.

Pitter, I would accept that the incident was self centred on both your parts. Meet in the middle, and things should be smoother. Phoenix is right, marriage is a process, and compromises need to be made in creative ways.

No I have never expressed my "get a divorce and make a run for it" reaction out loud. I know it would be manipulative and wouldn't work anyway because my Colombian wife is possibly more stubborn than a Korean girlfriend I had once. As to the "go fetch" well my wife lived alone with her mother for thirteen years before I met her and as the youngest and only remaining daughter in the house she was pretty spoiled in so far as she was quite accustomed to her mother fetching and cooking and so on.

Marriage is give and take. I think those marriages that last for 20,30,40 or more years, the couple has learned the key to longevity is learning to give and take, leave your pride at the door, understand your partners need without being told and sensitivity to the desires of their heart. I also think the foundation of a successful marriage is: communication and becoming a unit. There should never be thought or talk of "going home to mama" or "how easy it is to get a cheap, quick divorce". I hope you guys don't have any kids until get your act together.

If I remember correctly, Pitter is older and has therefore quite a bit of life experience. I think he knows marriage is a process, though I am not saying mentioning that again isn't useful. I am not so sure the younger wife knows. That doesn't mean I am hostile to her. I just am wondering how the process can be fostered best. And cav, et all, are right re the giving and taking. Shared giving and taking, though.