Petty Stuff

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So my wife (of a little over a year) and I go to the movies at a shopping mall. We come out and she's hungry so we go to a food stand and she orders a rice and pork dish. I'm not hungry for that and buy an ice cream cone next door. We find a table and sit down and start eating and she realizes she doesn't have anything to drink. I said "I'll hold the table while you get something". She was silent, looked around, stared at her food then stared at me then continued eating and gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the evening. So I see I was supposed to get up with (melting) ice cream cone and get on line at a food stall to order a soft drink then wrestle with my wallet one handed to get a bill out to pay for it. Well I told you it was petty.

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uhoh......

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pithy Pitter...(of a little over a year)

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Hmm....maybe "I'll get you a drink if you hold my ice cream" would have worked.

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Makes it sound like getting the drink for her would have been a lot simpler...

Honestly, Bear (hubby) would have gotten me a drink without hesitating, and he's not the most gentlemanly type. If he can do it, I suppose you can too.

I won't even attempt to get into all the "equality of women" stuff. Considering the number of times she has fixed your meals, done your laundry, picked up your dirty socks from the bedside and brought you a beer, I imagine this one time it could have been reciprocated.

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Her pork would get cold....your ice cream would get warm....

Perhaps opposites repel?

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Cavfancier why didn't I think of that?!

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My brother once told me that people don't get divorced because they don't love each other, they get divorced because one wouldn't put the spoons back in the spoon rack. Basically, petty things are what drive a wedge between people.

I personally think she should have communicated her thoughts rather than give you the silent treatment. I also think you should have asked her to tell you WHY she was giving you the silent treatment.

She could have got the drink, you could have got the drink. The problem was communication. But you can't just expect your spouse to wait on you hand and foot every moment of the day... sometimes is the man doing that, and sometimes its the woman.

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Pitter- I think that you need to talk this out with your wife..............now, before her passive-aggressive pattern of interaction is set in stone.

Oh, and I don't think that the issue that you described is petty. I think that it is a red flag. Apparently you wife is attempting to control you by withdrawing when she does not get what she wants.

How do her parents interact? Have you seen any of this type of behavior in your wife's family constellation? You need to make her aware (without blaming) of what she is doing. Good Luck!

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squinney wrote:

Makes it sound like getting the drink for her would have been a lot simpler...

Honestly, Bear (hubby) would have gotten me a drink without hesitating, and he's not the most gentlemanly type. If he can do it, I suppose you can too.

I won't even attempt to get into all the "equality of women" stuff. Considering the number of times she has fixed your meals, done your laundry, picked up your dirty socks from the bedside and brought you a beer, I imagine this one time it could have been reciprocated.

first of all I am gentlemanly thank you very much, as long as I'm not provoked, and I never hesitate to show squinney all courtesies of such type so there.....having said that.........

DUDE do you actually prefer masturbating? You could have been in there dude, nice movie, quality time out....touchy feely points for fetching the drink......but instead....you're on kleenex patrol. Live and learn my friend, that's my advice. It's all about the booty.

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I'm with L.R.R.Hood and Phoenix. I believe in talking about things that bother you - or her, of course. My ex-boyfriend loved the silent treatment, also. After 15 years of putting up with this - I talk about things.

I guess the cultural difference also matters in your case, Pitter. What do you think?

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Pitter, I just glanced at your diary entries and have a different take. Your new wife is Colombian and I think there might be some cultural issues here. In any case Phoenix echoed my sentiments. No es facil vivir con otra cultura.

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The silent treatment in any culture is always a bad sign. Talk, talk, talk.

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I think you're wife should have taken responsibility for not remembering to order a drink with her meal. She should have gotten up and gotten the drink herself. Her reaction to your not offering to get the drink seems childish and petty. I hope she learned a lesson. Maybe the next time she orders food she won't forget to order herself a drink too. :wink:

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She has to have liquid at the same time she eats? Purchase should be easy at the same time the food is ordered..
ah well, I am a California girl.

Had I been her, and had you not had ice cream dripping in hand, I can envision being pleased if you jumped up from your plate of enchiladas and gotten me a drink. But I wouldn't have sat there expecting it.

Cultural, cultural.

Now then, I agree with all who say these matters need talking about, speak from years of people going into silence rather than discussing things.

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This thread was appropriately titled.

That's all I have to say.

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You're so right Gustav. It pales next to your prosthetic nose thread...lol

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I think what his wife was angry about was petty and childish, but the situation is serious. If a marriage continues with that kind of undertone, their homelife is not going to be very satisfying.

Sometimes being straightforward causes arguments, but its best to nip things like that in the bud early. Pitter, I wish you well in this situation.

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Pitter wrote:

Cavfancier why didn't I think of that?!

I just want to point out that it was duly noted that my suggestion would have been the easiest solution. It is interesting that all the women here seem to be overthinking this issue. Now, if my simple male approach did NOT work, then it would be time to see red flags, not before. This is a description of a single incident, not necessarily a pattern of regular behaviour, unless of course Pitter wants to open up a little more about that. I'm going back to gus's prosthetic nose thread, to see how things are shaping up, so to speak.

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I apreciate the responses to my post (posted under the "Marriage and Relationships" heading by the way for the doubters). It's interesting that as petty as it was it generated an awfull lot of thoughtfull responses. Certainly I was blowing off steam but we can do that here can't we? Anyway I don't think my "incident" had to do with cultural differences I think it was just self centered (but on my part or hers?). As to cultural differences I will admit that when I get good and mad my first thought is "Fine! I'll just call a lawyer and for five hundred bucks or so I can have a divorce in two weeks" so "gringo" no? where as her response if really mad is go home to mama.

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