pregnant & abused

Forums: Relationships, Abuse, Advice, Pregnant
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My name is Charlie. I'm 8 weeks pregnant & my baby's father is abusive. Sexually, verbally & physically. But I'm scared to try & leave. Don't get me wrong he's a big sweety when he wants to be but his anger gets the best of him.. & is taken out on me... This is the Man I wanna spend my life with but I dont want to do it at the cost of my child's well being. Will he change once the baby is born? Any advice? Please , thanks & God bless y'all.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 6 • Views: 1,677 • Replies: 16

@CharliesGold,

CharliesGold wrote:

My name is Charlie. I'm 8 weeks pregnant & my baby's father is abusive. Sexually, verbally & physically. But I'm scared to try & leave. Don't get me wrong he's a big sweety when he wants to be but his anger gets the best of him.. & is taken out on me... This is the Man I wanna spend my life with but I dont want to do it at the cost of my child's well being. Will he change once the baby is born? Any advice? Please , thanks & God bless y'all.

Not sure if you are just goofing around here, Charlie...but on the offshoot chance you are not:

If he changes...it will almost certainly be for the worst.

Get out of the situation any way you can. It is a disaster...waiting to become an even bigger disaster.

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@Frank Apisa,

I think this is a b.s. post...because most women who are abused wouldn't call their mate a "sweetie" under the circumstances. But read up on abuse...it gets worse , not better.

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No. It will get worse. Google ways to escape an abusive relationship, there are tons of organizations out there that can help you make a plan and get you assistance.

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@Germlat,

I said he could be a sweetie when he wanted to be. Meaning that he's not always abusive. You could call him bi-polar. It greatly offends me that you would call this a b.s. post just because my story is different than yours. Not all abusive relationships are the same. Not all partners are abusive in the same way as others..

1 Reply

@CharliesGold,

Please leave the situation before the child can be harmed.

If your partner is unable to control his emotions, he will not only be a danger to you but to a child.

Please reach out to friends, family, support groups.

Get help and get out.

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@Germlat,

Germlat wrote:

I think this is a b.s. post...because most women who are abused wouldn't call their mate a "sweetie" under the circumstances.

This is in fact quite a common phenomenon.

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@CharliesGold,

CharliesGold wrote:

Will he change once the baby is born?

Do not expect his behaviour to change because of your pregnancy or because of the arrival of a child.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Germlat wrote:

I think this is a b.s. post...because most women who are abused wouldn't call their mate a "sweetie" under the circumstances.

This is in fact quite a common phenomenon.

This is what a lot of victims report, that their abuser is charming at times and then is violent.

The charm does not outweigh the violence.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Germlat wrote:

I think this is a b.s. post...because most women who are abused wouldn't call their mate a "sweetie" under the circumstances.

This is in fact quite a common phenomenon.

You're probably right. It's difficult for me to comprehend that dynamic . But, I think we all agree it gets worse..

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@CharliesGold,

He needs help for his anger and any other underlying issues. His abusiveness supersedes any goodness he may display when he is mild tempered. If you choose to stay with him you need to find the courage to have him acknowledge his issues. If he doesn't and chooses to get at you for mentioning this, then that is a sure sign he will not change.

Good luck!

1 Reply

@Frank Apisa,

Aww Big Frank my post was more optimistic than yours although I agree with you 100%

1 Reply

@Buttermilk,

Buttermilk wrote:

Aww Big Frank my post was more optimistic than yours although I agree with you 100%

Yup...it is possible to be less pessimistic than I was in my post, but I think that is a hope not worth the effort, B.

Abusers are simply not programmed for change. The abuse tends to satisfy some need...and tends to be compulsive.

Some abusers change...no doubt.

But to bet on long-shots is a losing proposition in the long run.

The optimal thing Charlie could do right now (in my opinion)...is abandon ship.

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@CharliesGold,

CharliesGold wrote:

I said he could be a sweetie when he wanted to be. Meaning that he's not always abusive. You could call him bi-polar. It greatly offends me that you would call this a b.s. post just because my story is different than yours. Not all abusive relationships are the same. Not all partners are abusive in the same way as others..

I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you.

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It's okay.. I appreciate yours & everyone else's input

1 Reply

@CharliesGold,

Hope your doing ok. Abuse is not love ok.. I hope yore safe.

0 Replies

@Buttermilk,

He finally admitted his issues.. It may not be the sunshine after the storm but maybe it's a silver lining.. (hopefully).. for the sake of our child I hope that it's a good sign..

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