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He cut off all contact

 
 
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2014 10:48 pm
I was in a relationship for two years with a guy in my college who is from another country. Recently he went back to his country promising me that he will be back. After he left he stopped contacting me and is not replying to the messages that I sent him on facebook. Neither did he give his new contact number.
Recently I came to know from his friends that he never shared any plan of coming back and he is looking for job in his country. I tried contacting him through facebook, but he is not replying to any of my messages even though he is active online. He hasn't unfriended me though.
One of his close friends told me, may be it was hard for him to tell me that he is leaving forever that could be the reason why he lied to me.
But I feel, I deserve an explanation. I feel betrayed. I feel that I have been cheated and dumped. Should I continue trying to contact him untill he replies? His freind said he will give me his home number soon. Should I try calling him and talk to him to find out why did this to me.
 
roger
 
  4  
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2014 11:00 pm
@jumpyjnz,
I guess I wouldn't bother. I have no idea what his thinking is, but as I say, I just wouldn't bother.

I do wonder about the friend that will give you his home number 'soon. Why hasn't he already done so? It sounds like a little game playing going, though I can't fathom its purpose. Truly, I wouldn't maintain contact with that friend, either.
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2014 11:30 pm
@jumpyjnz,
As he doesn't want you to contact him - any response that you should contact him is fraught with pitfalls...even while it is completely understandable why you would want to.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2014 03:39 am
@jumpyjnz,
It's not worth it. By his actions, he's made it clear that it's over. You said you felt cheated and dumped. Well, you're right on both accounts. So what's the point of any phone call? To scream at him? He'll just hang up on you and change his number, or he'll lie to you with some platitude or another. To beg him to change his mind and come back? He won't.

Retain your self-respect and don't bother with either. You gave him a more than fair chance to explain himself. He hasn't. He's just been a cowardly jerk.

Don't waste any more time on this.
0 Replies
 
ak0vira
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Aug, 2014 09:11 am
@roger,
Yes you've been cheated and betrayed.
Now make your choice:
1. Let this guy ruin your life some more by not letting this go.
2. Go on with the rest of your life without him.
Either way he's not coming back.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2014 10:20 pm
He wasn't honest or something happened when he got home that requires all of his attention. My instinct is that he wasn't honest. Maybe his culture will not allow contact with people outside his country or faith. You didn't say which country he returned to, it's possible his parents have plans for his future.

If any of that conjecture turns out to be true, you may have dodged a bullet. Please don't despair, he could call you, but in the meantime, plan as if he is out of the picture. If he doesn't reappear, you will still be ahead, if he does, you will have some life experience under the your belt to decide if he is still someone you want to see in your life. Please don't locate out of the country if he asks, you need to collect much more information about the government, how women fit in his culture, you may not enjoy living with few rights you have been accustomed to.
jumpyjnz
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2014 07:20 am
@glitterbag,
He left to Afghanistan. I know it's not a good idea to move to that country, considering the rights given to women. As you said, his faith or family may not accept me either. But I wonder why he did not try to explain all this instead of getting away like a coward. As far as I know him, he is a good hearted and I keep trying to convince myself that it was hard for him to tell me the truth, because he knew I was very serious about him.
0 Replies
 
jumpyjnz
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2014 07:26 am
@jumpyjnz,
Thank you very much everyone for the replies. I hope I'll get through this and hold no feelings for him eventually.
Eliusa
 
  0  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2014 07:28 am
@jumpyjnz,
Have your pride switch turn ON.
Every question you had asked in your post - NO!
0 Replies
 
cimberlee
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2014 10:07 pm
@jumpyjnz,
Listen take it from a foreigner someone who has seen this exact thing first hand. Some people come here to college and go back home BUT a lot of the time their parents usually arrange marriages for them it's a religious and cultural thing! A lot of people do not want to but have to or they are cut off by their family. What country is this guy from? What is his religion? Parents usually have a bride or groom that is hand picked for their children and arrange marriage when they return. I have been to school abroad I've seen this a lot. Right now a girl in my class has finished university and as we speak her husband to be whom she has never met is waiting for her in get country. Another guy from my class is Muslim he has an asian gf his parents can never know of her cause one she is not of the same religion and two she was not hand picked by the parents. Some people are trapped with these arranged marriages! Trust me it is real it is happening as we speak to my friends! So what country is he from? Religion? He prob can't contact t you cause one his parents do not want him to return and or he doesn't want his parents to know of you! Not in a Bad way but it's a cultural/ religious thing! His friends like most know he wasn't returning cause of his religion or culture! Trust me it's not you!
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Fri 22 Aug, 2014 10:20 pm
She said it was Afghanistan. That's a war zone, not a place welcoming to immigrants. She needs to thank her lucky stars, and hope he doesn't send for her. Check the State Departments Travel advisories if you are a US citizen, if not US, check your country's advisories. He probably had a student Visa, and I doubt if he can get a tourist Visa. Just forget about.
cimberlee
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Aug, 2014 10:05 pm
@jumpyjnz,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You do not want a husband, boyfriend from there. The culture there is much different to here and they are not that welcoming of Americans. He would not allow his family to even know of you, again cultural and religious. Most likely he cannot return to the US cause his visa is expired and cannot get a new one. And I can almost bet his parents already arranged a marriage for him and he is already married. These religions and their beliefs are not like ours here. I talking from experience from what I have seen happen to my friends in the exact same situation, only that they were the ones returning home and gor trapped in a marriage.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Sun 24 Aug, 2014 10:20 pm
@glitterbag,
glitterbag wrote:

She said it was Afghanistan. That's a war zone, not a place welcoming to immigrants. She needs to thank her lucky stars, and hope he doesn't send for her. Check the State Departments Travel advisories if you are a US citizen, if not US, check your country's advisories. He probably had a student Visa, and I doubt if he can get a tourist Visa. Just forget about.


Alright, glitter is rarely right, but Afghanistan is rapidly falling apart again. Any man from there would being doing a woman a favor by cutting off contact. There is no way to know what happened, but you might as well assume that once he got back he realized how fucked his country is and decided to spare you the torture of having anything to do with it.
0 Replies
 
jumpyjnz
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Aug, 2014 01:34 am
@jumpyjnz,
Thank you guys for putting it straight and clear. It's great to have so much help and support. Smile
0 Replies
 
 

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