How to stop thinking about someone

A month is a not a very long time. Your breakup is still pretty recent especially after 6 years. Things will get better.

Do things that are healthy. Do things you enjoy. Spend time with friends. Make sure you are getting physical activity. Be good to yourself.

A break up of a long term relationship is a very difficult thing. It is going to take some time to get over it. Be patient with yourself.

Six years of a romantic relationship is a LONG time to make memories. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think the healing you describe sounds on par with normal. It's good that you have moved past wanting her back. She will pop into your head for a long time, and as time passes...and as you gain other interests...it will be less often and less painful.

I've found that this works for me. (It may be psychotic or wrong-headed, but it works for me as I said.)

1. I get a sense of closure, as close to reality as I can while putting a positive spin on it. This is easy when you do the breaking up, because you likely had a good understanding of why you were going to do it. It's much harder when you are the one who is left behind - rejected. Rejection is hideous to everyone, but we all have to face it several times in our lives.

I tell myself my time wasn't wasted because
1. I learned things about myself in relationships that I needed to know or
2. I enjoyed my time with the person or
3. The relationship was practice for the enduring love I'll find later...
You get the idea.

Once I can wrap my head around what happened and why, and I can look at it as generally a positive experience, when I have a memory with a song or someone who looks like him, I'll let that pang of pain have a moment - and then I make myself smile, I visit my positive closure mentally and purposefully. In that way, you aren't a victim of a drive-by heartbreak. You give it a moment, and then you take the wheel. You have turned it into a positive, and that control, for me, made a great deal of difference. I'm not left feeling rejected and sad, but empowered and smiling.

I hope it works for you.

....of course, there's always that romantic adage

The best way to get over someone...is to get under someone.

Good advice all around. I'll just add - do your best to occupy your time. You don't need to be constantly engaged with every single thing, but if you have a lot of stretches of downtime, you'll find yourself thinking of her, etc. So start reading a book you've always wanted to read, or put on a Planet of the Apes marathon or visit an out of town friend for a while. That is, do something good for yourself that will also give you something to think about and engage in - whatever that is.

to quote a famous Guruji,

"........if that is not possible, see the impermanence of everything. Everything is changing around you so fast. Even if you want, you can't hold on to anything. things come and things go. People come and people go. Their moods change, emotions change. their way of behaving with you changes. Everything changes. See the impermanence of all things, everything around you. The whole world is changing. Then also you gain a strength. Then also fear disappears. Fear is clinging on,holding on,not letting go. and there is nothing that you can hold onto in this life. Is there anything that you can hold on to?"




Hope this will help
I can advice you! but I know how hard i feel to be a friend of my sweetheart .. so we are on the same boat...
But do not leave hope.. nothing bad will happen if you keep on hoping.. But the purpose is to make you look a better man. to to

Great advice and comments from everyone so far.

ONLY time heals, Tv.

I am reminded of my favorite Richard Brautigan poem that may help put this in perspective for you. Really think about the ending...and how it may be you one day at that position.

It's Raining In Love

I don't know what it is,
but I distrust myself
when I start to like a girl
a lot.

It makes me nervous.
I don't say the right things
or perhaps I start
to examine,
evaluate,
compute
what I am saying.

If I say, "Do you think it's going to rain?"
and she says, "I don't know,"
I start thinking : Does she really like me?

In other words
I get a little creepy.

A friend of mine once said,
"It's twenty times better to be friends
with someone
than it is to be in love with them."

I think he's right and besides,
it's raining somewhere, programming flowers
and keeping snails happy.
That's all taken care of.

BUT

if a girl likes me a lot
and starts getting real nervous
and suddenly begins asking me funny questions
and looks sad if I give the wrong answers
and she says things like,
"Do you think it's going to rain?"
and I say, "It beats me,"
and she says, "Oh,"
and looks a little sad
at the clear blue California sky,
I think : Thank God, it's you, baby, this time
instead of me.

Well, it's been over two months since the break up now. As was suggested by many, the lingering pain comes much less often now. I still find myself thinking about her and getting sad a few times a day but it's no where near the degree that it was before. I don't find myself thinking or feeling anything about her specifically any more. Now it's just a feeling of pure loneliness. I think I'm just in shock from being single for the first time in six years.

You will never stop thinking about someone or something. That is not the issue. The issue is the pain. How to stop the pain? Change your perception. Your memory will forever be a poison to your conscience as long as you only look at the bad things. Create good ones, so you can have both type of memories.

You'll be fine - here's where you keep cultivating your inner resources.

So sorry to hear about your break up. Here's an odd thing that really helps!! This is for when you are thinking about her generally, and not trying to figure something out (analyzing in a constructive way). First - let yourself "notice" that you were thinking of her, and then to help you move on, smack yourself on the cheek. Each time your mind wanders away from your work, conversation with friend, etc., and you start thinking of her, smack yourself again. You might prefer a rubber band on your wrist - snap it. This doesn't work in the grieving stages, but is good for the stage you are in now. Good luck.

It's been a little over 5 months since the break up now.

The last couple months has been easy. I haven't thought of her at all and I started seeing someone else that I've been seeing now for 3 months.

Lately, though, I've started to think about my ex again (though I've resisted trying to contact her) mainly because our mutual friend told me randomly that she was talking about me and how she was thinking of me also. Obviously I tried not to care since she's with someone and I'm with someone, but ever since that conversation with our mutual friend I'm starting to think of her before I sleep and when I wake up once again. This whole process has been surprisingly difficult. I never thought breaking an attachment to someone would take so long and be so hard for a guy like me.

It gets easier with time....stay strong.

Forgetting about her is a difficult challenge for you because of relationship, 6 years is very tough and just like what you said both of you grew up together. But my advise is accepting the challenge to forget about her and try to do something or try to meet someone that can make you happy and strong again.

It's been well over a year since the break up. I'm still with the person I was with when I last posted. Her relationship with the guy she left me for imploded some time ago (I found out through a mutual friend). Overall I think I'm completely over it and have been for a while, but sometimes I still think of her (mainly because she asks my friends about me who in turn tell me that she did).

It's an odd thing knowing somebody for that long and knowing literally everything about them but now there's nothing. Not even occasional "hello". Not that I'm particularly sad about that.

I know just what you mean. Been 3 years now and every once in a while, I think about him - usually the good things. BUT THEN I get a sanity check and think about those last 2 months and how hurt I was; then he moves over into the "jerk" column.

Don't over romanticize the past.