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Boyfriends lack of interest in sex

 
 
Reply Thu 14 Aug, 2014 08:51 am
Hi everyone.
Me and my partner have been together a year now and are both 27, he works away during the week so we only see each other on weekends. I guess after not seeing each other for a week I expect him to be wanting sex. But isn't that interested. He is a bit of a drinker and tends to drink a bottle or 2 of wine on a wknd night so he usually passes out on the couch or if we do get to bed he doesn't feel like sex.
The next morning he usually feels sick and doesn't want sex either.. Usually this cycle repeats the following night. If we do have sex when he is drinking he never cums as his had to much to drink.
So I'm feeling unattractive because of his lack of interest and his inability to cum and I'm left wondering if its something more than his drinking. (Which is a problem in itself) I'm not sure how to feel about this. Could it be me? Doesn't men need sex so often? He looks at porn a fair bit too which I have no issues with so he has a sex drive!
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Aug, 2014 09:04 am
@Luvmebaby,
You are dating/intimate with a man with a serious alcohol abuse problem. Also he has issues with intimacy. Perhaps he can get some counseling. In the meanwhile, if it were me, I'd seriously reconsider my boyfriend options if he won't get professional help.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Thu 14 Aug, 2014 10:29 am
@Luvmebaby,
The least of your problems is the lack of intimacy. People who drink regularly, to the point of passing out and then, in the morning, a hangover, and who do it on a consistent basis, are likely to be alcoholics. He is also avoiding dealing with you by boozing it up. Not just sexually; he's also avoiding talking to you.

You are not helping him by staying with him. All you are doing is enabling his behavior. You say he works away during the week, so there may be weekday drinking you don't know about, and even drunk driving.

Usually the most caring thing someone can do under such circumstances is to encourage someone to get help and, if they won't go, then to go without them. And then leave them, as the getting of help should be a condition of you staying together. It does not have to be AA - there are alternatives. But right now you are a part of his self-destructive behavior, offering your intimacy (which he is unable to reciprocate), and your comfy couch for his binges. Perhaps you are also offering your food, your hangover medicines, your free chauffeuring and your sympathy. Maybe even your money.

This makes it easier for someone to continue abusing alcohol. Breaking this cycle is important, but you're most likely going to be the one who has to do it first.

Things are not going to improve unless things change.
0 Replies
 
Buttermilk
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2014 01:39 am
@Luvmebaby,
This sounds like a case of his alcoholism more than anything. A few things that come to mind:

1) you said in the following: "He is a bit of a drinker and tends to drink a bottle or 2 of wine on a wknd night."

I like to drink and because I've been in college where binge drinking happens I'm borderline an alcoholic. If he is drinking a bottle or two each day over the weekend then he is tip toeing the line of alcoholism.

2) You said: "The next morning he usually feels sick and doesn't want sex either.. Usually this cycle repeats the following night. If we do have sex when he is drinking he never cums as his had to much to drink."

He is certifiably an alcoholic. One of the issues with alcoholism is sexual dysfunction and the fact that he is perhaps too inebriated to ejaculate says a lot about his physical health.

jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2014 04:11 am
@Buttermilk,
A bottle or two of wine, also, isn't a "bit" of a drinker.
Buttermilk
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 01:59 am
@jespah,
I'm looking at it per day. I mean I'm imagining a drinking an entire bottle, then another and doing the same the next day is what I would be a lot, but then again that is my imagination I guess.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 02:11 am
@Luvmebaby,
Hi Luvmebaby.

There is a few extra things you mentioned such as, you only see him twice a week and I assume for the past 12 months.

That he watches porn "a lot" .

And then what everyone answered, alcohol.

Has he always worked away or for a long time? I am envisaging that due to his work he's been alone for a good portion of his life or hasn't been able to hold down a proper relationship. That Porn was his "sex" for a long period of time as well. And, that alcohol is a part of relieving his depression.

It's possible that he suffers from depression and is not happy within himself which started way before you entered the scene.

It would be good if you gave us some back-ground of what you know of his "before" life, before he met you. If he even likes his job or if it's just a job.

Drinking so much alcohol to the point of not being able to think and feeling sick the next day and doing it all over again, watching Porn, sounds he's in a downward spiral.

It also sounds as if he watches more porn that you would like him to, especially given that you are not intimate.

This has nothing at all to do with you.. Porn can lead to a man looking after himself and not needing sex if he is addicted to that, and addicted to alcohol, no one else matters in his life at present and he needs help.
Luvmebaby
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 03:59 am
@FOUND SOUL,
Thanks everyone for your input. The first 8months we lived and worked together and sex was more frequent. He does have some mental health issues. He has only been in this job for 3 months or so and enjoys it. when he is living away he is living with his male work colleagues. I love him very much and he is a great person with whom has issues. I want to work through them with him. I has accepted that he is a problem and needs help but isn't taking that next step.
Your certainly right as I do enable him like his family does too. I'm just unsure what to do next. Stick Around and help him through or leave. Which I don't want to do.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 05:35 am
@Luvmebaby,
Don't mingle your finances. His credit rating will only screw over yours.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2014 07:06 am
@Luvmebaby,
Ok...I don't understand why your concerned more about the sex than the drinking...he seems sick, literally. He has a problem...if you care about him, help him. Start by talking to him about his alcohol problem. Try to get him some help. Yep...even if he only binges weekends, it's still alcoholism.
0 Replies
 
shandy69
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 24 Aug, 2014 11:49 am
@Luvmebaby,
No idea
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Aug, 2014 12:40 pm
@shandy69,
Okay shandy69, you run from thread to thread and write "no idea" - perhaps you should come back when you've learned to write some more words, hm?
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Aug, 2014 12:44 pm
@Luvmebaby,
Hello Luvmebaby,
you're both 27 - usually peak age for sex. If your boyfriend drinks on the weekend only, has no physical contact with you, then the answer is clear: your relationship is over!

If he has a serious drinking problem, you need to encourage him to seek help and go from there. Any man who is seriously drunk, is not capable of having sex - i.e. very few are still functioning, and the answer to that is clear as well.

In either case, he needs to seek help and if he does, support him. If he doesn't - lose him!
0 Replies
 
shandy69
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 26 Aug, 2014 04:55 am
maybe yes maybe no
0 Replies
 
 

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