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He turned cold after we met?

 
 
Reply Mon 11 Aug, 2014 01:05 pm

I met a guy about 3 months ago, he was absolutely wonderful. Nice, charming, open and even though he was not the type of guy i usually go for I felt this weird connection with him and I got the impression that he was a serious type of guy.

We have mutual friends so I started talking to him through them. We had only met once and after that one time he added me on Facebook and we wrote nonstop for 2 weeks, then he got my Kik and after those 2 weeks went by he suddenly started being really sexual towards me out of the blue, wanting to be friends with benefits and so on.

I made it clear to him that I was not that type of girl ( without getting angry) and that I was the relationship type. He then started saying that he could have a relationship with me, which I found odd since he did not know me at all and said he did not like being commited?

We continued texting and after some weeks he claimed to like me so much that he could see himself with me in the future, he even said he thought we were 'soulmates' and could even marry me if we stayed together for a long time. He said I was 'different' and had a big heart.

But he was still very sexual at times and wanted to sext and begged for me to send him nudes all the time. He wanted to 'just have fun' with me until he finished school and THEN wanted to be commited and he told me that he never wanted to hurt me.

Now, after 3 months of texting and talking on the phone he wanted to meet up so we met today at his place. I made it clear to him before that I would not have sex with him. Things turned out pretty sexual anyway of course... And it was my first time ever doing something with a guy. But we did not go all the way.

So everything was fine at first, he tried to really get into my pants but I would tell him no and first he had no problem with me telling him no, which I did about 5 times. Then suddenly he became distanced and did not even want to cuddle. I asked him what the matter was and he kept telling me 'nothing, I am tired' and when i wanted to kiss him he turned away. He then said ' You do not really want to do this'. But I mean, I had told him before that I did not wanna get TOO sexual with him right away?

Later on he texted me that ' something felt off or wrong' and he could not put his finger on what it was. I really don't understand what I did wrong because he knew from the beginning what I was okay with. But he still wanted to talk to me and he said he was sorry... He told me that ' If I knew what the problem was I would let you know I promise '

I am confused. I don't wanna believe he turned cold because I set boundaries! I mean he really IS a nice guy, just a little bit immature maybe.
Then again he might have done this because he felt that I did not really enjoy whatever was going on and just did it to please him. He told me he felt like he pressured me. But these two things kind of go against eachother?

Or maybe he just really did not connect with me and something was just 'missing'. Maybe I seemed 'better' when we texted and my personality dissapointed him when we met...

What do you think?





 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Mon 11 Aug, 2014 01:34 pm
@cynhtiajanson,
He wanted a hookup. Regardless of what you said. Then it went a bit and he thought he could convince you. He realized he couldn't so, rather than either force you (very bad) or end up jerking off in his bathroom, he got distant.

Here's a tip. If you don't want to have sex with someone, don't hang around their home, alone with them. Particularly not after you've just met in person. Particularly not after all the pushing for sexting, for nude images (this is jerkoff fodder), etc.

Of course being alone in someone's home does not 100% equal sex. But to him this was a fairly clear signal that you could be persuaded. When you couldn't be, he got pissed off.

BTW, don't go back and apologize, or think you have to fix anything about yourself except (a) maybe not trusting strangers so much to go to their homes, alone at a first meeting and (b) maybe not trusting someone who is so all over the place re commitment, relationships, sexting, etc. Because from this perspective, he just seems like a guy who wanted to get into your pants and, likely, a bunch of other girls'.
CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Mon 11 Aug, 2014 01:35 pm
@cynhtiajanson,
Ok, this is going to be easy, so pay very close attention.

Quote:
So everything was fine at first, he tried to really get into my pants but I would tell him no and first he had no problem with me telling him no, which I did about 5 times. Then suddenly he became distanced and did not even want to cuddle.
First of all, you should only have had to tell him once. He did not respect you enough to back off the first time, but rather he kept trying to get in your pants. So, of course, when you didn't give in, which he probably figured you would if he kept trying, he got all pouty about it hoping that maybe that would work.

What you have is a guy who from the start has expressed a desire to get into your pants. You wouldn't without a relationship, so he decided to tease you with the promise of a possible relationship. That did not work so now he starts playing the poor hurt puppy routine to see if that will work.

You need to find someone who will respect your wishes. This guy only wants in your pants and once that happens, I think he will move on to his next conquest. If a man is going to pout when he doesn't get sex from you, what do you think that says about him?

0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Mon 11 Aug, 2014 01:38 pm
@jespah,
Great minds think alike Jespah. lol
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Aug, 2014 01:41 pm
@CoastalRat,
High 5^
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Aug, 2014 02:06 pm
What in the world is Kik?

PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Aug, 2014 03:14 pm
Be sure you don't say NO when you mean yes - and vice versa. Guys don't like mixed signals.

You put yourself into a situation where he thought he had the "go" signal. You continued to talk to him when he became very sexual and insisting. So what do you think he thought would happen?

Yeah, he's pissed. . . and frustrated.

You misread him, badly.
cynhtiajanson
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Aug, 2014 12:10 am
@ossobuco,
It is kind of like MSN for phones!
0 Replies
 
cynhtiajanson
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Aug, 2014 12:13 am
@PUNKEY,
Yeah I guess it is true. But he still wants to talk to me, and it is his choice so he does not really seem pissed. He just seemed dissapointed... But would it not be enough to just TELL him that I do not want to have sex? Smile
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Aug, 2014 12:20 am
@cynhtiajanson,
You are not getting it. You were tooled, although he seems relatively straightforward, and you didn't listen.
It's a learning experience.
cynhtiajanson
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Aug, 2014 12:23 am
@ossobuco,
Well it is a shame because he usually is Such a sweet guy :/
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Aug, 2014 12:25 am
@cynhtiajanson,
You think so?
cynhtiajanson
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Aug, 2014 12:52 am
@ossobuco,
Maybe not in this case if he actually turned cold because I did not sleep with him but otherwise he is wonderful and everybody just loves him.. :/
I just don't understand how someone who is so sweet could possibly get mad because I did not sleep with him?
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Aug, 2014 05:40 am
@cynhtiajanson,
Don't you get it? you were a prick tease.

He's mad because you played along with him, gave him a signal of YES, then said NO.

He's probably moved on to someone who will play his game - fully. He is NOt looking for someone who does not want sex.
cynhtiajanson
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Aug, 2014 06:24 am
@PUNKEY,
Haha so yeah.. Now he completely ignores my texts..
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Aug, 2014 06:34 am
@cynhtiajanson,
Everything I read here says he was just looking for sex (and he is rather manipulative about it). He doesn't want anything else.
0 Replies
 
 

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