How to actually get to the first date?

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well, i'm a very shy guy with little words and in a case of meeting someone new it probably takes me a few meetings before i feel comfortable enough to actually start speaking. about 3 months ago i went out with some friends to this bar where i saw the bar lady for the first time and was breath taken by her beauty. i decided that i'll go to the bar every week to try and actually speak to her. 2 weeks ago i finally got her number via other means and text-ed her to see if she knows who i am and to let her know that i think she's the most beautiful person i have ever seen and would love to get to know her better. she replied saying she thought my message was sweet and that she can't put my face with anyone she saw or can remember at the bar. a few days later she invited me to go to the bar where she was working to have a drink with her, so i went but i couldn't get any words out as i was again mesmerized by her beauty. she left that night without saying goodbye which i think might have been my fault but then again she was working and she was tired and had a rough week behind her as one of her dear friends died in a motorcycle accident and his burial was the next day. i text-ed her the following morning saying how sorry i am i couldn't get out a word but would like to make it up to her any way possible but had forgotten about the friends burial. she only replied later that night saying she's going to bed. i'm heart broken that i might have ruined any chances i had with a beautiful and intelligent woman. i have no idea what to do next.. should i just wait until she contacts me? which i don't think she'll do.. should i contact her? and if so what should i say? i was thinking of going to the bar everyday for an hour have a drink and see if i can get the courage to maybe ask her out for coffee/ a movie/ or just anything for that matter just to get to know her better. but that might be the worst idea ever. i'm stuck and don't know what to do because i don't just want to leave things as they are i have never felt like this about someone i don't know and i need to know why i feel this way about her.. can anyone please give me some advice?

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 1,525 • Replies: 13

@nonumous,

Why would getting to know someone better be a bad idea? Your physically beautiful woman could be horrible inside. How are you supposed to know that without spending some time with her, away from her work?

And, BTW, people who work at bars (is this a barmaid? Waitress? Someone whose job it is to get people to buy more drinks?) are hit on all the time. No wonder she couldn't remember who you were. She's probably dealing with this pretty constantly. Understand that your infatuation is likely to be business as usual for her.

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@jespah,

i think i might have been misunderstood. its not that's she's physically beautiful but rather she's a beautiful in all other ways possible, my friend's were actually begging me to stay away because she looks way older than she is and a bit chubby but that's not what i was looking at so it bothers me in the least. she's kind and softhearted, her day job is working with kids (teaching). if need be take the working at a bar situation completely out of the equation because i would have fallen for her if she walked past me on the street. all i want is to get her to go on a date with me to get to know her better. to see if the feeling might be mutual. if it ends up that it's not i would understand and move on. but i think i owe it to myself to at least give it a try? i'm just not sure how to go about it, like i said i'm shy and these kinds of things doesn't come to me naturally. so thanks for the reply but that's just discouraging and doesn't help me in any way.

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@nonumous,

Perhaps I did not make myself clear.

There is nothing wrong with you asking her out for coffee (you're the one who claimed it was a bad idea, not me). But understand that she may have plenty of people interested in her. That's what happens in bars. People who work there get hit on. A lot. Sorry if that's discouraging but that's reality.

So ask her out. Say, "____ (whatever her name is), I really enjoy chatting with you at ___ (name of the bar). Do you want to go out some time for coffee?" And say coffee, which is a little less of a commitment and you are making it abundantly clear that you don't want to just go wherever she works.

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@jespah,

Sorry i think i really misunderstood what you were trying to say. i don't think i said it was a bad idea but if it did that's not what i was trying to say. i get that there would probably be a lot of people hitting on her and i think that might be a big reason why i don't know how to approach the situation.

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@nonumous,

nonumous wrote:

a few days later she invited me to go to the bar where she was working to have a drink with her, so i went but i couldn't get any words out as i was again mesmerized by her beauty. she left that night without saying goodbye

did you talk at all to her that night?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

nonumous wrote:
a few days later she invited me to go to the bar where she was working to have a drink

did you talk at all to her that night?

I bet he didn't, but bought several drinks. If I owned a bar, I would hire that lady.

1 Reply

@contrex,

that's my suspicion as well (no talk/buy drink/s)

Jespah's suggestion to invite her out for a coffee (away from the bar) is good for many reasons .

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@ehBeth,

yes we did actually talk. not a lot. she invited me to go sit with her on our own so we could talk some more.. but i was a bit busy and when i eventually got up to go sit with her she had to get back to working

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@nonumous,

Quote:

but i was a bit busy

Either you are wasting our time or you have Aspergers.

1 Reply

@contrex,

wow here i was asking for help and this is what i get. people are so unreliable its just sad. thanks anyway but i guess i'll try and work it out myself

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@nonumous,

Quote:

can anyone please give me some advice?

stop trying to get girls till you have grown a pair and developed a personality. Right now you are wasting everyones time.

Done.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

if you knew my history you would understand why i'm struggling. all i wanted was some advice but it seems i'm on the wrong site. maybe i shouldn't have asked at all. can't see why your saying i'm wasting everyone's time because there was no need for you to reply. if you didn't have advice you could have just moved on to another post? being shy and soft doesn't mean i don't have a pair and need a personality. i probably have more than a personality than you'd ever have.

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@nonumous,

Stop trying to put the blame on "us" because you didn't like the sound advice that was given to you right up front.

Maybe you are on the wrong site.

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How to actually get to the first date?

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