very confused about my sexuality

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My story is kind of messed up but here it is. I am a male in my 20s. So at the age of around 8 or 9 I began getting erecrions and these were over women, when I first masturbated it was over a woman and this attraction continued until I was about 14 when one day I decide to look at gay open and I was aroused, i watched it a bit but only about 5 times or so. My attraction to women was such that it didn't bother me I was like 98% leaning towards women and so after my attraction to women continued.

When I hit 16 though I did the stupidest thing in my life. I am white but was only attracted to ethnic women, I was a bit racist back then and so tried to do this thing where I forced myself to get erectins over white women using the technique where I would kind of breathe in air and it would make me hardish but give me no real sexual pleasure, its really messed up, I also 'banned' myself from wanking over ethnic women. I continued doing this for a long time and somehow I lost all my sex drive.
This thing also really hurt physically, as if there was too much gas/ air in your body, i really can't explain it but all I know is that I'm a massive idiot.

However the sex drive is returning now but I seem to be mainly attracted to men now... as if the tables have turned. Having considered being straight all my life and perhaps bi curious at a younger age this is a shock to me.
I mean is this temporary? Permanent? How can a guy who would wank 3 times a day over women at my peak now feel so little attraction to women. I can accept that maybe I've always been bisexual but such a dramatic shift in my orientation is hard to take.

This story may be the weirdest you have heard, especially the air thing but......I am really confused right now

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[+4] - jespah - 08/08/2014Well, sexuality is more of a spectrum. Most people aren't 100% one way or the other.

@newcomer,

Well, sexuality is more of a spectrum. Most people aren't 100% one way or the other.

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Quote:

Newcomer said: I forced myself to get erectins over white women using the technique where I would kind of breathe in air

Not sure I understand mate, are you saying you breathe through your willy?
If so, that'd come in useful when you're swimming the backstroke

1 Reply

@newcomer,

Have you actually done anything besides masturbating? Have you had intercourse with a woman and/or man?

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

Kinda personal question there, Jane?

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@Nark Mobble,

He started it! Smile

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Quote:

Newcomer said: at the age of around 8 or 9 I began getting erecrions and these were over women

That's pretty young mate, it took me til I was about 14.
And sometimes I'd get a whiff of a womans perfume in the street and almost faint as my hormones kicked in like a jet afterburner

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@newcomer,

Diffuse sexual feelings are cosiderably more common than many folks are willing to admit. The most important thing to keep in mind, IMHO, is these perceptions do not define who you are.

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@Romeo Fabulini,

Quote:

Newcomer said: I forced myself to get erectins over white women
using the technique where I would kind of breathe in air

Romeo Fabulini wrote:

Not sure I understand mate, are you saying you breathe through your willy?
If so, that'd come in useful when you're swimming the backstroke

a snorkel

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@newcomer,

I seems as if that technique you were using did the trick.
But as you were not actually attracted to these women you were masturbating over your brain/body seems to be looking for sexual stimulation else where.

I am "bisexual" myself, even though i prefer the term gender blind. I am a female and i have periods where i am solely attracted to men and times i am solely attracted to women.

You also could be experiencing the same thing.
It doesnt seem as if you're completely comfortable with your sexuality of yet.

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@newcomer,

Same sexual things all the time get boring. It's the primary reaosn people cheat. Routine sex is dull. New sex is hot and exciting. If you've been into women primarily, may find the men with the women in what you usually enjoy looking at hold some interest too. Evolved my own bisexuality this way. Lots of sex and fantasy about women, but men were also present as in most porn, so over time I wondered, eventually experimented and realize sex is just sex.

I actually maintain there are no sexual orientations but rather everyone's situationally sexually fluid. Prisoners 'make due' with same-sex sex despite identifying as heterosexual, actors play gay roles though straight, people "experiment," top may id as straight reasoning everyone's mouth and ass feels identical (rightly so imo heh,) whereas bottoms are "gay," etc.

There's so much overlap in our sexual terms what is or isn't this or that depends on the indfividual speaking. Is having a gay fantasy an indicator of being gay, if so is a lesbians ex fantasy if male an indicator of wanting to be a woman? Who knows. Who cares though is more to the point. Sexuality exists on a spectrum. It's not all one thing or another.

Just as only about 3% of sample groups identify as exclusively gay, I think it's about that for exclusively straight. Everyone else is somewhere in the middle.

Are in fact 6 biological sexes for people (not just two, male and female, look it up,) so lots of sexual possibilities to be enjoyed. Why int he world should we limit ourselves to 1/6th the possibilities if we enjoy sex? Smile

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@neologist,

Exaaactly, our hearts can naturally become confused..Thats when we use our brains.

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@newcomer,

Bro im only 20 but im similar to.you in the fact that i got erections and loved vagina at around 8 or 9 as well.. Then in high school, i felt like alll girls were **** soo i had a phase where i thought a guy was the solution & thought i was bisexual lmao.

And if you truly love women of color, whats wrong with that??? Sometimes those are the baddest ones!!!

Just find a great girl and get lost in that pussy bro...

Butt sex only leads to diseases and **** bro (literally), trust me, vagina is a million trillion times better aha.

Once you find the aforementioned "great" chick, then the only question for yourself is monogamy or polygamy..And thats where many like myself have issues.

Dick bad, pussy good bro

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@newcomer,

Try not to get so worked up over it. Your still young. Many people go through this sexual confusion. Applying a label to yourself is not a good thing. Give it time...you will figure yourself out.

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@newcomer,

To start with, just know that every pubescent/adolescent boy, regardless of age is a complete sexual lunatic so don't ever judge yourself, not about racial silliness, the bonkers air routine or anything else. Just shake your head, laugh at yourself and know that by being 100% weird you were indeed just being 100% normal. Re the gender bends you're now going round, know that our sexuality doesn't operate somewhere on a spectrum at all, but on a dome. It doesn't sit somewhere between the two most commonly attributed poles of hetero and homo normativity, but is pulled between many other poles as well. E.g. A need for sexual submissiveness, or sexual dominance. And many of these 'directions' relate to childhood experiences (At age '8 or 9' you were very definitely still a child.) At this stage just experiment with everything, the most important thing you can do is get rid of any self condemnation completely. With sex, variance is normal, you will work it out. And it simply doesn't matter at all whether you are straight, gay, or like most men somewhere in between. People who judge others for their sexual peccadilloes are morons. And if you want to understand what's motivating and de-motivating you look at how you related to your mum, dad, siblings etc. And experiences. Especially at how you were introduced to your sexuality.
What excited, disgusted or damaged you as a child. It's all there and with time you will come to understand and love yourself.

1 Reply

@austral,

If you are attracted to women and men you are bisexual but if only a woman your a lesbian same with men, if you do not know you are still confused about your status soon you will know that too.

1 Reply

@Steven68,

Same with men? So if a man is attracted to a woman he's a lesbian?

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@chai2,

Huh, I never thought of it that way before.

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@chai2,

Some of us were born into men's bodies.

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@newcomer,

I would suggest to take a break from sexuality in general. You have messed with it so much at such a young age that your mind seems confused. But spend time around girls and only flirt with them if you must. It doesn't matter if they're not white. Everyone has a preference so don't force yourself to change it since it'll lead to problems as it did in your case. Let love happen naturally. It can't be forced if you want to find your true self with a girl.

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very confused about my sexuality

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