Where is this affair going?

Forums: Relationships, Affairs, Cheating, Dating, Colleagues
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I have worked with my co-director for nearly 5 years, always having fancied him...not knowing that he felt the same. I had always been in a relationship, as had he. However 3/4 months ago I split up with my partner, and my co-director and I started sleeping together. We have admitted feelings for each other, and we both find it is very difficult not being public. Here is the issue...he has a fiancé with whom he has been with for 7/8 years, and together they have a 9 month old son. He has said if it wasn't for his son he would leave. He got jealous today over me texting another man...and said that if I am to start seeing other people he doesn't want to be kept in limbo. He also said he wants to know that the door will never be fully closed...i.e if I start seeing someone will I still sleep with him on our xmas do!!! I find that very selfish...He says he no longer loves his fiance and could cope with losing her and the house...but not his son. I can't explain the extent of the conversations we have had but he does make me believe there is more to us...and ALL our work colleagues have commented on the chemistry and magnetism between us, some of them very recently having 'foreseen the future' that we will end up together (without knowing we are even having an affair!)

I am scared of losing him completely, although if I do end it I know I will. I haven't admitted that I am in love with this man...and I feel as though he will NEVER leave his relationship for the sake of his son. This is the part he says he struggles with most.

My question is...what the hell do I do. Do I end it completely now? Do I carry on and pretend it's just fun when really I'm falling deeper and deeper...or do I let myself fall in the hope that he will eventually leave her because he is in love with me?

Help :-(

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 2,330 • Replies: 6

@mischeif,

You want to stay with this incredibly selfish and lazy person? If it's over with his fiancée, then he should leave her. Plenty of couples split up, and then figure out the child custody arrangements. There's no reason why this guy can't do the same, except that he's a lazy, selfish prick.

Why doesn't he want to leave, when he can sleep with both of you, keep his home, and not have to pay child support under a court order? This is an awesome situation. For him.

What should you do? Get some counseling to determine why you're willing to be a full-time doormat for a part-time so-called 'relationship' that is really just meant for one thing.

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@mischeif,

So let me get this straight. You split with your boyfriend and jump into bed with a guy that you work with (bad idea number 1) and who has a fiancee (bad idea number 2) and who has a child with said fiancee (bad idea number 3.) And you seriously need help deciding what to do? Really?

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He has said if it wasn't for his son he would leave

And of course you believe him. If he did not have a son, then he would tell you that he would leave her if not for the house they share, or the dog they have, or that she has some physical ailment that he needs to be there for her. There would be another reason. I know this because we hear these reasons all the time here from women just like you who are desperately looking for affirmation from others in order to continue to do something they know is wrong.

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He also said he wants to know that the door will never be fully closed

In other words, he doesn't much care for your happiness as long as he can get in your pants whenever the mood strikes him. Again, why do you need us to tell you what to do?

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He says he no longer loves his fiance

If I had a dollar for every woman who has written this statement about the married/attached man they are sleeping with, I would be rich. This line of bull is spoken by every cheating man or woman to the person they are cheating with in order to make themselves seem somehow less disgusting for stepping out on their spouse.

Look, Jespah, myself and probably EVERYONE who comments on here will tell you to drop the guy unless he splits with his fiancee. I will say this for what is probably the hundredth time on A2K. If the bastard will cheat on his fiancee, what makes you think he won't cheat on you?

Grow up and realize that this guy is getting a nice piece of ass on the side and that is all you really are to him. If he loved you, he would leave his fiancee.

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@mischeif,

He isn't committed to either you or his fiancé . He had at least told you what to expect...I doubt his fiancé is that lucky. You are both his narcissistic supply.

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If he left his fiancee' there is no reason why he would lose his son. So, there goes the only reason why he says he can't leave. The fact that he tells you he is NOT leaving then tells you that you have to remain available for him is the most ludicrous, selfish, pig headed thing I have heard in a while (and trust me I've heard some doozies). He isn't going to leave. Ever. By some miracle that they split up (probably because she will wise up to what's going on) and the two of you can be together guilt free, you will have to live with the knowledge that he's only with you because he got kicked out and he had nowhere else to go for a free ride. It sucks that you fell for someone already attached, but it's obvious that he isn't worth fighting for. Do yourself a favor and end it. It is going to hurt, but not nearly as much as it will hurt later after years of waiting around for nothing. Besides, these things always get found out, do you really want to be around when his wife finds out or a co-worker puts two and two together?

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@mischeif,

So ..,.he hasn't committed to a fiancé of 7/8 years with a baby..he is telling you he won't commit to you...hummm....what to expect? You knew the deal and expected him to drop his family? Why did you even get involved?...you knew it'd be someone's misery..so...The guy's a prize BTW and so are you.

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Let me tell you from first hand experience...IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE. IT NEVER DID AND IT NEVER WILL!!!! They will tell you whatever you want to hear. They will give the assurance so that you'll stay and "wait" for him. They have an answer and excuse for everything. DON'T BELIEVE A WORD!!! Affairs are like a bad drug and gambling addiction. At first it's all fun and wonderful. It feels great and you make each other come alive. You fill each other's "voids" and then become each other's "soulmates". Then soon you begin to expect more and he doesn't deliver or live up to your expectations . This is when frustration, resentment, jealousy develops. Next thing you know, you spiral downward into a deep dark place. You become depressed. You feel isolated. Affairs consumes you and slowly destroys the person that you are. DON'T DO IT!!! Biggest regret of my life. I wish I could turn back the clock and kept driving.

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Where is this affair going?

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