Not sure what to do???

Forums: Relationships, Marriage, Cheating
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My husband has had a difficult time for the last six years. He lost his business, transitioned into a job he does not like and I believe is still struggling with our daughter's special needs diagnosis. He is very bitter. It's as if the whole world is against him. He cannot handle any perceived problems and blows off the handle over any little thing. I cannot even share with him problems like a family health issues, etc because he doesn't want to hear other's problems. So as a result I feel our relationship is strained because I am limited in only sharing positive things with him. I also feel like I enable him in some ways as I completely cater to his needs. He has turned his back on his faith. This is something that is VERY important to me. In addition, he has displayed very questionable behavior in his business dealings and I've lost a lot of respect for him. Additionally, he is a very absent father to our 3 kids. He does show them love but only on his terms. Due to all of this, his parents have suggested that maybe he needs counseling or to see a therapist. They don't understand why he cannot deal with the seemingly small challenges of life. We have not approached the topic with him.
I've, on the other hand, gotten through the hardships of our last six years and felt a lot of personal growth. I've started a nonprofit organization and feel my work is very worthwhile. It has become very successful. I've NEVER considered cheating on him, however this past weekend at a business conference, I felt so much attraction to a man (equally passionate about my cause) that had he showed any interest, I would have slept with him. I know this is due to my unhappiness. I'm not sure what to do? I don't want to jeopardize my relationship. I won't be seeing this man again for quite some time as he lives in another state but I feel guilty that I even wanted to be with him. I'd love advice... I think my husband has some great qualities but right now his life is all about him.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 966 • Replies: 5

[+4] - jespah - 07/15/2014Get your husband into counseling. He needs treatment because his (likely) depression is going to pull everyone else down with it. You say he engaged in questionable business dealings. You need not...

@deatask,

Get your husband into counseling. He needs treatment because his (likely) depression is going to pull everyone else down with it. You say he engaged in questionable business dealings. You need not answer this next question but consider the answer in your head - does he manage your finances (e. g. balance your checkbook)?

I think the feeling of attraction is kind of normal. You had positive attention paid to you, and it was for something in your life that brings you joy. Big contrast, too, to your husband who seems to only be able to handle happy talk. Well, life is not like that. Like you said, your daughter has needs (as do your other children, as do you). Ignoring these problems is not making them go away.

If your husband will not go to counseling, then go alone. Spend the time getting tools to cope with someone in his condition, and to figure out what you want to do. I doubt that your future is with this guy at the conference, but you may find that your future is without your husband.

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@jespah,

Thanks for the advice. I handle all the personal finances so I'm not worried about that. I appreciate your response. I'm not interested in a relationship with the other guy. He's married and has a family like myself. I think I'm just so unhappy and had such a nice, fun and meaningful encounter that I was willing to have a one night stand, which is obviously wrong.

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You need couples marriage counseling.ASAP.

You are falling out of love with your husband and are very vulnerable to anyone whom you admire and feel an attraction to. You are a walking time bomb.

Does you husband know of your feelings? You need to express these things to him in a safe environment (counseling office)

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@PUNKEY,

I don't feel my husband is stable enough to handle my feelings. I am working towards getting him an appointment with a therapist. It's not likely I will encounter another similar situation with a man as I stay home with our children and deep down have no desire to break apart our family. I'm hopeful he can get help (and me too as I know there are areas I also need to work on) and we can move forward. We've been married 16 years and I don't want to give up.

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Your hub is one of those people who can't laugh at himself and takes everything too seriously.
Tell him to become a Christian.. Smile

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want"- (Philippians 4:12)

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Not sure what to do???

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