Reply Sun 13 Jul, 2014 10:12 am
Hi, I'm new to this site so hi everyone. I'm 16 and I was in a relationship for about a year with my first bf. He moved far last summer and we decided to break up and just keep a friendship. After only a few months we both got tired of suppressing our feelings and eventually I even got to spend the day with him when he was visiting for a week.
Months after that, I was too stressed out about keeping it together so I broke it off with him; but no other reason then the fact we couldn't be together and there's no real future involving us. He lost his phone at that time, so I didn't text him, but I called his house phone.
Months after that, I contacted him on a gaming website that we're both on and he responded with things like "I miss you a lot" and stuff going on his life. He apologized for not talking with me in so long even though we broke up, and that he's been busy. I didn't respond until days later cause I didn't want to seem desperate. It took him a while for him to be online again, but no response.
Is he just playing with me? I mean, he was more invested in the relationship when we actually had one, I don't think he'd want to hurt me. I just need a new perspective please, other than my friends who laugh at me for ever dating him.
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Reply Sun 13 Jul, 2014 02:29 pm
Long distance relationships are tricky. They can work out, but the odds are stacked rather high against that. Add in the fact that you are 16 (I assume he's within a year or two of your age) and this was your first relationship and the odds are rather poor indeed.

The kicker about distance is that anyone can say nearly anything. You cannot verify much. Him being busy for months could very well mean that he was busy with someone else, or at least trying to get with someone else. Loyalty is possible but it is by no means guaranteed.

Another thing about distance is that it is insulating. By being able to say, "I have a boyfriend." to potential boyfriends, you keep yourself from taking chances. It can be very easy to turn down people because you're (you feel) technically 'taken'. It is safe and risk-free.

Plus it means you get a rather lopsided view of someone. Most people do not go online if they are feeling truly low, so you are getting a skewed picture. At least you two have already dated in person, but I guarantee you that he has changed (and I also guarantee that you have; that's what happens when you're 16 or so). You're probably not seeing him overly tired, or with zits, or when he's going over homework because he likely wouldn't be online much during those times, anyway. Hence you could be seeing a lot of happy talk - and the same is true in reverse, that you might (consciously or not) be projected an idealized version of yourself to him. Hence he misses you, not only because of who you are, but also because he doesn't catch you during the times that you're stressed out over homework, or you need to brush your hair, or you're arguing with your folks.

Long distance relationships can suppress this kind of reality. They can amp up the nostalgia, and they can keep people from taking worthwhile risks and giving others a chance.

Think about it. For someone who claims to care about you as much as he does, you only got one day out of the week that he was back. And he's often been slowing in communicating with you.

Don't waste your time hitching your wagon to this particular star.
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Reply Sun 13 Jul, 2014 09:31 pm
16 year old boys are not capable of having a mature relationship.

Accept him like he is or move on.
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