15 year affair with married man

I can't get over him. It started in 2002, we got caught by my then husband in 2003. Married man told his wife about it. I stayed in my marriage and he stayed in his. I had only been married for 9 years, he had been married for 24 years. He is 13 years older. We broke it off to save our marriages but found ourselves doing it again about 9 months later. And kept it going from Feb 2004 to January 2014. We worked together, talked or texted everyday for the last 10 years. He is the love of my life as he said I am his. We had a very deep connection. He traveled a lot, for work, and was only home on the weekends. So, it made it easy for me to see him. We found time for mini vacations and everything. In the fall of 2011, I asked my then husband for a separation. We ended up getting a divorce that we both wanted. He was never able to get over the affair when I got caught in 2003. He had no idea I was continuing the affair. At the end of 2011, married man somehow told his wife that he was cheating with me again. All hell broke loose. She was devastated. He said he didn't love her anymore. That he wanted a divorce. The first half of 2012 his wife was trying to save the marriage. Bad fights between them, lots of issues. He said he wasn't having sex with her anymore but I confronted him in April 2012 and he said he had a couple of times that year. His kids are grown but somehow got involved with the situation because of the wife telling them. They were devastated about the affair. They understood that their parents grew apart but having the affair didn't help. So, everything came to a head in July 2012 when married man, his wife and their grown daughters got together to discuss the situation. And the wife threw out there...if you divorce me, you can take your mom with you. His elderly mom has been living with them for 20 plus years. I guess married man thought his wife would take care of his mom if he divorced her so he could still travel and do his job. So, he told me that he had to stay in the marriage because of his mom. That he couldn't take her out of that house because she would die. So, he continued to tell his wife that he was only staying for his mom. He told his wife that we were not seeing each other anymore. She wanted to know why then he couldn't try in the marriage if they were both trapped. He told me he was doing the bare minimum with wife. Mostly family things. Kids, grandkids over, etc. I caught him in many lies. I stopped asking if he was having sex with her because I figured he was. If not every weekend...enough. I think he thinks he was doing it to pacify her so she wouldn't divorce him. Because if she divorced him he would have to deal with his mom. We continued to see each other and have a great time. 2013 started and it was a rough year because of my nasty divorce. I still found time to spend multiple days in a row with him when he was in town. We still worked together. He lives in another state...3 hour drive. He came in to my town about once a month or more because of work. We almost ended it a few times in 2013 because we were fighting so much. I was stressed about the divorce. I was getting upset that I couldn't spend weekends with him, holidays...you know the things you don't get when you are having an affair. And he was continuing to do things with his family which included his wife. He still slept in the same bed as her and said that if he didn't, it would raise a red flag. I said, doesn't not having sex with her, raise a red flag...he said no. Probably because he was having sex with her. We got into a huge fight in Oct/Nov 2013 and almost ended it but one of us would always call the other one and beg to stay together. Then we decided that things needed to change. He said, you are going to be divorced soon and on the other side and I'm not going to be able to give you enough. I think he was finally living in reality and not fantasy. I had been living in reality all year. I wasn't asking him to leave his wife. I was asking him to do the bare minimum with her until we were able to be together. I guess I envisioned my single life of him being there when he could and I would continue to live by myself and raise my children. Well, we met in January 2014...I believe at this time, we had seen a part of each other we didn't like...when we were fighting. I met him at his hotel in town and decided that we couldn't go on like this. I asked him if his wife would be surprised to find out that he was having an affair and he said yes...I told him that's all the answer I need to know that he has been living a normal life with her. I said he was a liar and coward. So, I left the hotel room. Got into a fight on the phone with him when I got home. Then sent him her facebook profile picture of the two of them...didn't look like a couple in a troubled marriage. I felt duped....15 years with this man in an emotional and physical relationship. I ended up calling his wife the next night. She knew who I was. She was surprised. He called me and screamed his head off. I basically told him that she deserved to know. Then I sent her an email and apologized for my actions of sleeping with her husband. But also threw in some details she didn't know...he has tattoos that represent us. So, we cut it off. No communication. I finally reached out to him at the end of May 2014. He was surprised. But we talked for 4 hours. We argued a little. I told him that he's doing exactly what I said he would do...go back to his marriage. Because all of 2013 he said he wasn't going back to his marriage, he was staying because of his mom and then he was going to leave his wife, whether I was in the picture or not. I miss him terribly. I know I made a mistake by calling his wife. I feel that if I didn't, I would have him in my life in some way...even part time. But what does that say about me? I also found out that he sent an email to his kids saying he was going to make the marriage work. He's all about his kids and thinks that if he gets a divorce, they won't be there. I think he just wanted his cake and eat it too. But I still miss him. I know he's probably bending over backwards for her. She's an idiot for staying with a man who was in such a deep relationship with someone else. And they are traveling and doing more together...stuff she has wanted for a long time. I don't think I could be with a man knowing that he is only doing stuff with me because he's not with his affair partner. I am so confused here. I pray to God every day that this man gets a divorce and we find each other again. Sorry for this long saga...just wanted thoughts.