Post Abortion Break Blues

Reply Mon 23 Jun, 2014 05:47 pm
Dear Forum,
I'm currently on break from my partner after our decision to have an abortion. Prior to this abortion we had two main issues, one he said he needed more time to himself, that with a hectic work scheduled, and his friends, and me he never had time for himself anymore, and our other biggest issue not breaking down the "I love you wall" he says he's the type of person that takes a long time for him to break down that wall, and that was something I was willing to wait for, yes we have been official and in September it will be a year since we have been together. I already said it but he has alot of trouble, prior to our pregnancy it was something I was willing to accept. Once the pregnancy arrised, he was honest with my family and saying that we have been having issues and he opened up to them about his feelings. My crazy latino family did not take that very well, and they see him now as not stepping up to the plate, little did they know he told me he would support me and stay with me regardless of what decision I made. After the abortion, my parents stopped letting him stay over the house, and they decided to put a curfew on me, mind you Im 23 almost 24 and help my parents pay part of the mortgage. So I pretty much ran away with my partner, even though the one thing we needed was space, here I was homeless and needing help and he was the only one willing to help. After that I started to have nightmares of the baby, our relationship began to turn for the worst, I could't sleep nor eat well, I got the flu, and he followed sute. He got so sick that he took almost 4 days off work, mind you with the abortion and pregnancy he also took some time off work, so he was borderline almost fired. I would have mental breakdowns, anxiety attacks, and borderline psychotic episodes, and on every turn he wanted to try and hang out with one of the guys I understood he needed his space, but after this I had never felt more alone. Monday, he decides that we need a break from eachother, and was contemplating the relationship altogether, I moved back home, and my family is feeding me negative energy of why I was even with this man in the first place. Little by little via text and social media he started to show signs that he missed me, up untill thursday he stated to me clearly he did not want to end our relationship, that it was never going to solve our issues. I've never done a break before, I don't know how I should feel, nor how I should act, from when we last spoke on thursday, it is now Monday, and I have no idea how to feel, I call his sister from time to time because she is the only one that knows of our situation and it's entirety, and is very good of unerstanding both parties. She tells me he thinks about me every day and misses me so much, but then again I have't spoken to him nor heard from his since thursday. What would be the best way to express how I feel once we meet up again and discuss our relationship? How can I express that he needs to bring down his walls and show love for me? How can I let him know that my family affects me, and how I want him to prove how much he cares for me? Can a couple really cope after an abortion?
Reply Mon 23 Jun, 2014 05:52 pm
Of course you can cope. Couples cope about all sorts of things.

Maybe give it a little time. Like you said, that was Thursday, this is Monday. Since you acknowledge you both need some space, then provide it, at least for a little while. I'm not saying to go no-contact, but maybe ease up on it.
Reply Mon 23 Jun, 2014 05:59 pm
he has gone no contact though since Thursday, should I be concerned, we agreed to meet up on Sunday, but this time thing has been killing me! lol
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Reply Mon 23 Jun, 2014 10:12 pm
This man was NOT there for you before, so why are you expecting him to step up to the plate now to comfort you?. Heck, now he is doing a disappearing act.

Don't expect much from him. He seems incapable of expressing any kind of compassion or understanding for what you are going thru.

RE: your family. Can you find another place to stay. Again - you cannot expect any kind of compassion from them. They are loading you up with guilt and remorse.

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