Is the editing acceptable? How to improve?

Is the editing acceptable? How to improve?

The sentence;

But the one thing which interested me most of all was that in a glass case there was the first draft of tone of the president’s speeches, a second draft, and on and on up to the sixth draft.

The attempt to edit it:

But one thing which interested me most of all was that in a glass case there was the first draft of tone of the president’s speeches, a second, and up to the sixth.

I suggest that u don t begin a sentence
with a conjuction, because it is not conjoined to anything.