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Mon 16 Jun, 2014 11:20 am
I'm an athletic girl, mixed race (arab, mexican), curly hair black hair with aqua blue tips, I love pleasing my boyfriend, I get jealous when he looks at other girls, I'm a hard worker, I go to college, I'm very into sports, I used to do drugs and smoke but I quit for my mental+physical health and religion, I love edm and am into the raver lifestyle, I'm kind of preppy/professional and I'm dating a mexican guy, we're in a long distance relationship. I'm really involved with school and being social. I love volunteering too.
He's one year younger than me, obsessed with drugs which really bothers me, rude, antisocial, "meh" looking, skinny, not religious, does not cook, makes me feel used sometimes, offends me a lot, doesn't like soccer, likes video games too much, likes anime, likes weird music, we don't have much in common, I'm dominant, he gets jealous too much, doesn't trust me, awkward, doesn't talk much, doesn't let me get jealous, small umm.. equipment, not a hard worker, cocky, short for a guy (a centimeter shorter than me, I'm 5'6), never played sports, not athletic, doesn't know how to dress, can't dance, VERY hairy, weird last name, doesn't want me wearing a veil even though I want to sometime in the future, and doesn't drive.
While he has all these cons, he also has some pros, I love him, he cares about me, he's adorable, he's awkward (I like and dislike his awkwardness), listens to me, he's moving for me, he likes that I'm obsessed, tries to be patient, wants to marry me, really very smart, makes me laugh, sweet sometimes, and he turns me on.
What bothers me the most about him is that he is too into drugs. He used to smoke weed but he quit for me, but he keeps trying to convince me to let him smoke because "weed isn't that bad", and on top of that he keeps asking me to let him do harder drugs. I'm tired of repeating myself and telling him no and feeling like a kill joy. Recently he told me I need to stop preventing him from having fun which really hurt because I try to text him often, I try not to be boring, I try sexting him and giving him nude video chats so he's not bored (also because I like pleasing him as I've said before) but it just never seems to be enough for him. He just has to have his drugs.
What should I do? Should I stay with him and try to work things out more or should I leave him? I'm always told by my friends that I could do better and while I love him with all my heart, I can't help but hear that little voice that says I can do better. Please help.
Thank you so much for your advice and time in advance!
@CutieGirl,
Listen to the little voice.
@OmSigDAVID,
I love that I can be myself around him, and be lovey dovey with him AMD have him embrace it rather than refute it, I love the way he makes me feel better when I'm sad or angry, and the way he tries to please me despite his timidness, I love that he makes a point of texting me literally every single day without a missed beat, he makes me feel special and like I'm an amazing person despite my really low self esteem. There's just so much love in my heart for him.
@CutieGirl,
Which post of yours contains the truth? Earlier you wrote:
Quote:He's one year younger than me, obsessed with drugs which really bothers me, rude, antisocial, "meh" looking, skinny, not religious, does not cook, makes me feel used sometimes, offends me a lot, doesn't like soccer, likes video games too much, likes anime, likes weird music, we don't have much in common, I'm dominant, he gets jealous too much, doesn't trust me, awkward, doesn't talk much, doesn't let me get jealous, small umm.. equipment, not a hard worker, cocky, short for a guy (a centimeter shorter than me, I'm 5'6), never played sports, not athletic, doesn't know how to dress, can't dance, VERY hairy, weird last name, doesn't want me wearing a veil even though I want to sometime in the future, and doesn't drive.
Sounds like you are in love with the idea of being in a relationship, not necessarily him specifically. You like the act of getting some attention from the man, not not what he does when he gives you the attention.
@CutieGirl,
You are a hard worker - he is not a hard worker
You are very into sports - he is not into sports
You are involved with being social - he is anti-social
You quit drugs and it bothers you that he is into drugs - he is obsessed with drugs and wants to do hard drugs
You are religious - he is not religious
He is:
Rude
Makes you feel used sometimes
Offends you a lot
Doesn't trust you
Doesn't talk much
Doesn't drive
He cares about you
Hes adorable (even though you spent quite a lot of time about what you don't like about his looks)
He listens to you
He is moving for you
Wants to marry you
Very smart
Makes you laugh
Sweet sometimes (But other times is rude, offense and makes you feel used)
Turns you on
You are
Dominant
Thinking about wearing a veil for religious reasons (and yet you send him nude pictures because you don't want him to be bored. How those two square is beyond me)
Of the belief that you don't have much in common.
Hear a little Voice that tells you you can do better
Look at the above, notice how much more red than blue there is. I think you have answered your own question.
I have not added your
"I love him" to the list because I don't think you do and I believe you are questioning whether you actually do too.
You are dominant and can get him to do things. That may be a reason why you keep him around, but, apparently you can't get him to stop taking drugs and his current involvement with drugs and his desire to become involved with hard drugs is not a trivial thing.
There are numerous signs that your relationship with this guy is going nowhere but South. Marrying him would be a disaster. Listen to that little voice and your friends.
(And think about what the religious/cultural purpose of wearing a veil is all about)
@Finn dAbuzz,
Damn man you're on fire very good post
But Abuzz you mention she wearing a veil, I don't think she mentioned her religion a Freudian slip?
@Buttermilk,
She wrote that she is considering wearing a veil and that she is religious. I think you we put two and two together and get that her reason for considering wearing the veil is religious.
I didn't reference what her religion might be but as she also told us she of Arab ethnicity, considering the comment about a veil I think it's pretty safe to say she subscribes in some way to Islam.
@CutieGirl,
I really think the negatives you outlined are far more important issues in a relationship than most of your positives (and there weren't many). I think he is not good enough for you. In the end he will resent you or bring you down - I'd move on, there are plenty of better men out there. Best of luck!
I read about 6 lines in your post. Then I saw and stopped:
"He's one year younger than me, obsessed with drugs which really bothers me, rude, antisocial, "meh" looking, skinny, not religious, does not cook, makes me feel used sometimes, offends me a lot, doesn't like soccer, likes video games too much, likes anime, likes weird music, we don't have much in common . . . "
Why in god's name would you hook up with such a loser? Something is wrong with you that you gravitate towards a boy/man with so many problemss. Mothering issue? Rescuer? Masochist? Stupid?
Girl - look at YOUR role in this mess.
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