question about dating

Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 05:45 am
so this girl and i have been talking for several months and I've expressed interest in dating her she in me as well. We go to the same college and she has a ton of **** going on this summer ( not other guys i know for a fact ) so she wants to hold off till the start of the semester to date or so i thought and this is where is gets weird...

I know one of the reasons she didnt want to start yet was because she still has some feelings for a guy but she really wants him to be gone and out of her life that's coming from her and her best friend so i know its not bull ****. Recently she has been hinting towards me to ask her out ( originally she said she wouldn't be ready for another month or so) all of a sudden she really really wants to start dating and it doesn't make sense to me at all how can some girl go from not even really considering it to totally being ready.

here's my problem - i dont wanna be someone she likes sometimes but cant fully commit its just too weird but I dont wanna leave her either because i really like her and i know it would crush her like no tomorrow. She is just being so weird and refuses to talk about this and other emotionally related things which makes sense because if we are to start dating shouldn't we be honest and open? i mean that's how i was with all my past girlfriends.

we have sex - make out - and talk more like friends with benefits but god forbid when it comes to emotional topics and areas where dating couples truly connect she wont open up regardless of how comfortable i make her feel and i feel like i shouldn't date her if i cant help her and truly make her happy not do i wanna be locked into something awkward like this...

her friend keeps asking me to wait because she knows that the girl rally wants to date me and she wants me to be with her but i told her I'm not impatient I'm just concerned that if this is this complicated now where things should be relatively easy then i fear whats to come and dont seeing this lasting log however i dont give up either I'm a stubborn driven individual so I'm asking here for thoughts and advice on this weird awkward situation

Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 06:01 am
Job One: get the friend out of this equation. This is not the friend's business. Don't ask for advice, don't ask for confirmation, and for God's sake don't behave like a second grader and ask the friend to convey messages in either direction.

Job Two. Ask your potential paramour - you know, like when you're together, because you're FWBs - what's up with us? Are we a couple, or not? Are we dating, or not? Nothing about feelings; this is about definitions only.

Job Three. Vow to yourself to never, ever get involved in FWB again, because it's exceedingly rare that both persons are on the same page. FWB is generally just a way for people to do the horizontal tango while rushing headlong into really hurting one or both parties, and without the annoying baggage of dates, meeting friends or family, spending money, putting on makeup, shaving, or otherwise making an effort or treating it as anything other than Rent-a-Set-of-Genitals-That-Aren't-Your-Own. FWB, inevitably, is usually one person la di da enjoying FWB while the other one is moping around and wishing and hoping that it would somehow magically turn into more. If I was only more available. If I could only play hard to get on occasion. If I were only more mature. If I were only younger. If I could bring myself to sexually experiment. If I could only put the brakes on the screwing and insist on a real relationship.

If if if.

It's magical thinking, is what it is.

Stay out of FWBs. They mess with most people's heads something fierce.
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bobsal u1553115
Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 07:03 am
"So ........ "
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Reply Tue 10 Jun, 2014 06:03 pm
I'm just concerned that if this is this complicated now where things should be relatively easy then i fear whats to come and dont seeing this lasting log

My guess is her friends told her what you said above. She's enjoying the non committal but also the intimacy and doesn't want to be on her own.

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