having sex with my husband and my lover

Since it's not hurting him, why not invite your husband to your next adventure with your couch-surfing pal?

A fine case of self-deception is going on here. You already know the answers to your question...you simply don't want to acknowledge what you already know. You want others to tell you, so you can go 'I didn't see it coming' or 'wow, I must have been so weak' or some such nonsense.

'wow, you can fall in love with a guy if you constantly have sex with him???'

Couch surfing?

Yeah, what the hell is couch surfing? I thought thats what young people did to avoid paying rent. They just take advantage of friends and sleep on the couch until the friend gets fed up and throws the moocher out.

It's probably an adaptation of that - but for a guy that goes around shagging 'different women on different couches' or 'other mens wives on different couches'

No, it's not.
https://www.couchsurfing.org/

It's a means of providing cheap accommodations for travelers.

Nothing screams safety life "share your life with a stranger". I think I prefer to book hotels.

Oh, think of it as a hostel - with benefits.

A way to find a bed when traveling. A lot of legitimate travel help has happened through them, some key travel reporters using it on occasions, last I used to read , Seth Kugel of the NYT, and their travel posters who comment. Sort of a let's help each other site; I read it for a while, maybe five years ago, often, pre paywall. As a woman with long-going vision problems, I can be vulnerable and so would be wary of it, but most of what I read back then was good. In my travel ventures, I was very good at cheap interesting places chosen with care (is there a light at the street and anywhere near the door..). There's a world of people like I was out there.

Far as I knew when I read about it, it wasn't a bunch of hostels with benefits.

couchsurfing and airbnb seems to be the only way people under about 35 travel these days

a dance friend just spent 6 weeks in Paris through a combo of the two

I might be able to see the appeal if I was sure there was a decent mattress.

It´s seems to me that everyone seems more interested in the couch surfing subject, while theres a situation here.

Personally i think a solid relationship requires trust intimacy and commitment. And it seems to me that you have the 3 of them completely shattered.

I don´t know if you have children, but i guess you don´t since it´s something important and you ommited. You seem to have lost complete connection with your husband. In his situation i will like to know. And then decide while i should do with you.

You don´t love him anymore, you broke his trust to the point of having sex with an stranger an then you started having feelings for that stranger. That is a real teenager behavior, don´t you know that during intercourse our brains produce substances that not only mediate the pleasure feeling but also helps create a bond with the person you are f*cking. That´s a basic evolutionary solution to guarantee that the offspring that comes after that intercourse will have two parents and not only one to take care of him when it is born.

This was going to happen. And maybe thats why you have now no connection with your husband. So you broke intimacy and commitment also.

Get your self together, try to found something that is called empathy inside yourself, act like an adult, put yourself on your husband´s shoes and think for a moment: how will i feel if the situation was exactly the other way? (i mean he is cheating and having feelings for her new lover).

That is - sadly - because we are actually more interested. Most of us posters on all this have read hundreds of posts on love failure and find ourselves, while still interested, trying helping over and over and over, becoming overcome by ennui.

Jespah gave the best possible answer right off, so it's time to move on to something more interesting.

Get back to me on your two hundredth post.

Gracie - you don't say how old you are, but you had the 7 year itch in your marriage - and decided to go with your impulse.

But when people are MARRIED, they keep impulses down and put them in their place (non action) You are going to be sexually attracted to many men during your lifetime. Are you going to ACT on all of them?? Then, get out of your marriage.

You sound like you have no intention of letting this guy go - so set your husband free to find another love.

Here is a real POV.....Actually echoing the same sentiment's as PUNKEY

YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR HUSBAND or in the classical sense, you aren't in love with your husband. You may love him as far as the feelings you have shared (I use have in the past tense) but you are in essence cheating on him and you are not only deceiving him, you are deceiving yourself. Not to mention you are putting yourself at risk for contracting diseases and if you ever have sexual intercourse with your legal husband, you may risk passing it on to him which make your deception all the more worse.

Like my mother used to say you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Either divorce and be with this man, or break your affair off. Doesn't matter what anyone says here you cannot truly love someone and deceive them at the same time. It is not fair to your legal husband, and it is not fair to your true feelings for this other guy.

I'm trying to imagine that, however I'm still thinking of it more as catching a ride while hitch hiking. Sort of a fingers crossed adventure.

As far as the OP is concerned, I'm embarrassed to say, I don't care.

One other thing, he/she became a member on 27 May, hasn't been back, I suspect another fake attempting to draw folks into fictional situations that don't exist.

Threesome? Bisexual built for two.