In love with my married friend

What to do? Leave your loveless, sexless marriage. Don't give us (and yourself) bullshit that you have to stay together for the sake of the kids or whatever. Your kids know - even if you haven't breathed a word to them - they know something is up. And all you are teaching them by staying is that love doesn't matter, and being happy isn't worth the effort.

And if they catch you - definitely not outside the realm of possibility - then you are teaching them that lying and cheating are preferable to owning up to your problems and dealing with them.

Divorce is not cheap, and neither is the post-divorce world. Even amicable divorces can force a pretty radical change in financial circumstances. But you'd be honest and upright, and would be able to hold your head high. It would be infinitely kinder to your husband, who you certainly loved at one time or another.

Is this too daunting all at once? Then get some damned counseling. Explore why this is so attractive to you, and why you're getting a thrill from risking so much. Talk to an objective professional about at least trying one last time to make your marriage work - which really would be for the sake of your children. Pull back and clear your head. A lot of people get addicted to the drama and the sex and they fail to see the forest for the trees.

Thanks for your reply jespah
I know bringing kids up in an unhappy marriage is wrong. I have told my husband and vice versa that I know longer love him I have asked him to leave and go to counciling niether of which he will agree to. I said I would go he threatened that if I took our son he would make sure my son knew it was me that broke our family up and would make sure he hated me for it. I know I sound pathetic I have no one to turn to only my friend.

So what if your son knows that daddy and mommy aren't married because it was better that they were apart? Kids understand this.

Most likely you will have custody. This child will handle this as well as you do.

You need to resolve this marriage BEFORE you start up anything else. It sounds like that's going to take a lot of strength in itself. Divorce is very stressful to go through.

You are lonely and vulnerable. That's why you are attracted to this man. You may feel different when you are single.

Well, you can still go to counseling alone, yes? And Punkey's right (g'morning, Punkey); your son can hear this and the world won't necessarily crumble.

In the meantime, this stalemate cannot stand.

PS Are your parents still alive? Do you have siblings? A spiritual counselor? Any of these will do in a pinch if counseling doesn't work out or if your husband ratchets up the agita. You can also vent online (here, even, or elsewhere, if you prefer). A big part of what's making this other man so attractive to you is that he's it. If he wasn't your only go-to, you might think differently.

Leave your husband, get a divorce. Whatever.

But you want to bet that loverboy decides not to leave his wife? He may claim to be in a loveless marriage, but the reality may well be a different story. So think long and hard before you decide what to do. If you decide to end your marriage, do it for yourself, not for loverboy.

I know what I,m doing is wrong I came on here for advise not to be slaughterd.....you can't help who you fall for I never thought I would fall for a married man or be in the marriage I am in

I don't really care why you came on here. Once you do, you are going to get advice and opinions that you don't like or don't want to read. That said, I don't see where anyone has slaughtered you on here. Certainly I did not. I think I gave you advice. If you are in a loveless marriage, get a divorce. But do so for yourself, not because you think you have a future with some other guy who happens to be married to someone else.

I won't argue this point. BUT, you can control how you behave. Just because you find yourself attracted to someone does not mean you should act out that attraction, especially if both you and the other party are married. You know what you are doing is wrong, yet you continue.

So what? I was once attracted to a married woman. But I was smart enough not to act on that attraction because it was wrong. In other words, I was in control of my emotions and stayed away from her. Are you really trying to claim that you have no control over your emotions and your actions?

Again, if you find yourself in a loveless marriage, get out. Then find an unattached guy and have fun if that is what you want. People sadly end marriages all the time for the smallest of reasons, so do it.

Ive never been married and sometimes its hard for people to give opinions when they havent been in a particular situation themselves. I also can see why it would be hard to leave and its easier for someone not involved or never een in this position to say leave or get a divorce. Ive had a few friends that have confided in me with similar situations. Ive had also had relations with a married women on and off for a few years in the recent past that i wish i never did. Based on these experiences i will leave some feedback. I have found that most of the time people become more accustomed to been around someone and even though they arent in love or havent been for a while they wont leave. Most of the time its the standard im staying for the kids or its "cheaper to keep them". I have been a strong proponent against loveless relationships, or staying with someone because the parties involved are accustomed (or any of myriad reasons) to been around each other. Although there ups and downs in all relationship 2 years is a long time. Your husband for whatever reason ( going on a limb to say its cheaper to keep them) though wont likely agree to a divorce. Based on that you will have to take the initiative. Do it more so for yourself other than exploring a possible relation with this other man. For all you know his supposedly sexless marriage might be more of a facade (ive heard and seen this line deployed plenty of times) so youll be more at ease been intimate with him. Is he going to get a divorce as well? Something tells me he isnt/wont.

If two people are un-happy of the opposite sex, they talk about it and in depth, next thing you know there are common grounds. Discussions go back and forth of un-happiness, next thing you know there is a "sexual" spark, yet there is always one, (one) that will not leave his/her significant other half for what ever reason.

It's an escape from reality.

Where as reality is simple. You've received the advice and you know it to be true, if you can not work your marriage, can not seek counselling together to work the marriage can not get anywhere yet you've tried and tried and tried, then you walk.

What you experienced with the married man you can experience with a single man only better, you get to sleep next to him at night time, wake up in the morning go on dates.

If someone doesn't have adventure and that's what sleeping with someone you can't have is, you don't need to go on that adventure to make yourself happy because whilst you are doing that, someone else is un-happy imagine her thoughts when she finds out and she will.

Just walk. From both. Start your life over.