Wed 21 May, 2014 10:53 am
Please help, I´m so confused…
This happened recently.
Me (17) and my friend (14) were in the city and a skinny, tall, strange guy made a come here motion to my friend. (She was wearing makeup and she looked so pretty and I had just been to the gym and I had no makeup what so ever.)
His appearance scared me since he was so skinny and I honestly thought he looked like a drug addict. I told her to stay away but she wanted to talk to him.
But it turned out that he was a quite known Romanian MJ-imitator who dances in Stockholm, where we live. We had seen him many times before but we did not recognize him at first.
He started talking to us, mostly her, asking about her number and Facebook. He said he wanted to take her to the movies and take her to dinner. But she was scared so she did not say anything. Then he asked about her age and when he found out she was 14 he kind of pulled back and said “Oh I’m 25 so you are too young for me”.
Then he left.
Next week I went back there to meet that same friend. I arrived somewhat early so I had to wait for her.
That guy was there that day and I stopped to watch him dance. My fear from last week was gone somehow.
He was dancing to MJ´s song “Dangerous” and he was watching me while he danced and started to sing along while constantly looking at me.
Of course I thought to myself “Oh he remembers me from last week!” so I go up and talk to him after his dancing.
So we start talking and I tell him that I was there last week with my friend and all that.
He then started to remember me. I said my friend was on her way and that she wanted to see him again. (Which was true) He said he would be there and that he of course wanted to talk to us.
He was incredibly charming by the way!
My friend arrives and he sees us and tells us to come here. He is talking to some of his friends and they see us and start flirting. They tell us they are 19 but they look much older, so when they left I asked him how old they really were. He said “They are actually 27 and they lied to you because they wanted to lure you into their trap” with a smile on his face.
His friends leave and we 3 are left there, me, him and my friend.
THEN he started flirting with me out of nowhere. He asked if I had boyfriend and he asked me if I was a good kisser. He wanted my number and my friend gave it to him…
I reminded him that he flirted with my friend last time but he said “Yeah but I actually saw you first! I was watching you the whole time! “ Yeah right…
Oh, this time he told me he was 22.
He started asking me what kind of girl I was and what kind of guy I wanted. My friend told him everything about me, about my personality and what type of relationships I like.
He then claimed that he was the perfect guy for me and that he was a good guy who wants a serious relationship. He said “I am not one of those guys who will compliment you on your looks. I want to get to know YOU.”
“I am not one of those guys who talks like a gangster. I am not a gangster!” (I did not ask?)
And he claimed that he earned 90 000 crowns a month by dancing on the streets.
Afterwards he changed his story and told me he also works part time at Pizza Hut.
He wanted to take pics with me because he “wanted to remember me” and he said he could learn me how to kiss and a lot of other things…
Then he wanted to go eat dinner with me. I was not hungry but he insisted. He wanted to pay for my dinner so bad!
He told me would by me a diamond ring.
At the dinner table he was CONSTANTLY telling me how beautiful I was and how sexy I looked with makeup. (Which was contradicting to what he had told me before?)
He could come up to people and ask them “Oh look at her, isn´t she beautiful?” and point at me. He started talking about how smart I was, how nice I was, how pretty I was.
He did not even know me. We had only been hanging out for 2 hours. He gave me soooo many compliments that I was overwhelmed!!!
That night he called me and said that he missed me and he wanted me to come home to him. He said he wanted to watch movies at his place and cuddle with me.
The next day he called again and he wanted to hang out.
Me and my friend went back to see him and he started flirting with her and my other friend who happened to be there too. He told them he liked them and looked at me and grinned.
My friend was creeped out and I remember her telling him that he should be careful with his actions towards me.
Anyway, we hung out with him for many hours. Then suddenly he said that he wants to get changed and that he wants us to follow him home. He really insisted. But we said no and he kept saying “Please please”. He told us it would take 15 minutes, he only wanted to shower, but he ends up being gone for almost 2 hours. When he arrived he told us that he went to a restaurant and that is why it took so long…
He grabs me and pulls me closer and says that he wants to take a walk with his “girlfriend”, as he called me.
And at THAT moment my friend’s dad walks by!!! He sees us and the MJ-guy walks away and hides in a candy shop.
We try to explain to her dad that he is a cool guy ( Even though he OBVIOUSLY was not normal, something inside me started to kind of like him a little bit).
But her dad told us that the guy was bad for me and that I should not be seeing him.
I ran into the candy shop just to say goodbye. I told him that I had to go but he wanted me to stay. He said that I was safe with him. I go to hug him and he suddenly says “When will you let me kiss your lips?” in a super romantic way ( Even though it seemed a bit off and kind of fake since he only had known me for not even 2 days)
I end up leaving with my friend and her dad and the next day he calls me again. We meet and this is when he starts acting really weird.
He ignored me for a while and only talked to my friend. He said that he liked her and started asking questions about her… I remember him suddenly asking me “Can you do me a favour? Will you buy me an iPhone 5 for my birthday?” And the weird thing is that he already had 3 phones?
Some Romanian gypsies walked by and he started swearing at them and he told me that he hated them because they did nothing to earn money, “At least I dance” he told me.
But it turns out that they work together! I have seen him talking with them and they share the money they make…
A police car drove by and he said “I hate those fricking cops. They are always watching me but I have not done anything!” Without me asking…
Then he started ignoring me again. I asked him over and over again if I had done something and he gave me different answers.
“I am sad because you won´t sleep with me”
“I don’t like your friend. She has an attitude and you should not be with her”
“Yeah, I am mad but I won´t tell you why because you don’t need to know!”
“Omg, I was joking all the time. I only want to be your friend. Don´t you understand!?”
He then leaves us and goes to talk to a Spanish friend of his who happens to walk by. They move 15 feet away.
My friend is Spanish too and she goes up to talk to him and the other guy tells my friend in Spanish “ He is not serious about wanting a relationship with your friend. I told him that he should stay away from girls because he has been in trouble before” ( Don’t know what kind of trouble…)
Suddenly another guy comes up to me and starts talking to me. The MJ-guy sees it.
The other guy started asking for my number.
I decided to go home because I was so tired and confused by his actions.
On my way home he sends me a text. “You are too young for me. I don´t wanna see you anymore. Why can´t you just understand? Delete my number; I don’t wanna see you again.”
One hour later he called me. He started talking about the weather in Germany (?) and how much he hated Swedish people because they “are not as smart as Greek people” ( I am Greek)
Then he asks me “Oh that guy you were talking to. Who is he? How old is he?”
(I told him he was 25)
He then tells me “No, he is too old for you! He is lying about his age. He only wants to use you. Don´t trust him. He is not good. Oh and by the way, you can come home to me some day and we can watch a movie. I will buy you lots of candy.”
The next day he calls me after school and he wants to borrow 60 dollars. I ask him what for and he refuses to answer. He starts yelling, he says he needs the money now and that I don’t have to stay with him, “Just give me the money and you can leave” and then hangs up on me. I call him again and he tells me that I don’t trust him and that he needs the money for his sick brother (He told me he had a sister before) and says “Just give me the ******* money or delete my number and don’t you dare contact me again, I don’t wanna see you. Bye “
I was scared as hell so I told my mum EVERYTHING and she helped me change my number.
I thought about this all the time, I was super sad. I was so confused. It was like he had 2 personalities and I didn’t know which one was the true him.
He was so sweet and charming at first and now… what?
So, one day I go back to talk to him. I tell him how sorry I am ( I KNOW IT WAS STUPID, NO NEED TO TELL ME… )
He told me that he was mad at his brother and he was not mad at me. He told me that he respected me and he wanted to call me but that it won’t work out between me and him.
THEN I DON’T HOW … BUT MY MUM SHOWS UP.
She starts yelling at him. “How dare you try to lure home young girls and try to take their money, shame on you? That is cowardly! You are a grown man. Grow up! What are you doing!?”
And he looks at me and goes “DID I TRY TO TAKE YOU HOME? HAVE I ASKED FOR MONEY? YOUR DAUGHTER IS THE ONE WHO STALKED ME. I TOLD HER FROM THE BEGINNING TO STAY AWAY. SHE CAME AFTER ME. I ALDREADY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.”
I don’t know, this was 6 weeks ago and I still can’t function.
I feel like mum was too harsh on him. I don’t really understand why she was so mad…
I feel like it is all my fault and I feel sorry for him…
Most people think that he wanted to use me in some way but I don’t know…
I have read an article that someone wrote about him. He is accused of stealing and some people think he is involved in some kind of illegal stuff (drugs and so on)
PLEASE HELP! I would appreciate it very much!
Your friend's an idiot for giving this creep your phone number. And you'll be one, too, if you continue to hang out with him.
He's a liar who wants to get you, her, or both of you into the sack. Period. Oh and while you're at it, buy him a new iPhone5. Because he probably hasn't paid the bills on the other three phones he's got. Which he probably got from other teenaged girls.
Probably a good 90% of what he's told you has either been lies or just calculated to get into your pants. Delete his contact info, block him, and find someplace else to hang out with, particularly for two hours (what were you thinking? Sheesh, have you nothing better to do with your time, than to wait for someone who likely was spending those two hours romancing - and quite possibly ******* - someone else?).
Yeah, you are probably right... Thanks so much for your opinion! It´s just that... I dont know if he really deserved to be yelled at ...
More likely, he deserved to be worked over with a baseball bat.
Haha, well, my mom was super close to doing that
Maybe I´m blind, but I don´t really see the big issue that my mom sees
You need some safety lessons so you can better know how to protect your privacy and not put yourself in such vulnerable situations. You were really lucky with this one. Thousands of young girls are not so lucky.
Please, please look for and go to some self defense classes to raise your awareness and lessen your vulnerability.
Meanwhile, please take the time to review the info at these links and watch the videos.
I'm highlighting this excerpt for you.
6. Predict Dangerous and Controlling Behavior
Realize that 99.9% of people have no intent of harming you; the rare few who do want to harm you will give clear signals. Most attackers don’t begin with brutal force. They begin by coaxing a woman into a secluded area and forcing her to relinquish her control.
In his book The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker calls these signals Pre-Incident Indicators (P.I.N.S.). According to the book, not only will your instincts help you avoid dangerous situations, but you can also determine someone’s intent by knowing what to look for.
These are the P.I.N.S. to look for, and examples of each. In the scenario, a woman is faced with a strange man in her apartment building.
Forced Teaming — When someone tries to pretend he has something in common or is in the same predicament as you when it isn’t true. (“Let me help you with those bags of groceries. We don’t want that ice cream to melt.”)
Charm – Being polite and nice to manipulate someone. (“I can’t let you carry all these bags by yourself. Let me help you get them inside.”)
Too Many Details – If someone is lying they add excessive details to make them seem more credible. (“I’m going to your floor anyway. I’m meeting a friend, but I’m running late – my watch stopped working. So, we need to hurry. Come on. We have a hungry cat waiting for this cat food.”)
Typecasting – An insult to get you to talk to someone you otherwise wouldn’t. (“There is such a thing as being too proud. Now stop being silly and hand me another bag.”)
Loan Sharking – Giving unsolicited help and expecting favors in return. (“I’ve carried your groceries up four flights of stairs; just let me put them on the counter.”)
Unsolicited Promise — A promise to do (or not to do) something when no such promise was asked for; this usually means the promise will be broken. (“You can leave the door open, I’ll leave as soon as I put the bags down, I promise.”)
Discounting the word “no” — Refusing to accept rejection.
During the entire grocery bag incident the woman repeatedly told the strange man that she didn’t want his help, but he ignored every “no”. She gave him control of the situation and was raped for three hours. The full story can be found in book, The Gift of Fear. The book also emphasizes that “no” is a complete sentence and requires no further explanation.