Passion minimum

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I've been in a relationship for 3 years now and I have an issue. I thought I would ask advice to other people out there to see what they would do in my shoes.

Everything is almost perfect. Shes a really wonderful woman in most ways. The problem is very little passion. I'm talking about that feeling when you touch someone and you get shivers. Its hard to NOT have sex or to NOT cuddle up. You have to fight, NOT to be affectionate. Well for her its the opposite. She feels very little in that department and pretty much fakes it for my sake. Its very apparent when she forces her self to be lovie and she could go with out sex no problem so when we do it, its pretty much for my benefit. That feeling is very strange to me because I've always been with woman who throw them self's at me. Very passion fill relationship where we have sex and kiss all the time.

Now I realize passion fades in relationships. But its been like this in the beginning and I've experienced others relationships that lasted 2 years and it was still had plenty. So what do you think?

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@LiquidT,

So why, pray tell, did you stay in that relationship? Why not let her go and then find one of those many women who will throw themselves at you?

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@LiquidT,

Have you talked with her about it? has she ever felt passion in any sexual relationship?

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@ehBeth,

@ehBeth and @Ragman
I stay with her because she is the only woman I've been with that is like a best friend. I can spend every single day with her playing video games, talking about life, or teasing eachother. I never get bored of her personality.

Yes I have talked with her. Shes says theres something physiologically wrong with her and shes working on it. Shes got a lot of medical issues and problems but shes not one of those crazy girls that make it up. She DID have cancer which is in remission. The short answer is yes I've talked to her and talked about options. Not many has come up.

I should also note I suggested an open relationship but she seems to think it would all fall apart if that happened. On my end, I know for a fact shes who I want to be with but I just want some freakin passion. Not just sex but PASSION.

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Quote:

LiquidT said: I just want some freakin passion. Not just sex but PASSION.

I had a ladyfriend some years ago who used to just lay there in bed like a corpse, hardly moving or making a sound. It was like trying to love a sack of potatoes, boy was she soon out on her butt!

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@LiquidT,

Do you think she would be willing to have you go to the doc with her to discuss this?

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@LiquidT,

There are definitely medical issues that can kill passion. Perimenopause is one, and that can happen earlier than you might think (as in age 30 or so). Could be other things, too.

Not saying it's definitely a physical thing, but it can't hurt to rule that out. Plus it would get the conversation started - do it in a nonconfrontational manner. This is not - you're broken and we're going to fix you! And it isn't - you're wrong and I'm right and I'm going to make you see things my way! Rather, it's - let's see what's going on here.

If there is absolutely nothing physically wrong then that may be discouraging but at least it rules the physical out. Then it should probably be time to talk to a counselor. And not just her. Like I said, don't frame this as her being horribly at fault. Go, too. And if she won't go, then go alone, at least as a means of coping and venting and even asking if there are suggestions for solutions. But I'd go the medical doctor route first, and start the conversation.

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@jespah,

Hmm. I've mentioned this only a few times before at a2k since it's more personal than usual, that I had a spell of absolutely no libido once. It was directly after I took a shot to close down my estrogen before a fibroid surgery. The surgery was a breeze but I felt very strange for weeks after, so much not me, sexually. It turned out that the shot also shut down testosterone (women have some, just like men have some estrogen, and both need those amounts). My estrogen had come right on back, but the testosterone needed a kick.

The doc put me on birth control pills that had a tad of testosterone in them, and I perked right up. After we/I stopped that new pill, I still remained my normal old self.

Not knowing her earlier problems (not our business), I can't guess if this is related, but it might be.

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Or, since she seems to be ok with with satisfying your needs for the overall sake of the relationship, accept her for who she is, lower libido than yours and all.

She seems to have accepted you, even though you have a higher sex drive.

You may find yourself having more pleasure while having sex with her when you stop worry about what's "wrong" with her. At the same time, she may stop feeling any pressure to act a particular way, and just be herself.

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I fail to see the point of being in a passionless relationship. Keep her as a friend and go find a mate.

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So you've found a woman whose your best friend but lacks zing? Have you any idea how many men would give their big toes for such a find? Or, just wait til you're both 85

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If a woman can't feel passion, maybe it's the mans fault for being a lousy lover?
So in fairness to 'June the corpse' who i menrioned earlier, maybe I could have done better in that respect.
She once told me she liked Sean Connery, so maybe I should have put on a Scotch accent and whispered things in her ear to turn her on like- "Miss Moneypenny you're gorgeous...you shake and stir me..."..
and after a night of lovemaking- "You've had your six.."

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@LiquidT,

Hmm all good advice. Still not to sure what I'm going to do. But thx all.

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guin 233 wrote:

FAKE IMPOSTER.

Wouldn't that make him real?

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Passion minimum

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