2
   

Friends or more?

 
 
Jashuuu
 
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 02:55 am
I hope someone here could help me. I went on a date with a guy..well, it was a date as he said let’s meet up however neither of us used the word “date”. I have a bit of crush on this guy and we used to text a lot – from that I also started to like him as a person and really interested in getting to know him better. I really thought he was interested as he did ask to go out for dinner in the evening while walking me home from our date. But as I had been so stressed with nerves already and felt like I wanted to take things a bit slow plus also not hungry at all due to all the nerves I said something like no thank you as I am not hungry…His offer to have dinner seemed to me as he was interested. Anyway, when it was time to separate it was kind of abrupt/rushed as I just said a quick bye and nearly ran away from him. I am a very shy person and anything like kissing on the first date is a bit too much for me – hence why I ran away. I did text him though same eve to tell him thanks for the great time and that it was good to meet up with him ect to which he didn’t really comment. He didn’t write to me after that at all… He then told both my friend and to myself that he did like talking to me and would like to meet me again in the future but only as a friend. He asked several times if I was interested in meeting him as a friend. I am of course happy to remain in touch with him but have to admit why he wasn’t interested in any more dates by clearly telling he only wants to be friends. I am really confused as he did come across really interested, especially offering the dinner at the end of our date while walking home..He comes across like a very shy guy too e.g. he is chatty in the text messages but whenever we speak on the phone he goes very quiet. I will be the one asking questions to keep the conversation going. Also during the date, he did talk but he seemed shy/nervous. There was lot of eye contact from his side. To be honest, it was me who was too shy to maintain the eye-contact and kept looking away. I have a feeling that he also likes me and wants more but that we both were so nervous and shy and perhaps gave each other the impression that we were not interested in a 2nd date? Any idea on how I could fix this?? I obviously don't want to chase the poor guy and just trying to remain a good friend but truth is I do see him more than a friend! Please advice/help. Thanks in advance Smile
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 05:41 am
@Jashuuu,
Every signal he has gotten from you has shown a lack of interest. You turn away, you run from him, you refuse his offer of dinner. So he's determined that you only want him to be your friend.

If you want him to be more, you need to get over your shyness and TELL HIM.

Say something like, "I would like to see you again, on a real date, all right? I'm sorry about the other night. I was nervous. I am very interested in you and I hope I haven't blown it."
Jashuuu
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 05:52 am
@jespah,
Thank you so much Jespah Smile I did think of that one too as I prefer honesty/straight-talking. But then again, what is stopping me from saying it like you have suggested is that I am concerned that the moment I see it as a real date I would just get shy and nervous whereas if we meet like friends in a more casual setting than a date-setting it would allow me to be myself (relaxed, confident, talkative ect)...hopefully that could allow him to see the real me? Wouldn't that be better than suggesting a second date and then I ruin it again and it might end with him not even wanting to be friends with me?? For now, he has at least told me several times that he really does like my company and would like to meet me again in the future but he never fails to highlight "as friends". Reading my original post, what is your impression? Do you think he truly only sees me as a friend or that I might have any chance to develop it into the next stage?
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 06:05 am
@Jashuuu,
If you keep pushing the friends angle, then that is your message to him - that you are only friends. If you want more, you need to work on your shyness and specifically and clearly ask for what you want.

The truth is that most people have no idea what the other person means. Intention is hard to determine, even when you know the person really well and are in person. But words are precise.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say. And you need to work on your shyness. You are not going to get what you want by allowing it to dictate your life, your behavior and your language.
Jashuuu
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 06:06 am
@jespah,
You are right, thank you Smile Aghhh wish I wasn't so shy!! Grrr... but yes, I will certainly look into what I can do Smile Thank you once again
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 06:54 am
Or you could just send him a link to this thread...and tell him it was you asking the question!!
Jashuuu
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 06:57 am
@Frank Apisa,
Haha think I would give it a pass Wink
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 07:34 am
@Jashuuu,
You'll be fine! Visualize what you want. This is the pathway. You can do it! Smile
Jashuuu
 
  2  
Reply Fri 9 May, 2014 03:02 pm
@jespah,
Aww Jespah, thank you so much Smile After reading your comment I took up the courage and texted him. Didn't mention the date though but just asked if he would like to meet this week and he said yes Smile I am so excited!! Fingers crossed , it would go better this time. I am doing the visualisation Very Happy Thank you so much for your encouragement, time and suggestions. Much appreciated Smile
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 10 May, 2014 08:30 am
@Jashuuu,
Oh, yay! Smile
Jashuuu
 
  2  
Reply Sun 11 May, 2014 03:28 pm
@jespah,
We'll be meeting this week!! Very Happy Fingers crossed, it will all go well Smile Will keep you updated..please pray for me/send me positive vibes/cross fingers for me Smile
0 Replies
 
Jashuuu
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 May, 2014 05:39 am
@Jashuuu,
Any suggestions/ideas on how I don't blow it this time please? Neither of us drink alcohol so that can't be used as a way of calming the nerves down;)
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Tue 13 May, 2014 07:13 am
@Jashuuu,
Go for a run or at least a brisk walk an hour before (then shower and change of course). Maybe lay off caffeine an hour or two before, too.

Take deep breaths and think happy thoughts.

Showing up is at least 60% of life. You've got an appointment (and presumably you'll both show). So you're over halfway there already! Smile
Jashuuu
 
  2  
Reply Tue 13 May, 2014 08:35 am
@jespah,
Awww Jespah, thank you so much! Sending much love your way!! Smile Will keep you updated how it goes. I have a feeling that it will go well this time Smile
Jashuuu
 
  3  
Reply Sun 18 May, 2014 04:21 pm
@Jashuuu,
Hi Jespah,

Hope you are well and had a nice weekend Smile

Just writing to update you that it went realllyyy well last time and we have talked about meeting again soon Smile
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 18 May, 2014 06:36 pm
@Jashuuu,
Fantastic! And I did, thanks. Smile
Jashuuu
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 May, 2014 06:48 am
@jespah,
Thank you Smile We had been texting that eve after meeting up but then again haven't heard from him ever since that evening. I don't have the attitude where I believe that guys should be the one to contact first. I always see every relationship as 50-50 input from both sides so I don't mind at all contacting first. But I haven't contacted him this time as it has been me who had contacted him first ALL previous times since the first date. So, I am just doing my best to not contact him first this time although I do miss him! Really strange he isn't contacting me because the moment I write to him he would reply straight away and he has already said he likes to meet up again soon...so I am very confused about why he isn't contacting at all. Five days now! Sad I hope it is not a bad sign Sad
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » Friends or more?
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 05/05/2024 at 06:56:36