@oristarA,
I can't really comment on the merits of artistic verse, or any attempt at such. I can only say what works for me, and what doesn't.
This doesn't.
However grammatically, the bit on the end "So for what
You hesitate? " has to be "So for what do you hesitate?", if you want to change the original "So for what are you hesitating?" (which is grammatically okay).
examples:
Why do you hesitate?
Why are you hesitating?
What are you hesitating for?
For what are you hesitating?