6
   

I have a secret crush on my best friend but my feelings for him is more than just that

 
 
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2014 06:31 pm
I have a secret crush on my best friend but my feelings for him is more than just that. It has been 8 months since I had a crush on him and no one in this world not even he knows that I had a crush on him until now. It all started on my 2nd or 3rd week of college that his get-up caught my attention but since I was so serious on how to fit in to this new environment I never tried to notice him. On the other hand he seems not to care about my existence (since I’m new and look a lot nerdy) and didn’t even bother giving me a hand when I carried my heavy stuff for our pictorial project during the prelims. But all changed when he started borrowing my notes during the midterms. This was the moment I got to know him as we began talking to each other for the 1st time. I realized that he was quite an interesting guy we had a lot in common and share the same interests. I got to observe his smile and charm and how his views in life and laidback style contradicts his emo rocker outfit. We’re both artists and musicians. And when he smiled suddenly I realized that he was attractive, and when we departed ways that was the moment I was madly infatuated with him. We do not always hang out since he’s not the type of guy who religiously attends class he comes and goes as he pleases due to his hectic schedule (he works part-time as a photographer and drummer in a rock band) but when we meet each other he talks to me not minding the other girls in our class. Though he’s been good friends with my female close friend but when we’re alone together he talks to me a lot and during the 2nd semester when my close friend stopped going to school I'm the only girl he talks to. We go home together, if I won’t go home yet he won’t go home either and would hangout with me until I decide to go home, except when it’s an emergency. I noticed he is quite a gentleman, he accompanies me home even before leaving for appointment and holds my shoulder when he senses danger and shifts me to a different position, telling me that I’m safer here. When he texts me he always ends with a “Good morning (afternoon/evening). Hope you had you’re breakfast(lunch/dinner)”. Sometimes he would call me ‘dear’ in his texts like, “You name the place Dear, I’ll try to adjust Smile” and would add emoticons. But what confuses (and bothers) me is when I respond to his texts (like a simple good morning, a thank you or a you can do it) that doesn’t concern something important he won’t respond. And most of the time he doesn’t respond to my texts unless it is important or if it is a question. But it’s interesting and surprising that he replied to my text when I shared my problems to him his response was, “You can tell me and it won’t leak, I promise you this” and he did gave me good advice. Also when he sees me he approaches and talks to me, he even offered to help me in my project and shared me a yummy snack. So what worries me is when I’m with him my feelings for him intensifies the longer we hangout together. I was starting to question whether I’m in love with him or not, I was thinking that it was mere infatuation but it has been 8 months already and when he’s not present I always yearn to see him. He is the reason why I changed my entire appearance, I learned to dress-up, fix my hair and put light make-up and started working out. My friends noticed my physical improvements but my bestfriend seems not to even notice. I feel so depressed about this. I think I’m in love with him just wanting more attention to him than just a mere friend. In the past I had never been crazy on a guy before and never experienced a crush becoming a best friend. Whenever I had a crush either I avoid that person and find any means to get rid of this feeling. So this is my first time and I’m not good when it comes to crushes and love, I’m more into books, art and videogames. I have no idea. The question I want to point out is, what is real his feelings for me? Since I have a crush on him and I am a geek with no experience in love my feelings for him tend to go overboard. My bestfriend may be nice but I feel that there is something behind his being gentlemanly. Maybe it just my imagination or maybe he might um well… I can’t tell. I hate making conclusions about love. In the end I feel stupid, realizing that this was all an infatuation and since I evaluate using logic than my feelings I always believed that he is just being a gentleman and there is nothing intimate with it. I keep saying this to myself so that I won’t feel bad. I try to forget him make myself busy with other things and hang out with new good friends. But every time I did my best to resist this stupid feelings whenever I meet him this feelings come back again and there goes the battle between my good judgment and my feelings. I never talked about intimate stuff to him, serious stuff regarding problems, families and people but not love. I’m not even sure if he’s in a relationship or has been in a relationship as I do not want to touch those issues knowing that he’s very secretive and I do not want to get hurt either, though when I checked his profile in Facebook he stated that his status is single and he doesn’t talk about having a girlfriend. I just want to know what is his feelings, he’s a very confusing character it’s very hard to read his thoughts. I do not plan to talk to him about this because I know for sure that it will destroy our friendship plus I find it so awkward to talk about this kind of topic.
Apologies to my long detailed question, above all things anything that concerns romance is above my abilities I can’t fathom nor find the right solutions to overcome this dilemma. I would really appreciate your advice and help. Thank you.

 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2014 06:37 pm
Try stalking him and sending him inappropriate gifts. Gets 'em every time.
0 Replies
 
Trollpatrol
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2014 06:42 pm
@darkmelancholia,
Sleep with him. See what happens next. That really is the only question.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2014 07:28 pm
If you spend all this time together and he has not made a "move" on you, then you are in the friend zone.

You need to find out if there is something there with him, since it seems all one-sided (your side).

Ask him out. Ask him to spend some private time together. Let him know that you'd like to see him socially. For goodness sake, find out if he is involved with anyone else! For all the time you have spent together, I am surprised you have never discussed each other's love life.

In other words, YOU are going to have to do the work here and push this to find out what you want to know.
darkmelancholia
 
  0  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2014 09:39 pm
@PUNKEY,
Thank you for your response. Very Happy

That was what I thought too primarily, since he is all being nice and gentlemanly yet he doesn't make a move on me. But then even though I know clearly well that we are just in the friend zone I'm always pestered by my strong feelings for him. I get that I'm experiencing this one-sided thing but I'm too afraid to talk about this with him since he's a bit secretive and I find it painful to feel rejected. The truth is I've never experienced love before and hadn't been in a relationship yet. So all in all this will be my first time if I plan not to ignore it forever and pursue it. What if he turns down this topic that I want to discuss with him? I feel very embarrassed in discussing this with him.

But then you're right I have to really work on this if I really want to know his real feelings for me, and on this part I have to be brave enough to accept the reality of his answer. I've overcome a lot of obstacles but romance is my weakness. However the other side of me tells me to keep this a secret forever and I'm suffering from it day by day. I never thought of being romantically involved since I care only about my studies but then here comes the time that I would have to experience this.

Thank you again for your advice. Smile
0 Replies
 
Buttermilk
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2014 10:48 pm
@darkmelancholia,
Wow, um can you put your post in paragraphs next time? It's easier to read.
0 Replies
 
anonymously99
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2014 10:55 pm
@darkmelancholia,
Let things stay as they are going. Easily let go of the feelings telling yourself it is all in your head. If he likes you like that then I'm sure he will let you know. If you're truly in love with him then you will be with him when he does so. If you're not in love by the time he lets you know(if by chance he feels anything toward you) then you won't be with him. Which honestly. I don't believe you're in love. You can't be with what you've mentioned. I believe you're obsessed. My advice is to as I've mentioned.
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darkmelancholia
 
  0  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 02:12 am
@anonymously99,
You have a point there, and I think you're correct. God I think I was just being crazy over a boy I can't believe how low I've become. Like I said before my feelings tend to go overboard because I have no experience but I think it's just crazy infatuation, that turned into an obsession and clouded my better judgment. I had a hard time distinguishing it.

Haha, true there's no love in it. Logic still rules over feelings. I think it's better to maintain balance. Better not let him know about it even if this intense feelings make me suffer. I think it would be best that things would just remain the same, that the secret will be a secret forever.

I wish I could overcome this crazy infatuation soon. It's bugging me to no end. XD
anonymously99
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 03:26 am
@darkmelancholia,
Quote:
You have a point there, and I think you're correct. God I think I was just being crazy over a boy I can't believe how low I've become.


Believing you had an infatuation. You believing you're low because of an infatuation.

Critical way of thinking. There's obviously feelings there. From both parties. Just not the same. Has a lot to do with maturity levels/beliefs/knowledge/understanding/and so forth. One party being more critical than the other party, especially one party having no desire to understand/believe/etc, can be clearly seen as to how immature they are. Take your and his situation. Say he's critical of you because you lack something that should meet his idea of perfection. Then he is the immature individual in this case. You don't deserve someone who will look down on you because you're not his idea of perfection. You deserve better. Don't be critical of yourself putting yourself down because of an infatuation you had. Infatuation. Obsession. There's nothing wrong with the fact. However. An individual should feel low of themself for refusing knowledge/the ability to understand/etc because it defines not only their immaturity but who they are at heart.
anonymously99
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 03:47 am
@darkmelancholia,
I secretly think you're a man.
anonymously99
 
  -4  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 04:01 am
@anonymously99,
Quote:
Let things stay as they are going. Easily let go of the feelings telling yourself it is all in your head. If he likes you like that then I'm sure he will let you know. If you're truly in love with him then you will be with him when he does so. If you're not in love by the time he lets you know(if by chance he feels anything toward you) then you won't be with him. Which honestly. I don't believe you're in love. You can't be with what you've mentioned. I believe you're obsessed. My advice is to as I've mentioned.


With as I mentioned, I was being nice, in a mature manner.

Honestly want my feelings?

This woman is simple minded. Has such a perfect life compared to mine. She does. Her mind works interestingly. No I'm not interested, she's a bit too young for me. I'm fond of maturity not airheads. No offense. She needs a sugar daddy who will give her anything and everything her heart desires. Because she deserves it.

Continue addressing me as low/trash/white trash/scum/the poop on your boot/a pos/etc similar. I beg you. ((Sarcastically speaking.))
0 Replies
 
darkmelancholia
 
  0  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 07:55 am
@anonymously99,
Quote:
I secretly think you're a man.


Haha. Very funny but why? Of course I'm a woman. I know you're joking but why do you think so?
anonymously99
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 08:05 am
@darkmelancholia,
There are these people who enjoy testing my patience.
0 Replies
 
darkmelancholia
 
  0  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 08:11 am
@anonymously99,
Quote:
There's obviously feelings there. From both parties. Just not the same. Has a lot to do with maturity levels/beliefs/knowledge/understanding/and so forth.


Hm. Behind my judgment I had this feeling that he does care for me, but only as a friend, somewhat similar to a brother caring for his little sister (though he is 2 years younger than I am but I look younger than him due to my height and childlike appearance and he looks more mature than his actual age). He does have 2 younger siblings with the youngest being a girl who he is overprotective with. Maybe he sees me that way and there is nothing romantic with it. Platonic I presume?

Quote:
Take your and his situation. Say he's critical of you because you lack something that should meet his idea of perfection. Then he is the immature individual in this case. You don't deserve someone who will look down on you because you're not his idea of perfection. You deserve better. Don't be critical of yourself putting yourself down because of an infatuation you had.


I'm not sure if he sees me as too old for his liking though girls his age and younger are unable to relate to him but being younger than I am he still tends to be immature and of course like most immature guys they prefer to be attracted to the physical appearance than the real heart of the woman.

So I think he may be my bestfriend but can never be more than just that. I always hear others say 'you deserve someone better', which can be a positive response but for me who never had the chance to be in a relationship it seems like a cycle and a bit hopeless reality though.

Well, thank you for your advice. I may sound a bit pessimistic but really I'm in desperate need for romantic help or advice. Smile Thanks again.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 08:11 am
@darkmelancholia,
breaking this into smaller blocks to try to read and make sense of the wall of text

darkmelancholia wrote:

I have a secret crush on my best friend but my feelings for him is more than just that.

It has been 8 months since I had a crush on him and no one in this world not even he knows that I had a crush on him until now. It all started on my 2nd or 3rd week of college that his get-up caught my attention but since I was so serious on how to fit in to this new environment I never tried to notice him.

On the other hand he seems not to care about my existence (since I’m new and look a lot nerdy) and didn’t even bother giving me a hand when I carried my heavy stuff for our pictorial project during the prelims. But all changed when he started borrowing my notes during the midterms. This was the moment I got to know him as we began talking to each other for the 1st time.

I realized that he was quite an interesting guy we had a lot in common and share the same interests. I got to observe his smile and charm and how his views in life and laidback style contradicts his emo rocker outfit. We’re both artists and musicians. And when he smiled suddenly I realized that he was attractive, and when we departed ways that was the moment I was madly infatuated with him.

We do not always hang out since he’s not the type of guy who religiously attends class he comes and goes as he pleases due to his hectic schedule (he works part-time as a photographer and drummer in a rock band) but when we meet each other he talks to me not minding the other girls in our class.

Though he’s been good friends with my female close friend but when we’re alone together he talks to me a lot and during the 2nd semester when my close friend stopped going to school I'm the only girl he talks to.

We go home together, if I won’t go home yet he won’t go home either and would hangout with me until I decide to go home, except when it’s an emergency. I noticed he is quite a gentleman, he accompanies me home even before leaving for appointment and holds my shoulder when he senses danger and shifts me to a different position, telling me that I’m safer here.

When he texts me he always ends with a “Good morning (afternoon/evening). Hope you had you’re breakfast(lunch/dinner)”. Sometimes he would call me ‘dear’ in his texts like, “You name the place Dear, I’ll try to adjust Smile” and would add emoticons.

But what confuses (and bothers) me is when I respond to his texts (like a simple good morning, a thank you or a you can do it) that doesn’t concern something important he won’t respond. And most of the time he doesn’t respond to my texts unless it is important or if it is a question.

But it’s interesting and surprising that he replied to my text when I shared my problems to him his response was, “You can tell me and it won’t leak, I promise you this” and he did gave me good advice.

Also when he sees me he approaches and talks to me, he even offered to help me in my project and shared me a yummy snack.

So what worries me is when I’m with him my feelings for him intensifies the longer we hangout together. I was starting to question whether I’m in love with him or not, I was thinking that it was mere infatuation but it has been 8 months already and when he’s not present I always yearn to see him.

He is the reason why I changed my entire appearance, I learned to dress-up, fix my hair and put light make-up and started working out. My friends noticed my physical improvements but my bestfriend seems not to even notice. I feel so depressed about this.

I think I’m in love with him just wanting more attention to him than just a mere friend. In the past I had never been crazy on a guy before and never experienced a crush becoming a best friend. Whenever I had a crush either I avoid that person and find any means to get rid of this feeling. So this is my first time and I’m not good when it comes to crushes and love, I’m more into books, art and videogames. I have no idea.

The question I want to point out is, what is real his feelings for me? Since I have a crush on him and I am a geek with no experience in love my feelings for him tend to go overboard.

My bestfriend may be nice but I feel that there is something behind his being gentlemanly. Maybe it just my imagination or maybe he might um well… I can’t tell.

I hate making conclusions about love. In the end I feel stupid, realizing that this was all an infatuation and since I evaluate using logic than my feelings I always believed that he is just being a gentleman and there is nothing intimate with it. I keep saying this to myself so that I won’t feel bad.

I try to forget him make myself busy with other things and hang out with new good friends. But every time I did my best to resist this stupid feelings whenever I meet him this feelings come back again and there goes the battle between my good judgment and my feelings.

I never talked about intimate stuff to him, serious stuff regarding problems, families and people but not love.

I’m not even sure if he’s in a relationship or has been in a relationship as I do not want to touch those issues knowing that he’s very secretive and I do not want to get hurt either, though when I checked his profile in Facebook he stated that his status is single and he doesn’t talk about having a girlfriend.

I just want to know what is his feelings, he’s a very confusing character it’s very hard to read his thoughts. I do not plan to talk to him about this because I know for sure that it will destroy our friendship plus I find it so awkward to talk about this kind of topic.


Apologies to my long detailed question, above all things anything that concerns romance is above my abilities I can’t fathom nor find the right solutions to overcome this dilemma. I would really appreciate your advice and help. Thank you.


ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 08:17 am
@ehBeth,
darkmelancholia wrote:
I never talked about intimate stuff to him, serious stuff regarding problems, families and people but not love.

I’m not even sure if he’s in a relationship or has been in a relationship as I do not want to touch those issues knowing that he’s very secretive and I do not want to get hurt either, though when I checked his profile in Facebook he stated that his status is single and he doesn’t talk about having a girlfriend.


darkmelancholia wrote:
I do not plan to talk to him about this because I know for sure that it will destroy our friendship plus I find it so awkward to talk about this kind of topic.


darkmelancholia wrote:
I just want to know what is his feelings,


he is the only one who can tell what his feelings toward you are.

It doesn't sound like you have the kind of relationship that will lead to a discussion of personal feelings at this point.

If you are interested in him, and in having a more personal relationship with him, you need to consider asking him to meet you for coffee/tea/snack and to start to talk about fun, personal things with him.
anonymously99
 
  -4  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 08:42 am
@darkmelancholia,
Quote:
Hm. Behind my judgment I had this feeling that he does care for me, but only as a friend, somewhat similar to a brother caring for his little sister (though he is 2 years younger than I am but I look younger than him due to my height and childlike appearance and he looks more mature than his actual age). He does have 2 younger siblings with the youngest being a girl who he is overprotective with. Maybe he sees me that way and there is nothing romantic with it. Platonic I presume?


Let's go with, you younger more mature yet insane sister ((who's off her rocker)) and he older immature ((for being completely shallow)) brother but perfectly sane.

Or I may have it backwards.

Should I use emoticons to make you feel more mature than I? ;-P
0 Replies
 
darkmelancholia
 
  0  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 09:23 am
@ehBeth,
Thank you for being so kind enough to breakdown my wall of text. I was in a hurry to post my question I thought I could still edit this once I already posted it, but oh well it won't allow me.

So pardon me for this lengthy unedited text that it caused you the trouble for having difficulty reading it.
0 Replies
 
 

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