How to be less awkward around people

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I want to know what are some cool subjects I can talk about when trying to find new friends. Especially guy friends because I am super awkward around guys and I have no idea what topic to talk about.
I am a quite shy person and I'm awkward around new people but I try to be sociable and talk more with people. Usually, I'm afraid that a topic I will start will be too boring and won't even last long so I just listen to other people talk and then try to say something or how I feel.
But now I want to be the one who starts a cool conversation that can last long but I just can't find any cool subject to talk about.
Any help ?

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[+3] - ossobuco - 04/26/2014Anonymous is a troubled poster. Go on, the rest of us are interested.

When I was an early teen, and even before that, I was extremely shy. I had lots of opinions but didn't really know how to open conversations or just talk with people. That all stopped pretty fast when I got a job after school, working with a lot of different kinds of people.. at sixteen.

Not that you have to do that, and you also may be older - but I figured out that people like it if you are interested in them. I don't mean that you should stand there and ask question after question - I just mean listen when they talk, you might get interested (or not). I remember one of the women at work was interested in horse racing. I asked her about it, and got interested in it myself, though more for the horses than anything about betting. People can be endlessly interesting (ok, sometimes boring) if you listen.

Editing to say -

I don't mean to act very nosy. I'd much rather people tell me what they want to than my asking them things that are none of my business. S0 - there is a happy medium re expressing interest.

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@thisisyiyi,

The conversations that last the longest tends to be the ones where the subject matter keeps changing. The weather, for example, is kind of a dead end, e. g. it's sunny or it isn't. It'll be sunny tomorrow, or it won't. There are a few variations but not many.

But literature, for example, has a lot more variations. So do music, sports, the arts, school, and politics. Become informed, and talk about the news, or at least relate it to what else is being discussed. Follow up when someone opens up their replies. That is, if you ask how someone is, and they just grunt their reply, ask them if they're all right. If they tell you they're not feeling well, express sympathy and ask what specifically is wrong.

Open-ended questions tend to work well for this, too. And practice, practice, practice talking to people.

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Do some volunteer work with kids - ages 8 - 12.

They are absolutely open and full of ethusiasm. You will learn the art of what to say and not say.

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@jespah,

I'm trying to say whatever that comes to my mind and trying to find cool conversations. But it's just so "oldish" to discuss "oh politics..." or so. We are all teenagers but I seem to not know what to talk about like cool stuffs as a teen...

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@thisisyiyi,

How about the other topics she suggested?

1 Reply

@chai2,

Yeah, i just named politics but other things too. I try to talk about everything but let's just say people or should I say teenagers in my school don't seem to be interested in those things. Neither do I actually.

1 Reply

@jespah,

jespah wrote:

The conversations that last the longest tends to be the ones where the subject matter keeps changing. The weather, for example, is kind of a dead end, e. g. it's sunny or it isn't. It'll be sunny tomorrow, or it won't. There are a few variations but not many.

Not in Britain, we can talk about the weather for hours on end. My late mother in law was a case in point, once started you couldn't get her to shut up.

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@thisisyiyi,

thisisyiyi wrote:

Yeah, i just named politics but other things too. I try to talk about everything but let's just say people or should I say teenagers in my school don't seem to be interested in those things. Neither do I actually.

What are they (and you) interested in?

I know how it feels to be awkward around people, especially when you're young.

Eons ago when I was a teen I remember listening to others talk and not at all being interested in what was going on. It made me feel there was something wrong with me.
There wasn't anything wrong, my mind was just moving ahead to the future, and wasn't much interested in typical teen banter.

I wish I had realized then that those few teen years swiftly move into the past, and soon you'll have farther horizons, and will find like minded people.

Now, although I'm an introvert (not shy), I can flare up a conversation with anyone. The trick is let them do most of the talking, and they'll think you're a brilliant conversationalist.

Could be be that you feel you need to keep talking, filling in the gaps that are making your feel awkward?

Learn to appreciate the silences. You don't always have to be the one to fill it.

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@thisisyiyi,

Quote:

I want to know what are some cool subjects I can talk about when trying to find new friends. Especially guy friends because I am super awkward around guys and I have no idea what topic to talk about.I am a quite shy person and I'm awkward around new people but I try to be sociable and talk more with people. Usually, I'm afraid that a topic I will start will be too boring and won't even last long so I just listen to other people talk and then try to say something or how I feel. But now I want to be the one who starts a cool conversation that can last long but I just can't find any cool subject to talk about. Any help ?

What, ((in the world)) are you doing? Thisisyiyi.

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@anonymously99,

what do you mean haha I am trying to make new friends

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@thisisyiyi,

Anonymous is a troubled poster.
Go on, the rest of us are interested.

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@thisisyiyi,

'Cool' topics tend to be those topics that 'everyone' is interested in...and especially those that 'everyone' is passionate/excited about or stimulated by (that is to say - 'cool' topics fall into a range of emotions).

I highlighted 'everyone', because 'everyone' is determined by who your audience is :

- if just one person - the interests you share in common (or that you know they are interested in, and care to become interested in yourself)

- a group - what enough people in that group are interested in

- a different group - what enough people in this particular group are interested in.

If you are a passionate person - that too draws people in, as does humour, as does similarity (hence why people, when they hear the other person doing something go 'wow, that reminds me of when <some similar experience>', does genuine kindness and support etc.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

Hi vikorr. Do your r's roll off onto one another? Making your tongue exercise...

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@thisisyiyi,

You sound so sweet and innocent thisisyiyi. Wink

Ossobuco keeps/insists on trolling me.

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How to be less awkward around people

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