my boyfriend has been lying for 3 years.

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When my boyfriend and I first met, he told me he was going through a divorce. He had his own place to live so I didn't have reason to believe otherwise. we began dating a few months later. Our relationship grew and over time, we moved in together (my place). Every few months I would bring up his divorce (How is it progressing? What's taking so long? ...). He always had an answer. I have been skeptical. So much so that I have looked up his pending divorce on line (public record) only to find that there is nothing there. I have questioned him and he just comes up with a bunch of "I don't know". Yesterday, after more than three years together, he finally had enough of my questions and told me he never even filed for divorce citing laziness and stupidity. He has broken my trust and my heart. Although every aspect of our relationship is everything I want except THAT, I am at a loss as to what to do next. Any advice is welcome.

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 2,700 • Replies: 36

[+3] - Ragman - 04/23/2014He lied to you repeatedly and it's not a small matter. in fact, it's one of the biggest matters between you two. Frankly, he has proven that he's not worthy of your trust. It feels awful and...

@laura w,

He lied to you repeatedly and it's not a small matter. in fact, it's one of the biggest matters between you two.

Frankly, he has proven that he's not worthy of your trust. It feels awful and I'm sorry to tell you this...but he's scum. If it were me, I'd feel there's no recovery - especially because you had to worm the truth out of him..and persist at it for YEARS!

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Although every aspect of our relationship is everything I want except THAT ...

A miss like that is as good as a mile!

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@laura w,

3 years is too long to claim the "lazy excuse". He's also lied the entire time. You can speculate as to his motivation for not filing, and still not be able to trust him, or believe anything. Why did it take you so long to confront him? Maybe, his happy with his current arrangement ( I don't know, but possible). No spousal support? Please tell me he is at least paying half of all expenses..if not he is using you. I would demand a better explanation than " don't know why". Give him an ultimatum. Ask for proof and results....if you feel you can still trust him ( I don't think I could). I think he is hiding something.

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So where is the wifey?

Is she in another state?

An uncontested divorce (with NO children) is relatively quick and inexpensive if both parties agree. Go with him to the lawyers and get it started.

If he refuses to go, then he is hiding A LOT more.

(I sure hope you are not paying the bills for this guy. )

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@PUNKEY,

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If he refuses to go, then he is hiding A LOT more.

If everything was near normal after three years she should be tied into his family and friends and know one hell of a lot more about him and his wife then she appear to know.

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Not necessarily.

I know a guy who had 2 families going at once.

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@PUNKEY,

Quote:

Not necessarily.

I said if everything was near normal concerning this gentleman and his relationship with his three years standing girlfriend.

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@BillRM,

Actually...I wonder myself why it took her 3 years ....

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@Ragman,

Thank you for your input. I'm sure you can understand how difficult it is to see through all the mess when you're in it. Outside opinions matter.
You're right. I have lost all trust. I am just sick inside about it.

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@laura w,

You have my sympathy. Sometime we keep repeating the same mistakes (at our own peril) expecting the other person to either reform or 'do the right thing'. When that doesn't happen, it's time to cut your losses so that you can heal and stop the bleeding.

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@laura w,

Hey, it's gonna be okay. You know what you need to do. So do it, and unlock that achievement in your life.

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@Germlat,

Yes. 3 years is too long. I have confronted him many times throughout our relationship. He always had an excuse for why things were delayed (her not agreeing to certain terms...etc.). He pays for more than half of our household expenses.
He filed yesterday. I don't know if I want to wait around to see what happens. I wish I wasn't in the thick of it. I wish I could see things from an outsiders perspective. Stupid love!

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@PUNKEY,

She lives in another city. They do share a child who spends most of the time with her and some time with us. She also has a live in boyfriend. So I wasn't doubting that this was happening.
He filed yesterday. I just can't stand that it took all this for him to finally file. I feel bitter, betrayed and resentful amongst many many other things.
I am not paying any of his bills. He pays for more than half of our household expenses.

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@BillRM,

Which is the crazy part. I am in close with his family and friends. He told me they don't know he hasn't filed. What gives?

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@Ragman,

A very wise response. Thank you.

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@laura w,

I am confused the wife have move on with a live in boyfriend and you was in the loop as far as his arrangements for child custody with his wife and all he was slow on is filing for a divorce that might upset the arrangements he had work out with his wife and cost dollars.

Unless you was looking for him to offer married to you in the very near future why would a formal divorce to end an already dead marriage be such a big issue with you?

I can understand why he might be reluctant to get the state involved with arrangements, with special note of the child, that seems to be working just fine for them, without a valid reason to do so.

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@laura w,

Did you/do you expect your relationship to change following his divorce?

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@ehBeth,

Quote:

Did you/do you expect your relationship to change following his divorce?

The only logical reason I can see is she is looking to become his next wife and if she is unhappy with him for being slow to clear the way to do so, she would have been very unhappy with me as it took not three years but three whole decades for me to be willing to enter into a second marriage.

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Quote:

Laura said: I am at a loss as to what to do next. Any advice is welcome.

Ditch him! You'll never be able to trust a word he says about anything ever again.. Smile

"If you hang around with losers you become a loser"- Donald Trump

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

LOL ditch him for what misdeed?

Not being eager to deal with the court and lawyers in getting a divorce?

It not as if his marriage is not over as both he and his wife had move on to other relationships.

But he and his child might be better off if he ditch her if she is pushing him to take a step he is not yet completely ready to take.

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my boyfriend has been lying for 3 years.

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