doglover wrote:SCoates wrote:
I disagree. Remember the good over the bad is a mark of character, not gender.
In my breakup we both only remembered the bad for a long time, even though she meant a lot to me, and I always thought about her.
I think it's more about perception and selective memory S. The experience I have is that my female friends tend to bad mouth their ex most of the time. On rare occasions do they say something nice.
My male friends are more likely to come across as less bitter about their ex.
And guys I know talk bad about their exes, and girls talk nice. I think it has to do with the opposite company. In your case, for example, guys don't want to be seen as weak around other guys, but if they're any smart they WILL want to seem kind an emotional around women.
Jim wrote:My wife and I celebrate our 25th anniversary next month. I love her and don't have a regret in the world.
But before we met, I was engaged to someone else. When she ended it, I took it very hard. It took a long time to get over her. I try hard not to, but sometimes I still can't help thinking about her.
I understand that. Was it more frequent at first?
It's almost surprising that feelings can last that long without nurturing.
I just remember being a young airman...far from home with strangers. my friend tells me my girlfriend was cheating on me.
They were looking on the squadron to cut the grass...i was so mad i spent a good quality saturday afternoon cutting raking and baggin the old fashioned way.
Got a free liberty pass cause the squadron yard never looked so good from a guy who was so bent...LOL
SCoates wrote:Jim wrote:My wife and I celebrate our 25th anniversary next month. I love her and don't have a regret in the world.
But before we met, I was engaged to someone else. When she ended it, I took it very hard. It took a long time to get over her. I try hard not to, but sometimes I still can't help thinking about her.
I understand that. Was it more frequent at first?
It's almost surprising that feelings can last that long without nurturing.
Immediately after she ended it, she was all I could think of for several months. Life was most definitely not good then. Now it's at most once or twice a year, usually set off when I hear a song from back then.
Oh, I must have had it way worse than you. Change months to years. Awful stuff though.
Hearing 'our song' can definately bring back memories of an ex...even a tear to the eye. Even TV shows and food can trigger memories. We used to go to Arthur Treachers and get Fish and Chips (the biggest and best fries there ever were) and watch The Love Boat and Fantasy Island every week together.
This thread has me thinking about him. Eh, he was still a jerk. Glad I didn't marry him after all.
Are there people who really "get over" relationships, or is that just fiction.
i'm more likely to remember the " (wh)y "s!
I suppose it's a matter of definition, but even if you don't want to marry someone it's possible to look back and still be sad about it.
I haven't gotten over one of them not because he was great to be with, but because he was a royal bastard. He made my life miserable (and everyone else's for that matter) and I can't seem to bring myself to forget that.
I believe there are many, many different ways to love people, and a full life includes many loves. The fact that a relationship didn't last a lifetime doesn't negate the depth of feeling or the importance of memories. When a relationship ends, you don't necessarily "get over it." You just move on.
Smart, mature people know their partners had lives before them, and they accept that. It's the current life and the future that matter.
As mentioned above, as we mature our needs/wants are so much different than they were when we were younger. People grow and change, if you don't grow together, that's the beginning of the end. It doesn't mean either one is wrong, it just means one of you didn't recognize the need to comprehend what direction the other wished to go.
It's too bad we don't dare confront problems when they arise and choose to go into denial, sometimes for many years, before opting out of the relationship.
It would be much kinder to both parties to say "so long, our relationship isn't working, so let's agree to disagree and move on with our lives...."
Hindsight is 20/20:)
