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I feel like she is my charity case... Please help Urgently...

 
 
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 09:22 am
Hi everyone. I am in a bit of a rough heartily problem. Just i'm gonna focus on the main points rather than giving a soggy story, But I would appreciate some help please.
We WERE together about 7 months ago for 3 years. And she is a very loving ,caring Beautiful girl, with great values and support in a relationship. Things I look for...BUT the issue is we patched things up after I drunkenly asked her back last month at a club where we bumped into each other. I was happy with the single live, and I was happy with the relationship but I am uncertain that she is the one I want. SHE is head over heals certain . Talking about kids and marriage ... Even my own parents didn't take down the photo's of me and her the 6 months .. so just understand she is a very nice girl...

Her family has some issues and she gets comfort in studying and being around my parents and me. But the whole of this month I was dead certain that I am not sure and exited to be caught up in the relationship again.
I spoke to my parents and some friends and I couldn't tell them I'm happy with her with certainty... So i told her last night that I was not sure about us... Now she took our previous break-up really rough But i feel I am to scared to stop the relationship for her sake... Because I do love her. I just don't want to be bound by a relationship... I mean I am turning 21 this year... And want to party freely and Find Myself. not ourselves...

WHAT Is the best thing to do here... Because she Messaged me this morning and told me my uncertainty is eating at her and she needs an answer?
?
Please help
Sincerely
Richard
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 10:49 am
@Cobra-Tech,
Tell her that you were together during your earlier formative years, but these are still your (and her) formative years. And so it would be a good idea to not see each other right now and instead have other experiences. Make it also clear that you are absolutely not ready for marriage talk. Tell her not to wait, that you do not expect that.

She might get weepy or angry. But you are allowed to break up with people without them emotionally holding you hostage. I suspect that some of what she wants is to be hanging around you and your family, but she can do that with her friends or with another guy.

Also - because I'm curious nosy - who initiated the breakup last time? I am getting the feeling it was you. Getting back to her now was not exactly fair to her. So make up your mind - and also stay away. That means no drunk texting, no weepy, "I miss you!"'s or anything like that. I am not necessarily saying to stop all contact but you will need to tone it all down considerably before reconciling, if you do at all.
Cobra-Tech
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 02:02 pm
@jespah,
Yea I needed an outside opinion. on the matter. of someone who has no info on me or her. Because that changed the opinion a lot of what i felt was right ...

I was the one who broke up last time.. I'll hope for the best and do this tomorrow... but I will come online again and continue this chat to as what is best afterwards if you don't mind.?

Sincerely
Richard
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 02:07 pm
@Cobra-Tech,
We don't mind. (Oh, and I agree with Jespah)
Just tell the truth. In the end, it is kinder, or at least less bad.
Cobra-Tech
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 02:16 pm
@ossobuco,
Thumbs Up to the website. I am going to use it as often as possible. I find advice from a (stranger) no offence... Willing to help... much more inspiring and truthfully as a family member or friend.


BTW thanx Jespah
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 02:23 pm
@Cobra-Tech,
I'll add that I am strongly for people not signing up for lifetime togetherness when they are really just getting started on adult life. People have different views on the matter, but that is mine. (I'm a woman, if that matters)
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