My boyfriend and I got in a physical fight. What now?

Reply Sun 13 Apr, 2014 02:22 am
The context: My boyfriend and I have been together for total 4 years we broke up for a few months 2 years ago, he wanted some space. During our "break" he slept with one of my closest friends. I was incredibly hurt (and still am) He begged for forgiveness and I gave him hell of course, I didn't make it easy he took all my insults and anger and won me over. Since getting back together it has been an a pretty amazing relationship. We now live together and have long terms plans (marriage, baby, etc) We get in little spats but nothing crazy, that is until last night.

The story: So I picked him up from having drinks with some friends at a bar. He was pretty drunk but as soon as he gets in the car he's tells me that, he is afraid to tell me but, he ran into that one "friend" and that they talked and caught up a bit. I was so furious and blew up immediately. I began yelling and name calling, I couldn't help it. I felt all those old feelings come up again. He yelled back saying that he regretted telling me and he was just trying to be honest, and that it wasn't a big deal.

I continued my **** talking until we were in bed. He couldn't take it and ended up jumping on top of me pinning me down with his forearm on my neck and his other hand was shaking to punch me in the face. I was so scared but my instinct was to not act afraid and i said something like "go ahead you'd just be a little bitch for hitting a girl" he ended up punching a big hole on the wall thats when i tried to get away. He grabbed me by my neck again this time in a weird upside down halfway off the bed position. He just kept saying how much he wanted to hit me i told him i would call the cops . He then pushes me off the bed and leaves the room for the night.

When i woke up I found him in the living room and suggested we talk about what happened. He didn't seem remorseful and all he kept saying was how he was in the right for being honest with me and it was my fault why it got to that point. This made me so angry, but i held my tongue and walked back into the bedroom. He chased me again slammed me on the bed again and threatened me. Only this time i physically fought back punch him in the face I kicked him and scratched his face up as he pinned be down again. In this new position i thought he was going to snap my neck. I started crying hysterically and he let up. He said he didn't know what came over him and that he was sorry. He then proceeded to make me breakfast, offered to take me shopping, and/or do anything i wanted. I wasn't in the mood but i went along with it.

I just feel so weird about this situation. I know i was being verbally abusive but I feel scared now, that was i side of him i never seen before. Its my fault, i provoked him. I want to tell my friends n family but I'm know what they'll side with me and say to leave him. I don't know what to do about my anger of the past and how to express my anger towards him without belittling him. I guess i am seeking advice from an outsider… should i be scared? does this get worse? what is the best thing to do in this situation?
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Reply Sun 13 Apr, 2014 04:15 am
The pair of you are a mess--you're little better than him. My advice for you is to end it, and to get away from him. After that, you need to learn to control your temper, and not to use words as weapons.
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Reply Sun 13 Apr, 2014 06:49 am
Holy crap!! This guy resents you because he wants to be free (maybe to date others) and he feels trapped. He sounds like he has an alcohol problem, too.
He will make a bad father and a bad husband. .

Let him go - in fact, kick him out.

He will beat you EVERY time he feels pressured or trapped. You will be the one he takes it out on. Be very glad you found this out now.
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Reply Sun 13 Apr, 2014 07:08 am
Do you really want to hang around? And then what'll happen? Will it escalate, again? It has, so that's a possibility. Or will you or he walk on eggshells forever? Or will either of you take this out on your children?

Run, don't walk, away from this train wreck. Put this crap behind you, far, far behind you. And get some counseling, to learn why you could not let something like that go. Learn why you became verbally abusive, and how to not become that way when next angered/threatened/defensive in your life. And maybe also learn to recognize the signs of abuse and potential abuse here - in him and in yourself.

PS His taking you shopping, whatnot afterwards is pretty classic abuser behavior, where the abuse happens and then the apologies and 'making up for it all' are very victim-centric - "We'll do whatever you want," etc. etc., as if new shoes could buy your silence or make you stay.
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