These are gonna bust your gut - guaranteed.

I'm not responsible for any of your medical bills. c.i.


> > SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE; PART I
> >
> > 1. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> > (Juan-on-Juan)
> >
> > 2. What is a Yankee?
> > (The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone)
> >
> > 3. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? (The position of the dirt bag)
> >
> > 4. Why is divorce so expensive?
> > (Because it's worth it)
> >
> > 6. What do you see when the Pillsbury-Dough-Boy bends over? (Doughnuts)
> >
> > 7. Why is air a lot like sex?
> > (Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any)
> >
> > 8. Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
> > (Because Janet Reno is her real father)
> >
> > SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST
> > WARMING UP!)
> >
> > 1. What do you call a smart blonde?
> > (A golden retriever)
> >
> > 2. What do attorneys use for birth control?
> > (Their personalities)
> >
> > 3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? (45 lbs)
> >
> > 4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? (45 minutes)
> >
> > 5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
> > (None, they just sit there in the dark and complain)
> >
> > 6. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> > (Through his chest with a sharp knife)
> >
> > 7. Why do men want to marry virgins?
> > (They can't stand criticism)
> >
> > 8. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,caring,
and good-looking?
> > (Because those men already have boyfriends)
> >
> > 9. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> > (After a year, the dog is still excited to see you)
> >
> > 10.What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> > (The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> > driving)
> >
> > 11.A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
> > (The blonde, because she's 18)
> >
> > 12. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> > (Because they have cotton balls)
> >
> > 13. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
> > (A porcupine has the pricks on the outside)
> >
> > 14. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> > ("Are you sure it's mine?")
> >
> > 15. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
> > (Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck)
> >
> > 16. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> > (Mace will do that to you)
> >
> > 17. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
> > (Everyone has the same DNA)
> >
> > 18. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? (Breasts don't
have eyes)
> >
> > 19. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
> > (He walks around saying "Yo.")
> >
> > 20. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> > (Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it)
> >
> >
> >
> > SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE; PART III (Just Great Stuff)
> >
> > 1. What's the Cuban National Anthem? ("Row, Row, Row Your Boat")
> >
> > 2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> > (A different bar)
> >
> > 3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? (They named him "Sum Ting Wong")
> >
> > 4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
> > (A speech impediment)
> >
> > 5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
> > half-mast? (They're hiring)
> >
> > 6. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> > (A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "A recipe")
> >
> > 7. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
> > (Get another sweet little 80- year-old lady to yell BINGO!)
> >
> > 8. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
> > fairytale?
> > (A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
> > begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****...")
> >
> > 9. My, my, how times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man, we called It the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.
> >
> > 10. Why is there no Disneyland in China? What do you think the answer is?

I'm gonna make you suffer. ROTFLMAO