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Tue 1 Apr, 2014 11:50 pm
In the past several months, my emotional health has continued to fall, and I now believe I am going crazy. I kept a secret from my family, in order to protect one of my sisters. In the five months I carried that burden, I faced extreme depression, stress overload, and intense pressure from the rest of my family.
In the end, the secret got out, and both my sister and I were hurt emotionally. For months I tortured myself to protect her, only to fail. Our family is slowly splitting apart, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I cannot bear to be near my sister in any way, as I blame myself. I know I messed everything up, and I don't know how to fix it.
I deserve to feel the pain I caused, but I am breaking. I am sleeping 14 hours a day during the week, and up to 22 hours a day on the weekend. I cannot eat regular meals, and I am on the verge of tears 24/7. I know I'm slipping. I stay away from the medicine cabinet, because I know how fast I could down a yearsworth of depression pills. I stay away from the kitchen, as I feel the constant urge to slash my arms or throat.
Not sure what to do. I don't know how much longer I can take this, before I lose my mind completely. I'm hanging by my fingernails to the little bit of sanity I have left.
@jadsiasun96,
A few months ago, you asked a similar question - only then the sufferer's name was Anne:
http://able2know.org/topic/218201-1#post-5385591
Furthermore, in this other earlier post, you're allegedly a writer writing a story with your younger sister:
http://able2know.org/topic/214090-1#post-5322475
If you truly are on the edge of insanity, asking here won't get you where you need to be. There's nothing a group of strangers on the Internet can constructively do to help. all anyone here can do is suggest a course of action. If I were in your situation, I'd
immediately seek out a medical professional ASAP. Interestingly, you sound very expressive and clear in your writing.
@Ragman,
That's because I am truly a writer, and writing is the only way I can map out my emotions. The sister I hurt is a different sister than my writing partner.
As for my earlier "Anne" post, the depression was caused by a different trauma, and I was too embarrased to just ask for help.
I have tried seeking medical help. My nurse practitioner says I'm fine, and my doctors say I am in no danger.
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