@Sharanya,
Sharanya wrote:
Hi,
I'm an Indian girl, I had an arranged marriage. I was 26, husband was 30. I knew that husband lived & worked in Singapore, but I didn't know he was so obsessed about staying on there.
Having children was really important to me, I had assumed that its important to my husband too as he comes from a very traditional & well off family & all his cousins have big kids already-he too seemed very traditional.After marriage he told me that he intends to go off to the USA for two years (two years after our marriage) to do an MBA. He also wants me to stay on in Singapore with a job so he can come back & job hunt after his MBA on my Dependent Pass. He hadn't told me any of this before marriage, rather his family had told us that they'd cancelled the marriage alliance of a software engineer girl who wanted to go abroad for just one year for her job as the purpose of marriage was to live together, now we learnt that my husband had always planned to do an MBA he was only waiting to become a Singapore Permanent Resident & since his PR application was rejected the third time(this was another thing we didn't know before marriage, he'd told me he had applied for SPR but hadn't mentioned that he'd applied twice before).Regarding a child, he says that he actually doesn't want a child at all, because the "sufferings" he's gone through, he doesn't want his child to go through, & this is something about which he's had long discussions with his parents, because they obviously want a grandchild. He says he'd even asked them to find him a girl who doesn't want kids, but he might eventually have kids due to social pressure later.
Do you think he'll ever want kids?
Well just because he might have had a bad childhood it doesn't mean that if you two have children that it would be terrible for them. I know many people who had terrible childhoods but they treat their children in ways that would avoid having them experience the same that they went through.
I honestly don't understand the arranged marriage thing. I know it works for some but to me it seems there is always some underline thing that is missing. I understand it is your tradition but the way you have explained it, it doesn't sound all that appealing. It is almost as if he is just using you for his own personal leg up. Your considerations don't seem to be, well, considered.
Perhaps I am a terrible person to get advice from since I'm not really a big supporter of marriage to begin with. But to get back to your question. People change their priorities all the time. He might just be saying he doesn't want kids as a way to control the decision.
If you wanting children was important to you, it probably should have been discussed deeper than it sounds like it was. You never want to assume desires of your partner because it can leave you with broken expectations.
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