The Pitfalls of Marrying an American Woman.

Ha! Rough pubs.....you've just reminded me!

Batley, Yorkshire, Sales Reps gathering, pub crawl in evening.

Three or four of us went into what looked like a nice little High Street pub for a quiet pint after a good Indian meal, and, while we stood there holding our beers and just generally trying to make small talk, the door suddenly opened and in from the street rushed half a dozen Benny Hill lookalikes. Pebble glasses, disheveled appearance, red faces, seedy grin, the lot.
We looked at one another and were suddenly aware that these guys were standing just that little bit too close to us for comfort.
The landlord appeared on the scene and asked us very nicely if we would mind vacating the stage.
We glanced around and noticed that our little bit of pub wooden floor was indeed raised by a few inches.
Mystified, we were shepherded onto the 'lower' floor, whereupon the lights dimmed, music started and a lady who was about the same age as my mum at the time, cavorted onto stage and proceeded to strip naked.

Massive applause from the Benny Hill brigade, she picked up her clothes and dressed in front of everyone (very erotic), before walking to the back of the stage and disappearing through a rear door.
The Benny Hills immediately scuttled out of the pub and ran up to the next pub where she was soon due to appear and strip naked again.

Upon asking the landlord, we found that she did this routine in eight pubs within half a mile of High Street, and had been doing it twice a week for ten years!

I shall never hear "I feel love" by Donna Summer without thinking of that poor lady and her Benny Hill fan Club.

I thought that was hep..

Didn't we all.

He certainly sucks the joy out of life.

Maybe he's an angel headed hipster.

angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night, who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz
Alan Ginsberg Howl

I had a similar experience at a pub, on a Sunday lunchtime, of all times. Only difference was she stripped down to her knickers, then they had a collection to get her to take her knickers off. I didn't contribute, I'd seen enough.

I said, "met on this side of the pond." That doesn't mean I dated any. I only dated Americans, with no family overseas. Sort of preventive maintenance, if a marriage ever went bad, and then any children might wind up thousands of miles from me.

Aside from that practical standpoint, I honestly just prefer those that grew up in the world (aka, culture) that I experienced. Every time I watch a BBC drama, I am interested in all the subtle differences between Americans and Brits. Neither one is better/correct, in my opinion. However, the subtle differences are a needless cause of discomfort, I would guess.

You only dated Americans and still got nowt. You were left on the shelf a long time ago.

I remember when I first heard the word 'hip', and that was from my boss. I thought he got 'hep' wrong.

But, of course, I was wrong - he was starting to use the new wording, 'I'm hip'. That's speaking for Los Angeles, early 1970, dunno re elsewhere.

This is sweet coming from our resident Church Lady. Buzz--kill or Debbie Downer also come to mind. Finn writes with all the gusto of Dorothy Parker and Wallace Berry's love child, very hip indeed. Finn can make anyone his friend, what a pal.

Now now, gb. You'll have him giving us another sermon.

Anyway, the thread, in proper A2K fashion, has evolved. We are now recounting non erotic tales, preferably containing mild nudity and a fair amount of disappointment or embarrassment. Gwyneth can only hold our attention for so long, after all.

Any non-erotic moments you'd like to share, gb? The confessional is open ..........

Ma brother kilt a coon!

Izzy: I had a similar experience at a pub, on a Sunday lunchtime, of all times. Only difference was she stripped down to her knickers, then they had a collection to get her to take her knickers off. I didn't contribute, I'd seen enough.
-----------

Saving yourself for Frank.

Foofus: and then any children might wind up thousands of miles from me.
//////

An obvious plus for any children, Foofie.

American woman, stay away from me
American woman, mama, let me be
Don't come a-hangin' around my door
I don't wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
Than spend my time growin' old with you
Now woman, I said stay away
American woman, listen what I say

American woman, get away from me
American woman, mama, let me be
Don't come a-knockin' around my door
Don't wanna see your shadow no more
Coloured lights can hypnotize
Sparkle someone else's eyes
Now woman, I said get away
American woman, listen what I say, hey

American woman, said get away
American woman, listen what I say
Don't come a-hangin' around my door
Don't wanna see your face no more
I don't need your war machines
I don't need your ghetto scenes
Coloured lights can hypnotize
Sparkle someone else's eyes
Now woman, get away from me
American woman, mama, let me be

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
Now go go go
I'm gonna leave you, woman
Gonna leave you, woman
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye

Um, check out page 1 on this thread JTT.

Whatever, Chai. It bears repeating.

That was a chorus from Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos.

Next up is Nicaragua, panama and Grenada.

Then ..., ..., ...

Penal institution?

"Penal institution..."

I had that once but it cleared up after I started using talcum powder.

I have no idea what you are saying, or alluding to. It must be a compliment, I would guess.

I apologize, I wouldn't wish another boring tirade on anyone here on A2K. Iis also possible that Dorothy Parker & Wallace Berry love child wouldn't be more tedious, so I'm sorry about that as well.

So, ok, non-erotic moments......non-erotic moments.....do scary moments count?????? I have a ton of scary stories I'd share, but they actually happened.
Several years back, we were at a 6 PM movie and stopped by a diner on the way home. It's the typical diner, serves breakfast 24 hours a day, always a fairly busy (however, I have no idea what's its like at 3 AM, those days are long gone). It's inexpensive, food orders come quickly so you can be in and out in 30 minutes if you like.
So my husband was paying the check, and he has a massive sweet tooth. At the cashier desk a huge refrigerated display case is bursting with every imaginable cake, pie, cookie, brownie you can imagine. Mr G mentioned he might get a dessert, so I proceeded to recce the dessert display, and saw a frothy chocolate covered cake things, and said hey Hubby, this looks good. Suddenly I heard a woman ask "what looks good?", I turned to face her and pointed to the frothy cake, repeated, that one. She was about 5'2" with a ton of curly blond hair maybe early 60's, She informed me the frothy cake was wonderful, so I said great because it looks so good if it isn't, somebody should be shot.

Just a few words exchanged between strangers, I figured. Then she leaned in a little looked me straight in both eyes and said "I have a loaded gun in my purse", so I attempted to fit in and said something witty like, OH, you do? Huh, do you think many people carry guns in their purse? I'm nervous now and trying to act like I carry guns everywhere as well, but can only grin like the crazy lady. I didn't pretend to have one, because I just knew she would want to see it, so I just keep saying huh, oh wow, gosh. Then she got even closer to my face and said "OMG I love your mascara, what are you wearing? So I start digging feverishly thru my over stuffed purse and found the miniature version, (takes up less space in the bag) found the piece and told her whatever the name was. And since the whole situation seemed surreal but remotely dangerous I continued to blab and said, if I hadn't already used this myself, I'd let you take it, with that she snapped it out of my hand and said she didn't mind, I looked healthy enough.
Mr. G starts grabbing my elbow and urges me out just as I get a look at the man she's with who has a tattooed head and neck. I hoped they were waiting for a table, because I wanted to get home fast.
What I'm not able to convey is how suddenly this woman glommed on to me, told me about her gun and took my mascara. I'm not saying it was the heist of the century or even a heist, they both seemed a little glittery in the eyes and it didn't seem safe. As we were making our escape, she shouted an invitation to have coffe with them, so I shouted back I would love to but I have to let Rottweillers out, another time.

I don't own Rottweillers, but I do have dogs, suddenly I thought vizsla dogs might not sound like guard dogs ant that could cost me some respect from older leather clad tattooed male with the gun lady.