How to make her not hate me (hopefully)

Forums: Relationships, Desperation, Ex
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so we were talking on fb having a decent casual convo then I noticed when I said bye to her she never replied and well than this happened here is the convo from that point on

Me: you didn't say bye back?

Ex: does? it? really? matter?

Me: not really I guess, but I still want to talk

Me: I just wish we could still be friends

Me: I guess you can't handle being my friend though

Ex: ???

Me: well you've been really cold to me today

Ex: who am i not cold toward

Me: nobody?
I just don't know why you hate me now....

Ex: i dont hate you

Me: Then why are you acting like you hate me?

Ex: im not

Me: ya you are, you couldn't even look at me when I was trying to talk to you and you wouldn't reply to me at all
10 minutes later
Me: exactly you have nothing to say to that

Me: why do you hate me?

Ex: i dont but if you keep asking that i might soon

Me: But you were mean to me today for nothing

Ex: i didnt even say anything to you
other than what i normally say]

Now I just lose it over the next half hour

Me: even though I was talking to you all you did was look away and ignore me
I don't hate you, but for now I don't think we can be friends, I need a week or two
goodbye....
see what I mean you don't even reply to anything
pathetic
wow some friend you are
why the hell won't you even talk to me anymore?????????????????????????????????...

I now feel like absolute crap about what I did, now she more than likely hates me

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,055 • Replies: 9
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@jjytr,

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

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@jjytr,

jjytr wrote:

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

OK, but don't go all silly on me (and probably others) when we reply with something that you don't like.

Have you ever seen The Godfather? If not, I strongly recommend it, purely for one scene that will give you a valuable lesson in life.

So, to re-cap:-

1. Never act desperate.
2. Never whine.
3. Never act desperate.

Ever.

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@jjytr,

The question is going in the wrong direction.

You can't 'make' a person feel anything - do you think you somehow control her emotions? Perhaps you believe you have a remote control for her feelings? Do you practice mind control? No? Why not stop trying to have control over people and accept them for who they are at that moment?

But that's an aside - the real question is - how do I want to handle this in a way that maintains my self respect, and is considerate of where she is at?

Or it could be - how do I maintain a friendship where we both contribute?

Or it could be - what is good for me, and good for her, at this moment?

In every question, there should be consideration for your feelings (and who you are), and consideration for her feelings (and who she is).

Relationships are always about two people...who they are as individuals...and how they contribute to each others lives.

In the end, how she handles her feelings is up to her.

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@jjytr,

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@jjytr,

Why won't she respond immediately to you, at the snap of your fingers, at your beck and call?

YOU HAD TO WAIT A WHOLE TEN MINUTES!!!!

Sheesh, if I were her, I'd block you. You're whiny, desperate, and annoying, and are attempting to be controlling.

Guess what? She's your EX.

You are no longer going out.

She has a life that does not always include you.

She may even be - shock, horror! - talking to other guys. She may be kissing them and a bunch of other stuff. Maybe that's what she was doing in those horrible ten minutes she didn't respond to you. Or maybe she was getting a soda, and her mother engaged her in conversation, and then she ended up loading the dishwasher.

Cripes, grow a pair and stop being so damned needy.

PS The whole "we can still be friends" trope seems to be lost on you. Go and do things that do not involve you contacting her. Have a life away from her, too. Talk to other girls. Kiss them if you like them (and if they let you).

Have a life, and this kinda of juvenile nonsense will never bother you again.

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@jjytr,

All this started because she didn't type "bye" to you when you typed "bye" to her? Are you kidding me? And then you complain to her about it and claim you still want to talk even though you said "bye" and got mad at her for not typing it back?

Frankly, I hope she blocks you. I know you didn't say how old you are, but you're acting like a child. Grow up before you begin another relationship.

1 Reply

@jjytr,

jjytr wrote:

Now I just lose it over the next half hour

No! You lost it at "Me: you didn't say bye back?" or worse even earlier on that timeline and you chosen not to right about something you said earlier in the day and deliberately NOT write it here because you knew for a fact it would bias everyone here (and rightfully so) against you.

Quote:

I now feel like absolute crap about what I did, now she more than likely hates me

After reading everyone of your irrational and unnecessarily hysteric lines in this thread, one can induce that you yourself caused this hurricane of neurotic self-induced pain a long time ago. Why did you read an Encyclopedia Britanica's worth of nonexistent feelings and messages in your friend's mostly benign short sentences?

Your obvious psychoneurotic (an uneducated guess) and you apparently make Woody Allen at his most neurotic look like a postEnlightened Buddha sunbathing on a warm sunny spring morning, with a cool glass of perfect lemonade by his side.

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@CoastalRat,

CoastalRat wrote:

All this started because she didn't type "bye" to you when you typed "bye" to her? Are you kidding me?

He (assuming it's a he) has some serious read between the lines issues. I wonder what he's reading beyond what everyone's wrote here?

Scenario:
Clerk: Would that be vanilla, strawberry, or chocolate?
Our poster: Chocolate please.
His friend: Vanilla please.
Our poster:

WHY DO YOU HATE ME!?!

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@jjytr,

You are kidding - Right?

You let a FACEBOOK conversation define your relationship???

Grow up.

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How to make her not hate me (hopefully)

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