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Fri 14 Mar, 2014 04:47 am
This is a long story. So I was in a deep relationship with my girlfriend (for roughly 3 years). We were deeply in love and committed for life (or so it seemed). She had made promises like 'I cannot live without you', 'I would never leave you even if you make any mistake no matter what', 'I'll always be yours and only yours' etc. And these feelings were mutual. It was a fairy-tale love story.
About 5 months back I was going through one of the worst phases of my life and during this time she dumped me saying that 'she cannot continue this relationship', 'she wont marry me even whenever she feels ready for marriage' and 'don't contact me ever, i won't respond even if you do respond'. I was left shocked and devastated after hearing all this. Circumstances were tough and I could understand her feelings but I never ever thought that she would leave me. We could clearly foresee marrying each other within the next 2-5 years and living happily ever after. But due to certain obstacles (which could be easily overcome) she decided to dump me this way. She didn't meet me or spoke to me but dumped me over a text! I was devastated by the way she treated me. I tried to reason with her and tried to show her the positive aspects of life but she was very adamant. I gave her time. Even though I was going through the worst phase of my life I gave her space and peace to move on with her life. But all this while I was living in misery (mentally and emotionally). I couldn't concentrate on anything (even work) and I ended up staying at home for a while just eating, sleeping and browsing the web. I had lost all the motivation to work.
Eventually, after 4 months we got to speak properly on Facebook (we did speak once in between on my birthday). After all this, she still said that 'she would never marry me, she cant be in contact with me much and she doesn't wanna think about our love'. And we were really close to each other before all this, eternally bound to each other by love (that was our mutual feeling). So I was completely shattered by this behavior and decision of her. I mean I loved her the most in this world and it seemed as if she loved me the most in this world so how could she do this to me! So that day I gave her a piece of my mind and let out all my anger about her. I said lots and lots of things to her straight from my heart which basically meant that she's a cruel and inconsiderate person for doing this to me and toying with my life as such. I felt that I need to let her know her improper behavior with me and get that all out of my system so that even I can move on with my life and concentrate on my work.
After hearing my anger, she said that she was just taking my test and wanted to know what I really felt about her and she said that now it's confirmed that I feel negative about her so she's dumped me completely and ended everything between us full and final forever.
First of all, I did not have anything negative in my mind regarding her before she dumped me. And the way she treated me afterwards, it did give me some negative feelings about her. But now she feels that I had negative feelings about her all the way and that's why her break-up is justified. I am confused, whether I did a horrible mistake by saying those things to her or whether she's a horrible person for behaving such way and taking such test of me? I feel guilty that I've lost the most precious and beautiful aspect of my life because of my words of rage (to me, she was my life!). Please let me know your opinions. It would be great to have both male and female perspective.
@Punk,
I don't know if I understand the question. This is a fairly typical break up story. You had feelings for her that she didn't have. She left. You felt hurt. During this process you both got angry and said things. The relationship ended.
It seems clear to me that this relationship wasn't ever going to work. What you did doesn't matter. You had really strong feelings, but really strong feelings often don't mean a lasting relationship. The fact she pulled away quickly makes it clear the relationship was never going to last.
The last little "I was testing you" is nothing. She was giving you a final little jab before leaving, probably because things got heated. This is not surprising that someone would do this at the very end of a relationship.
It's over. We all go through this. Take some time. Lick your wounds. Move on.
When you answered her rejection with anger and accusations that SHE was cruel and inconsiderate, then you nailed the coffin.
What you SHOULD have done was to AGREE with her that YOU were cruel and inconsiderate. You needed to agree that you were obnoxious enough for her to leave you in the first place.
Now THAT takes some insight on your part. You did not take responsibility for your actions. Instead, you got angry and blamed it all on her. She's probably telling other people that you "just don't get it."
Now --- if these things are NOT true, then be glad that she is gone. But if she had VALID reasons for leaving you the first time, then you did not learn from them.
You need to do some REAL introspection of yourself so this does not repeat itself again.
@PUNKEY,
I did not do any mistakes in the 1st place! Its like all of a sudden a lightning strikes her and she goes 'i cannot continue this relationship anymore!'
And I didn't want to agree with her when clearly she was wrong. But she said that she was pretending to be bad and wrong just to test me! She was expecting me to be quiet inspite of being treated badly by her! That was her test!
And you know what, I don't give a damn anymore. I don't want to be in a realtionship in which my partner takes me for granted and treats me without any care. I treated her so nicely and this is what I get in return so to hell with her.
My point is I knew she was wrong but she's saying that she just pretended to be wrong to test me! That's not love man.....
@maxdancona,
Ok. It's just that she seemed to have the exact same strong feelings that I have (read the 1st para) that's why I was agitated, stunned and sad about her behaviour. It was a straight up betrayal from my point of view! Anyways, thanks for your reply, makes a lot of sense, thx.
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