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My boyfriend gets mad at the smallest things

 
 
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 02:32 am
I've noticed lately that my boyfriend of two years gets really mad at me for insignificant things.

Today for example, he got mad at me for making a comment to his cousin's girlfriend while on a 4 way call. She said i sounded like a robot, I haven't talked to much, but when we first met she had asked her boyfriend ( my BFs cousin) if my eyes were fake. Since my eyes aren't fake they thought I would be offended but i brushed it off. That was about a year ago, and on the four way call today, when she made the comment that i sounded like a robot, i said "why does she think I'm fake" and chuckled and said " its like when she thought my eyes aren't real". After that she hung up, and my boyfriends cousin said why did i do that , and I said " i didn't mean to offended her I'm sorry" He then said " lets hang up on her now" and my boyfriend agreed.

Thinking that they were playing i texted my boyfriend saying " why did she get mad I was playing tell her I'm sorry"
He replied "I"m really pissed at you i don't think you realize it"
I tried explaining to him that i didn't mean to sound vulgar or didn't mean to make it seem like i was attacking her , i simply was trying to make a joke about an awkward situation to lighten it up and that i might of went at it the wrong way.
He said "stfu don't text me anymore"

Other things that he gets mad at me for is making social accounts without telling him and having any conversation with a guy (which is understandable because in the beginning of our relationship i had broken his trust but he forgave me and we decided to work it out) He will get mad if i fall asleep and don't contact him for a few hours while I'm asleep and i try to explain to him that i had accidentally fell asleep, but i feel like he doesn't believe me.

Oh by the way he is 19 and i am 18.
 
RoxyLunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:04 am
@RoxyLunt,
why is no one answering
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:11 am
@RoxyLunt,
1. People are "sleeping" where are you from? I am in Australia so I guess I am awake.

2. Your boyfriend and his cousin and other don't trust you very simple and I suspect they feel that you are fake based on what you have stated.

You have stated that at the beginning of your relationship, you broke his trust but honestly, that does not go away, he may have forgiven but it seems he has not forgotten .

We as human beings male or female are allowed to make mistakes sheez, how do we grow if we don't ? And you are 18 you were 16 a child, sheez.

If he's not man enough to know that you were growing at that point in time and you don't deserve to walk on egg shells let alone but put down and played at, with family (his) and friends and then to be spoken to like stfu, is he worth your time really?

I know 2 years is a long time (well it seems that way ) but just because this maybe your first "real" boyfriend does not mean he needs to make you feel this way.

You didn't ask a question Smile

Tell him to grow up, you were 16, you've been with him for 2 years, he has the trust issues not you, he needs to be a man not a boy and if he can't to find some one else as you are now a mature woman who knows where you want to go.

Do that in his face and watch his face drop before he starts all over again.

Roxy........ Be faithful, be a woman, grow and be you.. No one owns you, you own yourself but in that, you should have togetherness with a partner.

0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:16 am
Get rid of him right now, he sounds more like a control-freak jailer than a boyfriend and you'll end up chained up in his cellar like this poor girl in Under the Dome

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g64/PoorOldSpike/under-the-dome_zpsb5677914.jpg~original
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:20 am
@RoxyLunt,
RoxyLunt wrote:
I've noticed lately that my boyfriend of two years
gets really mad at me for insignificant things.
U need a better boyfriend -- one who does not get mad.





David
RoxyLunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:34 am
@OmSigDAVID,
I cant just delete 2 years of my life just because he gets mad.
Why doe you think he gets mad so easliy over really small things and threatnes to break up with me everytime we get into an agruement
RoxyLunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:41 am
@Romeo Fabulini,
Just throw away 2 years? I was hoping for advice or a theroy on why he gets mad easily could this be a red flag? or is there something i can do or say that can help my situation
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:53 am
@RoxyLunt,
Denial...

No there is not, what you did you did, he can't get over it, another man can if he is not aware . Red Flag is he's treating you like ****.

Why be with someone who can take /accept errors / mistakes, or am I talking to a brick wall?
RoxyLunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:56 am
@FOUND SOUL,
I guess youre right i do deserve to be treated better, but do you think theres a chance we might able to work it out ? I mean during our 2 years weve been through alot and most of our relationship had to be long distance. I was there for him while he was in basic training and tech school. And he was there for me when i was sucidal and depressed and had other problems going on in my life like almost getting kicked out and betrayed by my sister
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 04:04 am
@RoxyLunt,
Hey Roxy.

You know one thing. We all want love and deserve it. It's great that he was there for you, when you were suicidal and depressed and being kicked out . That is what makes you love him the most right?

I guess I for one would like to know whether he latched on to someone that was soooo down and out, or whether he was really there because he fell in love.

YOU do deserve to be treated right.

So can you tell us the full story? I know it will be long, but what do you have to loose? Ignore those that just make blanket statements there are a lot of us here that actually are grounded, mature, older (not much) Smile well actually we are but we've seen stuff if not within ourselves with others, and I know a lot here would love to see If we can help so OK with you?

Most won't reply until tomorrow me neither as it's late but your ages are one thing. His maturity and love another.

Regardless people here do support so let's go for it... OK?



RoxyLunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 04:27 am
@FOUND SOUL,
I guess ill start from the beginning right? well we met right when i got out of a relationship. we had a class together in high school. we got put on a project together and then we started talking. He then asked me out on christmas day after i said all i wanted for christmas is you. sweet right?

well for the first month or so we hardly talked. I then assumed that we werent really a couple and that he was just kidding.
So on facebook i was kind of flirting with another guy, then realized that i didnt really see a relationship forming so i stopped talking to him
later me and my boyfriend started actually talking and it seemed to be going great. i guess he did mean it when he asked me out. He isnt a shy person, he is the partygoing type of guy. So i was confused.

When people asked if we were dating, id say yeah but we arent that serious. Because it was in the first months i didnt want people assuming it was a huge deal.

A few months in i give him my FB password and he noticed that i was flirting with that guy in the beginning , and i tried explaining to him that i didnt actually think you were serious i mean im a shy not popular girl with a kid( i tried holding this info because i didnt want you to judge me but im a teen mom and he is well aware of it.) i thought a popular guy like you was just playing around or flirting.

so after some talking we worked it out, and decided that we will continue dating. He stopped going to parties and stopped drinking, and stayed in with me to skype or talk on the phone. So i thought we had gotten pretty serious.

A year in there is a guy who liked me and he kept flirting with me and touching me while in class, i told my boyfriend that and the two of them ended up getting into a fight on school grounds causing my boyfriend to get in alternitave and we couldnt go to prom.
I didnt tell him to fight him nor did i provoke it, i tried to stop it, and he still blamed me.

My father is in the military so i had to move, but before i did we decided we will try the long distance and be faithful.
Before i moved my sister told my mom that i slept with men to get weed, which is total bogus. so i almost got kicked out

When i moved he had some trust issues but nothing major. then when i visted him one holiday he noticed i had a males phone number in my phone and assumed i was cheating and left me at the hotel.

once we talked it through he said he over reacted and wasnt leaving me . so i told him we need tocommunicate better and he agreed.

im sorry is this getting too long?
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 07:56 am
@RoxyLunt,
Cripes, this guy sees a man's number in your phone and automatically leaps to the conclusion that you're cheating?
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 08:43 am
You are WAY too young to be in such a drama filled relationship.

He is WAY too young and immature to be involved with a woman.

You both have some maturing to do. Please go to school, get a career, get some life experiences with many pople, places and events and THEN get into a mature, loving relationship.

PS - Explore problems that female army brats have with men. Figure out why you need a rigid, controling, jealous boy to run your life.

Sorry to be so harsh, but it pisses me off to see girls live their lives through immature man/boys.


chai2
 
  3  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 08:56 am
@RoxyLunt,
RoxyLunt wrote:

I cant just delete 2 years of my life just because he gets mad.
Why doe you think he gets mad so easliy over really small things and threatnes to break up with me everytime we get into an agruement


Why not?

One important thing to learn in life is when to cut your loses.

You're 18, been with him from the even younger age of 16. Remember how much you've matured between 16 and 18?
Imagine how much more you're going to mature between 18 and let's say 24.

Do you want to look back at 24 and say "I can't just delete 6 years of my life"? At the same time, now you've experienced an additional 4 years of grief on top of the 2 you've had.

A hard lesson to learn is that you cannot make people change. A person will change if they want too, and you cannot make him want to change.

As hard as this is to hear, and as much as you might want to deny it, the chances that you will remain with someone you started going out with at 16 for decades to come is quite slim. People just change, mature, get different priorites at an accelerated pace in young adulthood, which you are just now entering.

jespah
 
  6  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 09:26 am
@chai2,
Yep, and it's a lot harder to cut your losses when you're married, or have a kid, or both.

I left a guy I had been dating for just under two years. He was a controlling jerk and a mean drunk.

I have been married to someone else, who is wonderful, for over 20 years. That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't walked away from the mean drunk and, yes, chucked a couple of years. I chalked it up to a learning experience.
chai2
 
  5  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 10:42 am
@jespah,
Amen sister.

Like you, I had an ex-husband, a little less than 2 years, that was my own personal horror story.

I too am now married a bit over 20 years to my husband.

If I had remained with the first one, I'm not kidding when I say I may have killed myself. I seriously considered it while I was with him.


Oh....to the OP....you also asked "Why do you think he gets mad so easliy over really small things and threatnes to break up with me everytime we get into an agruement?"

Short answer.....Because he knows he can. You let him do that.

He knows the way the scene will play out....He gets angy over nothing, a fight starts, he threatens you that he will leave you.....then, you do your part by one way or another playing the role of the person who "gets him to change his mind"

It's a really crummy play that the both of you act in day after day.

Imagine what would happen, I mean really happen, if the following happened....

You get into your usual fight over nothing, he threatens to break up. This time though, you're just tired of it all. I mean really weary to the bone of this revolving door. It's just ridiculous because you know tomorrow, or the next day, it will be the same thing.

Really imagine this. Imagine how tomorrow, next week, next month, the same stupid tiresome thing is just going to play out again and again and again.

But this time, when he makes his idle threat, you just say, with no malice or thought of "this will show him" or "we'll be back together tomorrow." oranything like that, you just say "All right, we're broken up.", and you pick up your bag, and with no drama, just say "goodbye" and leave.

How does the thought of doing that make you feel? Maybe relief that you're free and can move on?

You can bet your bottom dollar that he will call you, text you, come by to either apologize and let you know he's going to change (he's not) or to continue the fight and make you the bad guy.

If you accept this, then where will you be? Back at square one. Except that now you have 2 years and 2 weeks, or 2 months more of this crap.

Or you can just keep things as they are, and experience 2 weeks, or 2 months more of this crap.

Or, if you were to decide to move on, you would be uncomfortable for 2 weeks or 2 months, then realize how much freer and really happier you are, without fights and threats all the time.

Just a thought.
0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  3  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 11:34 am
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:
He is WAY too young and immature to be involved with a woman.


This is right.

Dump this bozo.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 02:32 pm
@RoxyLunt,
Have to have "three Amen Sisters" . It's funny Roxy, because I think we've all kinda had this guy, yours. And left him and found wonderful partners that we can spend our lives with laughing, never snooping on each other, doing things together, etc. Shirt I had him twice once at 16 - 21, the second at 37 - 44, I tried a bit longer with the second because he was my husband. My now fiancé is just wonderful - should have met him at 16.

I have to say that you made it sound as if you realllllly did something wrong!!! When you were 16 but you just flirted with a guy on facebook? And he still has trust issues?

It seems to me that he really has imbedded into your mind that you are "bad" cheated on him. I don't see that, I see that you were not sure if you were in an exclusive relationship or not, at that time. And, you should not see it any other way.

The fight that he had, then blamed you as well, but all you did was "try" to let him see that someone was flirting with you, not the other way around to let him perhaps, finally take note that you would not cheat on him..Your sisters comments, your phone. Can you see where this is his in-security not yours?

My honest thoughts are this. You are there for three people the first two are more important, yourself and your child.. Both of those two people need to smile, be happy. Then you are there for him but over a constant battle of trying to make he see that you are faithful. It wears you down doesn't it?

You are 18, you are going to grow up very fast the next couple of years and long distant relationships are hard, very hard.

Be assertive. Any time he accuses you from here on end, tell him to grow up, not be so in-secure and when he's ready to apologise to pick up the phone and hang up.

He is not going to change but you can own your self worth and only you can do that.

If he doesn't ring you back Roxy you can walk with your head held high knowing that it was never you rather his in-securities. And, be wary that you don't enter into another relationship whereby the guy is in-secure...

You can't change him on this. He's using it and has used it pretty much throughout the relationship.

There is nothing wrong with having male friends. And in future you don't have to discuss your past, you live for the present and future.



0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 02:46 pm
@RoxyLunt,
Quote:
Just throw away 2 years? I was hoping for advice or a theroy on why he gets mad easily could this be a red flag? or is there something i can do or say that can help my situation


The one thing worst then losing the times and efforts placed in a two years relationship that is not working out is losing the times and efforts in a two years and one day relationship.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:08 pm
@PUNKEY,
Quote:
You are WAY too young to be in such a drama filled relationship.

He is WAY too young and immature to be involved with a woman.


Hmmmm... when is someone old enough to be in such a drama filled relationship? I think many of people tried this in our late teens.

In fact, think 18 is a perfectly good age for drama, I certainly wouldn't want to be in such a relationship now in my forties.


0 Replies
 
 

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