Be the bigger person

Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 10:57 am
Trying so hard to be the bigger person, it is utterly exhausting. Reality is, it would be so much easier to let anger consume you.

The ex put stipulations on people meeting the girls. It was simply nobody can meet them until we are sure we are going to build a long term relationship with that person and also until we have met the new person.

So I find out that a girl that he has known for TWO months has met my kids three times (at first he said two and it keeps changing)... how did I find out? Well for one he lies so much that he can't keep up with his own fables. And two, my daughter told me "daddy told me not to tell"...

It's so hard to be the bigger person. I had to explain to my daughter that she can always tell me anything. I had to choose not to blow up in his face and simply go for a drive to cool down.

This divorce cannot be finalized soon enough. These stipulations will then be legalized.

But it's sad, I want to say "I can't believe he would do that" when reality it is "look, he's back to the same old BS"

Just needed a vent. I can't believe he did that to my daughter and dragged her into any of this.
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 11:02 am
Cooling off, venting release at a2k, good.
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Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 11:03 am
Vent away.

Good thing is, you know what to expect from your ex. That is, that he won't live up to his word.

Maybe it won't be so difficult to be the bigger person, when you think about how small he is.
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Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 11:19 am
"Maybe it won't be so difficult to be the bigger person, when you think about how small he is."

very good Smile
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 03:46 pm
Well put, Jenaia.
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Romeo Fabulini
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 03:55 pm
Crazielady said: This divorce cannot be finalized soon enough

Yes the sooner you're away from him the better..Smile
"If you hang around with losers you become a loser"- Donald Trump
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 03:57 pm
Well, you expected him to jump into a relationship, didn't you? And flaunt it?

My ex did the same thing. Introduced the kids to his "new friend." They were confused by this, but since they lived with me and I was the stable one, they didn't seem surprised. I just diffused the importance of it all.

You will become the "bigger person" by keeping your love life private and discreet.

Carry on; head held high.
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bobsal u1553115
Reply Tue 8 Apr, 2014 07:22 am
@Romeo Fabulini,
And Donald Trump should know all about losers intimately.
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Reply Tue 8 Apr, 2014 07:47 am
How old are the girls?
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2014 07:07 pm
thanks everyone... They are 3 (four next month) and 6
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Reply Tue 29 Apr, 2014 01:24 am
I do have a couple of thoughts :

The bigger person is usually the one who remains themself, because of themself.

That is - whatever the other person does, the 'bigger' person stays true to who they are. This can be done by asking:
- 'Do I want to partake in his/her behaviour?', and
-'Who do I want to be?'

Both questions are equally important.

It looks like you have answered 'no!' to the first question, but haven't yet worked out how to distance yourself from the emotions his behaviour evokes. That's okay, you'll learn how to with time, if you keep going down the path you've chosen.

The answer to the second question isn't simply 'not that' (ie 'not his sort of person')...who are you when he pulls this sort of behaviour? The answer may help diminish the emotional turmoil further.

Best wishes.

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Reply Thu 29 May, 2014 01:45 pm
great post, thanks
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