Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 01:45 pm
Hello, fellow a2k users. I'm new to this site but kind of bear with me as this is kind of long. In november of 2013, I reconnected with an old friend, we'll call her H, through facebook and talked bout general things in our lives. We kept in contact for about a week or so making small talk. Though at this time i was asking everybody if they knew any single women i could get to know for a relationship but to no avail. I then proceeded to ask her and she was aware that i was recently with a girl in a 4+ yr relatinoship but it didnt work out. She questioned me as to what and why we were broke up so i spilled the beans. After i had said that, she had stated that she did not know any single women, but i could come hang out with her sometime. Well i proceeded to agree and we caught up that evening watching movies, and eating pizza talking about old times. I left that night then went home. The next morning she sends me a text saying that she had just woke up but that she had fun the night before as so did i. Later on in the day she asks to hangout again only we go out to eat at a local restaurant and talk a bit more. We ended up coming back and i went home as soon as we did. The next day, same thing text wise, same scenario. We get something to eat and watch a movie. I left again because of having to work in the morning. When i had left that evening, she starts to send me funny, flirty texts and i reciprocated stating that i had fun as well and that she needs to go to sleep. The next day same situation (sorry for repetitive nature) only that this time she asks me to come down a little bit later in the evening. As i did she was more receptive to flirts and advances. Well i ended up staying the night on a mutual behalf and doing the deed then left the morning after. She sends me a text talking about fun again and that if i wanted to i could stay the next night, then the night after and the night after and so on and me being the guy that i am i agreed (who wouldnt). This goes on for about a week and i think we are making progress into a relationship, so i ask her "what are we?" She claimed to say that she did not want a relationship at this time because she had just gotten out of a breakup recently and was not completely over it yet but stated that she was not the type to sleep with more than one guy. So i took it at that and thought well lets keep this up and see if anything changes. Then we proceed for about another month. One day i leave her house to go to work and she sends me a text saying shes gonna need some space for a few days regarding some issues. I didnt respond and left it at that. A couple days later she texts me back saying that she seen her ex in my face for a quick instant and that it was her problem that i had nothing to do with it. As i was a little hesitant of the situation, she insisted that we proceeded. This kept on again for another month as we were growing closer and closer each and every day ( at least thats how i felt). Then out of the blue again i get another text while im at work the same damn space issue came up. So i told her this time that this is really not a fair resolve for this situation as making me feel somewhat resentful. She went on to say that it was the same issue and i told her that i would rather not deal with this for a while. A couple days later she reaches out wanting to reinitiate this situation and i agreed. About this time it was Christmas and we exchanged gifts and hung out as usual. During all this time besides the space issue we had stayed the night with each other practically everynight since we started talking. We proceed to hangout like always and we get to new years. She asks me if i had plans and i told her there was a party my friends were throwing and she wanted to come. Through our mutual friends this was our first time out amongst them as they did not know about us "talking". We had a good time and left shortly after the ball dropped. We get up the next morning to go get breakfast as we were still hungover we had a "marriage expectation" talk and it seemed to have went well. After we leave we come back to her house and i head back for mine. As i got home maybe 10 minutes later she sends me a text asking me how does it feel to date one another? I was relieved at this point to realize we were dating and i told her that its all good and that its alright. She agreed to it as well. After this we would start to do normal things that couples would do, go out act all couply and stuff in public and affectionate. This proceeded to carry on as she would even eventually ask me to move in with her. I was hesitant in doing so so i told her mayber we should hold off on that. This carried on a little bit more. Then out of the blue i lose a little bit of time at work due to financial issues and i express this conflict to her. She was comforting in this situation as she went on to say that it would get better and such. Then as time went on i could sense a difference in her texts a change in her behavior whenever i was around but didnt think nothing of it as i had thought she was getting comfortable. Then in the end of january or beginning of february she sends me a text saying that she doesnt think this will ever turn into a serious relationship regarding the fact that she cant get over that i constantly remind her of her ex. I was irate that she had said this. I said some words on my behalf that it seemed to have been a waste of time and effort that couldve been spent somewhere else. We exchange some heated texts and she insists that i come down and get my stuff later on that evening. I eventually come down after work and i ask her about the issue repetitively and all she said was that she didnt want to think about it. I leave and i didnt hear a word from her for a couple days. I send her a text asking what is going on and she says that she doesnt want a man around as she pines for excuses and such. Being the persistent person i am i try almost everyday for a couple if weeks to talk to hangout but she always had an excuse saying that she was busy or she was tired but no initiative to replan for another day. There would be a couple days we would hangout but i would have to bargain certain things on my behalf for her to compromise. This continues on until this recent weekend when she wasnt home all weekend. I asked her for plans last week about saturday but i got the same excuses as always. But come to find out she didnt have busy time just time for other people. So here i am now. What should I do about this situation, should i move on or should i keep trying on this? Thanks in advance.
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 02:57 pm
@Hurt4Now,
It's a wall of text so I'm afraid I just skimmed but so far as I can tell, the gist of it is the problems in most FWB 'relationships' I've seen - uneven expectations.

The parties to an FWB situation, more than in others, really need to set ground rules and expectations. Is it just sex? Is it sometimes dating? How much going out? Etc. When these expectations are uneven, friction results.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 02:58 pm
Jeezus.....doesn't anybody know how to the ENTER key to make paragraphs!!??

Hello, fellow a2k users. I'm new to this site but kind of bear with me as this is kind of long. In november of 2013, I reconnected with an old friend, we'll call her H, through facebook and talked bout general things in our lives. We kept in contact for about a week or so making small talk.

Though at this time i was asking everybody if they knew any single women i could get to know for a relationship but to no avail. I then proceeded to ask her and she was aware that i was recently with a girl in a 4+ yr relatinoship but it didnt work out. She questioned me as to what and why we were broke up so i spilled the beans. After i had said that, she had stated that she did not know any single women, but i could come hang out with her sometime.

Well i proceeded to agree and we caught up that evening watching movies, and eating pizza talking about old times. I left that night then went home. The next morning she sends me a text saying that she had just woke up but that she had fun the night before as so did i. Later on in the day she asks to hangout again only we go out to eat at a local restaurant and talk a bit more. We ended up coming back and i went home as soon as we did.

The next day, same thing text wise, same scenario. We get something to eat and watch a movie. I left again because of having to work in the morning. When i had left that evening, she starts to send me funny, flirty texts and i reciprocated stating that i had fun as well and that she needs to go to sleep.

The next day same situation (sorry for repetitive nature) only that this time she asks me to come down a little bit later in the evening. As i did she was more receptive to flirts and advances. Well i ended up staying the night on a mutual behalf and doing the deed then left the morning after.

She sends me a text talking about fun again and that if i wanted to i could stay the next night, then the night after and the night after and so on and me being the guy that i am i agreed (who wouldnt). This goes on for about a week and i think we are making progress into a relationship, so i ask her "what are we?"

She claimed to say that she did not want a relationship at this time because she had just gotten out of a breakup recently and was not completely over it yet but stated that she was not the type to sleep with more than one guy. So i took it at that and thought well lets keep this up and see if anything changes.

Then we proceed for about another month. One day i leave her house to go to work and she sends me a text saying shes gonna need some space for a few days regarding some issues. I didnt respond and left it at that.

A couple days later she texts me back saying that she seen her ex in my face for a quick instant and that it was her problem that i had nothing to do with it. As i was a little hesitant of the situation, she insisted that we proceeded.

This kept on again for another month as we were growing closer and closer each and every day ( at least thats how i felt). Then out of the blue again i get another text while im at work the same damn space issue came up. So i told her this time that this is really not a fair resolve for this situation as making me feel somewhat resentful.

She went on to say that it was the same issue and i told her that i would rather not deal with this for a while. A couple days later she reaches out wanting to reinitiate this situation and i agreed.

About this time it was Christmas and we exchanged gifts and hung out as usual. During all this time besides the space issue we had stayed the night with each other practically everynight since we started talking. We proceed to hangout like always and we get to new years. She asks me if i had plans and i told her there was a party my friends were throwing and she wanted to come.

Through our mutual friends this was our first time out amongst them as they did not know about us "talking". We had a good time and left shortly after the ball dropped. We get up the next morning to go get breakfast as we were still hungover we had a "marriage expectation" talk and it seemed to have went well. After we leave we come back to her house and i head back for mine.

As i got home maybe 10 minutes later she sends me a text asking me how does it feel to date one another? I was relieved at this point to realize we were dating and i told her that its all good and that its alright. She agreed to it as well. After this we would start to do normal things that couples would do, go out act all couply and stuff in public and affectionate.

This proceeded to carry on as she would even eventually ask me to move in with her. I was hesitant in doing so so i told her mayber we should hold off on that. This carried on a little bit more. Then out of the blue i lose a little bit of time at work due to financial issues and i express this conflict to her. She was comforting in this situation as she went on to say that it would get better and such.

Then as time went on i could sense a difference in her texts a change in her behavior whenever i was around but didnt think nothing of it as i had thought she was getting comfortable. Then in the end of january or beginning of february she sends me a text saying that she doesnt think this will ever turn into a serious relationship regarding the fact that she cant get over that i constantly remind her of her ex. I was irate that she had said this.

I said some words on my behalf that it seemed to have been a waste of time and effort that couldve been spent somewhere else. We exchange some heated texts and she insists that i come down and get my stuff later on that evening. I eventually come down after work and i ask her about the issue repetitively and all she said was that she didnt want to think about it.

I leave and i didnt hear a word from her for a couple days. I send her a text asking what is going on and she says that she doesnt want a man around as she pines for excuses and such. Being the persistent person i am i try almost everyday for a couple if weeks to talk to hangout but she always had an excuse saying that she was busy or she was tired but no initiative to replan for another day.

There would be a couple days we would hangout but i would have to bargain certain things on my behalf for her to compromise. This continues on until this recent weekend when she wasnt home all weekend. I asked her for plans last week about saturday but i got the same excuses as always. But come to find out she didnt have busy time just time for other people.
So here i am now. What should I do about this situation, should i move on or should i keep trying on this? Thanks in advance.

0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  3  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 03:00 pm
It's a sad situation, man. Been there, done that, as some people around here can tell you.

So, here it is. It's over. Leave it and her alone.
It's going to hurt bigtime for a while and then you'll be stronger.

I think you've dodged a bullet.

Joe(good luck to you)Nation
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 10:49 pm
Sorry, but you moved WAY too fast and way too intensely.

This girl has a mental block about her ex. She unfairly put all this on you.

Just for that, you need to get out of this relationship.


Romeo Fabulini
 
  0  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 11:03 pm
Quote:
Joe said: she would even eventually ask me to move in with her. I was hesitant in doing so so i told her mayber we should hold off on that....
Then in the end of january or beginning of february she sends me a text saying that she doesnt think this will ever turn into a serious relationship

Sheesh! She asked you to live with her and you threw the invite back in her face!
Bad call...Wink
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 11:06 pm
@Hurt4Now,
all of that from November through February?

too much, too soon

walk or run away
Hurt4Now
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 09:56 am
@ehBeth,
I agree it was too fast. But all of the initiation was on her part and also may have been a "rebound".
0 Replies
 
Hurt4Now
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 09:57 am
@PUNKEY,
I agree but maybe it was just that i didnt want to be alone.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 10:10 am
On an iMac, it's the return key.

On being alone, learning how to sustain yourself alone is important in life, and people who can't do that will often have, at some point, a pattern of making bad choices re mates. Being secure with yourself can make for a less crazy relationships.

I've observed countless people stay in unworkable relationships because of fear of being alone. Some of us have other reasons, but fear of being alone is a big one.
Hurt4Now
 
  2  
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 10:19 am
@ossobuco,
That is true. Dealing with the 4 yr relationship i was in i was still having negative lingering feelings about being alone. But i guess this was just something new for both of us and i didnt really have time (about 1 month after previous breakup) to find happiness within myself.
0 Replies
 
Hurt4Now
 
  2  
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 10:32 am
Thanks for the input everybody. I can see the red flags now in retrospect, but i didnt bother noticing them then. In time as i get over this, i will be able to laugh about it as it was all fun.

But being the first fwb situation ive ever been in, ive never had previous experience to this. It felt good to be the center of a girls attention and such, but in time as i progress through this, i'll be better.

Maybe eventually find a girl who wants the same as me.
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 05:45 pm
Quote:
Hurt4Now said: Then she sends me a text saying that she doesnt think this will ever turn into a serious relationship regarding the fact that she cant get over that i constantly remind her of her ex

Well either get plastic surgery to make you look like somebody else, or forget her and move on with your life..Smile
0 Replies
 
 

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