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HELP: Girlfriend stalking old lover for 4 years behind my back

 
 
Vincentteo321
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 08:35 am
@ehBeth,
I admit, it wasnt right of me to go snooping around. I was wrong to do that.
But it wasnt for no reason, I didnt elaborate on it, but it was because of her behaviour of late. Yelling and demeaning me in front of my friends, lying about supper when she actually went to grab a drink at a bar. It was difficult to trust. I wanted to believe in her, I wanted to trust again, thats why I jumped at the opportunity to put my mind at ease.

But well, like many have pointed out, four years is a major commitment and not a rebound fling. I really hope so.

I'll reflect on myself more. Thanks guys.
PUNKEY
 
  5  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 08:52 am
Vincent - time to throw in the towel on this one.

There is no trust in your relationship. You allude to her mooning over a past lover, she says she goes there to get comforted when you two fight. You are more concerned about what your mates think than for her feelings. You snoop, she argues.

Both of you are too immature for a relationship. (and too young, too. This has been taking up the past 4 years Those are vital school/career building, maturing years)
Vincentteo321
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 08:56 am
@PUNKEY,
I guess you are right Punkey. Thank you for the advice.
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  2  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 09:22 am
@tsarstepan,
A fair and thoughtful reply tsar.
Good posts all around.
0 Replies
 
IRFRANK
 
  2  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 09:58 am
@Vincentteo321,
Quote:
I admit, it wasnt right of me to go snooping around. I was wrong to do that.
But it wasnt for no reason, I didnt elaborate on it, but it was because of her behaviour of late. Yelling and demeaning me in front of my friends, lying about supper when she actually went to grab a drink at a bar. It was difficult to trust. I wanted to believe in her, I wanted to trust again, thats why I jumped at the opportunity to put my mind at ease.


I think in a legal sense, information found as a result of your improper snooping is not admissible. Consider that. You should address her lying with her directly. You two need to work on honesty and communications. It doesn't sound like much of that is going on. If you don't trust her. Move on. And make yourself trustworthy.

Ah, the Internet. It's made life so complicated.
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 01:34 pm
I once dated a divorced woman called Miriam, her hub had run off with another woman but she couldn't get him out of her mind and was always talking about him on our dates.
"I still love him" she said, so I said "look, forget him, he had his chance with you and blew it so now he's history!"
But to my shock horror she replied "I still let him visit me to do odd jobs around the house"
I said- "Look, I don't want him coming anywhere near you as long as you're seeing me!", but she wimpily replied "But i still love him!"

That was it as far as I was concerned, I saw her onto the bus, waved a polite goodbye and we haven't contacted each other since.
Nice clean breaks like that feel great..Smile
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 09:43 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
I had a clean break; it was not nice.
I was the one that got broken.
It did not feel great.





David
Romeo Fabulini
 
  -3  
Reply Tue 4 Mar, 2014 10:10 pm
Quote:
OmSigDavid said: I had a clean break; it was not nice.
I was the one that got broken.
It did not feel great.

Depends on the situation mate, for example I dated a fiery-tempered woman for 6 months but it was going nowhere and was practically dead in the water but I let it go on out of habit.
Then she threw a tantrum near midnight one Christmas Eve (can't remember what it was about) no doubt she thought I was trapped and at the mercy of her nagging because I'd missed the last bus and would have to sleep on the couch as usual.
But I surprised her by getting my coat on, saying goodbye, and walking 3 miles home, it felt GREAT every step of the way as if a millstone was lifted off me because I was free of her at last..Smile
FOUND SOUL
 
  3  
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 03:11 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
With all due respect, no one dates someone after a few dates, knowing they are not compatible out of habit. It's usually out of "better than nothing" in which case you are leading / lead her on.

Sounds as if she often "threw a tantrum" but you took it. One thing that gets up my goat is guys that say women "nag" I mean what did you do, that made her that way Smile

What you were free of is yourself, having the in-ability to have walked when you knew she wasn't for you, you were the one trapped because you made it that way..

Hopefully she has found someone she doesn't need to nag at Smile
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Mar, 2014 09:15 pm
Quote:
Found Soul said:@RF- One thing that gets up my goat is guys that say women "nag".
I mean what did you do, that made her that way

She was one of those women who always like a good row over the littlest thing..Smile
For example one evening she'd undercooked the bacon and it was like eating rubber, I'd been chewing it for 20 minutes and it still wouldn't go down.
So when she nipped in the kitchen I fished it out of my mouth when her son wasn't looking and slung it behind the settee for her cat but it wouldn't touch it.
I meant to pick it up later but I completely forgot about it and she must have found it later..
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Mar, 2014 01:26 am
@Romeo Fabulini,
HAHAHAHAHA

Did you think before you wrote that? HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh dear lord.. I mean I used to leave empty chip bags hidden when I was boarding with a house mate and she'd "laugh"..

So she couldn't cook Smile Swallow pride and therefore your bacon next time Smile
0 Replies
 
Jenaia
 
  2  
Reply Thu 6 Mar, 2014 06:50 am
@Romeo Fabulini,
please give more examples, that one was a hoot!
0 Replies
 
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Mar, 2014 05:40 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
You should have turned her in to ole Joe, Om.
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Mar, 2014 06:01 pm
Quote:
Jenaia said:@RF- please give more examples, that one was a hoot!

Ok you asked for it..Smile...
Like I said, I sometimes used to stay overnight at "Bacon Womans", sleeping downstairs on the couch, and one night gone midnight I had to poo, so I crept quietly up the stairs to the toilet, but nothing would come out, just a series of notes on different octaves like the final scene in Close Encounters!
(That always happens when you're trying to krap quietly so's not to wake anybody)
So I crept back downstairs, quietly unlocked the back door and went out to do it in her dustbin. Problem was, it was a wheely bin about 4 feet high, so I had to open the lid and clamber halfway up her garden fence so that I could hang my ass over it and let gravity take over.
At one point her cat wandered past, took one look at me perched up there like a chimp in a tree and bolted in terror!
Next day Bacon Woman asked me if i'd had a good night and asked "Did you hear anything during the night?" and i replied all wide-eyed and innocent- "No not a thing"
Later she gave me some funny looks, perhaps she'd noticed the bin contained certain out-of-place contents..
Jenaia
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 10:11 am
@Romeo Fabulini,
this is getting funnier still, do you have more?
0 Replies
 
vivianzhou
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 08:01 pm
@Vincentteo321,
i think you can talk to her about this thing ,asking if her still love you ,if yes ,why she always focus on a guy that don't mean nothing to her
0 Replies
 
VictorKh
 
  1  
Reply Tue 25 Mar, 2014 06:20 am
@Vincentteo321,
>> I feel really humiliated.
You feel right, I think.
Now your next step - acting humiliated.
0 Replies
 
VictorKh
 
  1  
Reply Tue 25 Mar, 2014 06:22 am
@Vincentteo321,
>>Can anyone tell me why did this happen?

I can. It is as simple as love. You cannot do anything with this.
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Reply Tue 25 Mar, 2014 10:59 am
Quote:
Jenaia said:@RF- this is getting funnier still, do you have more?

Well i used to push Bacon Womans supermarket trolley around following her as she did her shopping, and there was a Santa in the store just before Christmas, so she nipped over and whispered something in his ear and came back smilling, and we continued shopping.
Later when she was preoccupied I slipped away and asked him what she'd said to him.
"She asked me to bring her a nice handsome man for Christmas" he replied.
Huh, what the hell was I, a Frankenstein lookalike or something?
0 Replies
 
 

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