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Can a Cheater ever be Forgiven?

 
 
Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 09:13 am
I was with my ex-fiance for two years. In November I gave birth to our beautiful daughter. The day before she was born I found out that my fiance had been seeing and sleeping with another woman. I immediately broke it off. He lived at my house until Februrary and we constantly fought. Although he said he wanted to get back together and work things out he continued to see the other woman as well as many other girls. We have gone back and forth and decided to work things out and then decided against it. In the past two weeks he has been coming to my house every day and begging for me back. He claims that he will do anything to fix this because he knows the mistake that he made. He seems very sincere but every time I have believed him in the past it has turned out to be a lie. I feel like I need to try to make it work for my daugther because there is a chance that he really has changed and if he has our relationship could possibly be as perfect as it was before. I do not know if I should give him yet another chance for the possible benefit of our family or if I should walk away. I desperately need some outside advice. Please help???
 
BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 09:39 am
@hevans1389,
Past behaviors are a good indication of likely future behaviors.
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 09:57 am
Bill's right.
The upheaval he will cause your family and the bad example he will set for your adolescent daughter in the future is not worth your efforts to patch things up.
This isn't about you, it's about your child.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 10:09 am
@hevans1389,
My outside advice is that all signs are that he won't change, and that by not dealing with what is happening, living on hope, you are putting off inevitable problems. To me, and probably others here, it is wiser to look at your options re legal proceedings.

I've an anecdote to tell of a friend of mine's story. She and he were madly romantically in love, got married, and she became pregnant sometime later. He had an affair with his secretary, who "needed him". She cautiously forgave him, they tried to work things out, and she became pregnant again, building their family. He had an affair again, another secretary, and that time, she divorced him. This was all a long time ago. The children are now in their forties; they still have relationships with their father, but since the divorce, lived a calmer home life and successful lives, far as I know, as adults. The mother, my friend, married again with no big problems in that marriage.

My advice then, is think ahead, with your head.
ossobuco
 
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Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 10:16 am
@ossobuco,
Adds, I agree with Panzade.

On whether a cheater can be forgiven, some marriages make it through infidelities, but the odds are against it with a pattern like the one you are describinbg.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 11:03 am
It always amazes me that people have to ask for advice from perfect strangers in a case like this.

Where is the capacity to THINK!!?
panzade
 
  3  
Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 11:06 am
@PUNKEY,
Punkey, I don't think these posters are asking for advice as much as they're looking for validation of their gut feeling.
PUNKEY
 
  0  
Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 11:14 am
@panzade,
See her last two sentences. She asked for advice.
panzade
 
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Reply Mon 3 Mar, 2014 11:28 am
@PUNKEY,
I read her whole post carefully and I'll rephrase my point.

Sometimes when posters ask for advice they already know the answer; they just want a stranger, outside of their family and acquaintances, to validate their gut feelings.
0 Replies
 
 

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