My ex and I have been sleeping together for five years while he has a gf who is now pregnant...

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And I want to write an anonymous letter and tell her. This girl knew I was dating him when she started hanging out with him and ruined a big part of my life. She was 21 and apparently thought she could ruin lives at such a young age. Fast forward four years after he started dating her, and now she is 25, and got unexpectedly knocked up. Mind you, me and the ex have been sleeping together , talking daily and going out to dinners/day trips for that entire time. I am furious. And done with him hurting me. And honestly do not care about his little home wrecker either.
I want to write an anonymous letter and let her know that her smart decision to have a kid with this despicable man (he is a pathological liar amongst other things) may have been the dumbest thing ever. And let her know exactly how he's been spending his Saturday mornings and Thursday nights once a month.
This girl after having the nerve to steal him from me, would talk about me saying how horrible I was to him (mind you I helped him at a time in his life where he had nothing and I gave him everything and put him back on his feet) and how easy she stole him from me. I know everyone is going to say don't do it, I'm the spiteful one. But I think it's about time to be spiteful after being put down by the both of these people.
What exactly should I put in this anonymous letter that I will be writing?

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@Kitcat8195,

Quote:

This girl knew I was dating him when she started hanging out with him and ruined a big part of my life.

No, your ex ruined a big part of your life. HE CHOSE to sleep with her. Which only shows how little he thought about the relationship he had with you.

So your anger is misplaced. First and foremost, you should be angry at yourself. You have allowed yourself to be put in this situation. You continued to sleep with someone who you knew was seeing someone else. (Or at least that is what your post makes it sound like.) Secondly, you should blame him. He is the one who has been sleeping with multiple women.

Of course, blaming her is easier than looking yourself in the eye and admitting that you are the fool here. So how about just leaving her alone to lie in the bed she has made for herself, forget about him and move on.

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@Kitcat8195,

Quote:

Dear girl who has been duped,

I want to be a jerk to you and the guy who I've been sleeping with behind your back. Because I have decided that sleeping with him is not enough, and now I'm going to put my meanness in writing.

Love,

Anonymous letter writer

You honestly think this is going to do anything, other than record for posterity that you can be petty, immature, and nasty?

Let.It.Go.

She is will learn (and she may very well know this already) what a cheat and a liar he is. You need not be the one to spur that revelation on.

BTW, get yourself tested for STDs. Who's to say this guy wasn't doing some third gal on Wednesdays and Monday afternoons?

Stay out of the drama, change your phone number, and block all attempts at contact. Be done with it.

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@jespah,

I understand exactly what you both are saying here. I am the first one to admit that I was and am the fool. And I was fooled for an extremely long time. I was also a baby at 22 who basically got brainwashed by this man and his enormous ego. My self esteem was at 0 and now it is thankfully starting to pick up.
While I know that anonymously mailing this girl is not only immature but spiteful and mean spirited, it is not her that I am after.
Her punishment is the life she now has to share with a horrible person who will probably leave her as soon as the child is born.
I have been struggling for years (which my own self worth and with trying to get out and also whether or not this other young girl should know).
But doesn't karma have to come around eventually for him?

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@Kitcat8195,

Quote:

it is not her that I am after.

See, you just answered your own question.

Quote:

I was also a baby at 22 who basically got brainwashed by this man and his enormous ego.

No, no, no. Maybe I'm the only person in the country who believes in personal responsibility, but I do. Don't blame him. YOU allowed the situation. There is no shame in that. We all make mistakes when we are young. A mature person takes responsibility for their mistakes without blaming others and learns from the mistakes. But when we continue to blame someone else, we tend to repeat the mistakes because after all, we are victims of someone else. So, I say again. Don't blame him. Doing so continues to give him power. Accept that you made a mistake and walk away with your head held high and learn from it.

Quote:

But doesn't karma have to come around eventually for him?

It will. So concentrate on making yourself happy rather than worrying about him getting what is coming to him.

Good luck young lady. You deserve it. (Keep reminding yourself that. You deserve good stuff.)

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@Kitcat8195,

Kitcat8195 wrote:

And I want to write an anonymous letter and tell her.

How will your letter by anonymous? It's not too hard to figure out who you are. The only reason you want to do this anonymously is because you know you're in the wrong to do it.

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@engineer,

Actually, the reason I would want to do it anonymously is because he has threatened me and made threats about my family to me in the past, regarding if I happen to say anything to anyone the gf may know.
But I understand what you are saying.
I guess having an outside perspective, like coastalrats , helps see the situation from a different light.

1 Reply

@Kitcat8195,

If this loser has threatened you, then go to the cops. Don't take such matters into your own hands. And this is what the police are paid to deal with, anyway.

Do your best to walk away from this drama. A letter is only going to kick up a hornet's nest.

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@jespah,

I actually just did. I apologize for my rash thinking on the post. Just wanted a forum where I could vent and get real life opinions.
But after this guy showed up to get a couple DVDs back and I didn't let him in, I went and filed a report.
At least matters can be close to closed now. As much anger as I still feel lol

1 Reply

@Kitcat8195,

Just be damn happy you not the one tied to this loser for the rest of your life by having a child by him!!!!!!

Lot of good men out there that will treat you right if you allow them into you life instead of the losers.

1 Reply

@BillRM,

Haha thank you. I can see the luck in that not being one. She's lucky if he sticks around for the first three months of this. But I am taking myself out of this equation Smile

1 Reply

@Kitcat8195,

Quote:

But I am taking myself out of this equation

Good an as a personal note when I was a young man looking for a mate it always drove me crazy that highly desirable women would take themselves off the market by having long term relationships with losers/cheaters.

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@Kitcat8195,

The best revenge is having a happy and successful life. Move on.

1 Reply

@BillRM,

I know. It's hard when you're just blinded by everything and can't see a single thing clearly. The pain is still there but at least it's not me and I can continue living a normal life like a 27 year old should without my paycheck a going toward a kid until I am ready. So I understand what you mean. Too many times people get hung up on it. And my personal friends are good to talk to but I needed outsiders opinions which is why i posted. I knew I didn't want to write that letter it was just the insane rage talking. Thank you.

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@izzythepush,

Thank you. I agree Smile

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Thank you. It's what I plan to do. I know it won't help but to make myself seem less the fool I didn't know about the girl until they were dating for about a year and through the mutual friends I was hearing what she said. So I was with this guy for 3 years at this point and kind of just said eff it I was here first and continued and kept on believing his lies. I know it wasn't right. But what the both of them did wasn't right either.
The worst part is a person I've been friends with for years that I've loved wanted me to move to Seattle with him and start a relationship and I stupidly turned jt down because of him in my life.
It's just all of the pent up anger and frustration. A lot of it at myself that I wasn't strong enough, and still don't know if I am, to just say goodbye.
But I will try and I thank you all for not even knowing me and not judging me too harshly and giving solid opinions. It is truly helpful

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My ex and I have been sleeping together for five years while he has a gf who is now pregnant...

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