Not being able to see dying parent while boyfriend just won't help

Forums: Relationships, Family, Dating, Break Up
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So I've been dating a person for almost a year now. 11 months. He's been kind of cheap the whole time. Never bought me anything that I would've made me say "Wow". He's been taking me out to eat. About 2 weeks ago my Father's condition worsened and the cancer is in the last stages. He lives overseas. I happened to be in a real bad situation, lost my job and cannot afford to buy myself a ticket. So I asked this person if he could help me. He is in a situation, that he can afford it. He's been looking at cars to buy and just bought himself a bike for 3000. In the meantime the doctor had a meeting with my family overseas and informed us, my dad can go any day now. He developed fever. This guy told me he would give me $300 towards the ticket. I thought it was so cheap offer and it was cruel to watch me suffer and not being able to see my dad. So I dumped him, and told him that I never want to see him again.
He thinks I'm a gold digger. The last time I met him he offered to give me the whole amount. I told him I could tell it's hard for him and he's not offering from his heart. So I said no. In the meantime, I am very torn. Not sure that I get to see my Dad to say Good-Bye....Not sure if I did the right thing. Additionally every little thing this guy gets me or does he keeps bringing it up. I'm not that type of a person. If I help someone I do it, because it makes me feel good.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,156 • Replies: 14

@mannka,

IMHO, you should find a way that's independent of this guy that will allow you to visit your Dad before he passes. This guy and you should be finished. Clearly he doesn't share the values you find important. And you should not ever ask this guy to help you out.

If a bank will make you a loan..or find some other way, you should steer clear of this guy and deal with seeing your dad before he passes and deal with your grief afterward. No easy task.

You're the one that has to make it happen ...if you can. You may have lost your job...but finding the financial reserves for that visit should be your priority even if it means selling something.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

Yes. I'm working on that as we speak.

1 Reply

@mannka,

Do you have other family members that might help?

2 Replies

@Ragman,

Yes, maybe my brother. I don't think they are in that position. He's got a family to support.

1 Reply

@mannka,

So what? Your Dad is dying! Ask him for help. Pay him back later.

0 Replies

@Ragman,

Yes. You are right about what you said in first reply. I'd rather do it myself as much as I can. I am just still so hurt by this "boyfriend". I need to get over it, but it' s hard. My heart is broken already and feel guilty not being able to be with my family and this whole thing just even makes it worse. I just went through the whole thing 2 years ago with my Mom. She died the same exact way....:'-(...
I'm not over that yet....

1 Reply

@mannka,

mannka wrote:

I'd rather do it myself as much as I can.

However, your father may not be around by the time you do it.

Borrow the money from your brother, or someone else, go to your father.

This is not the time to be worrying about boyfriends. It's time to see your father before he dies.

1 Reply

@chai2,

I agree, my priority is my Family right now. My Dad needs his children more than anything. It will make me feel better, once I'm there.

1 Reply

@mannka,

There are some airlines that will give a pretty steep discount if you tell them you are visiting a dying very close relative (your father obviously qualifies as being close to you biologically plus he is gravely ill). You may need to produce a doctor's note. But seriously consider calling airlines directly and asking.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Yes. I tried Delta. They told me to ask elsewhere. The problem is, none of the airlines fly directly to my country...

1 Reply

@mannka,

Then you might need to get a flight where you have to change planes. Better than not going at all, yes?

1 Reply

@jespah,

I got the ticket leaving this afternoon. He may not make it....my sister thinks...:-((((

Not being able to see dying parent while boyfriend just won't help

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