Depressed Father Acting Illogically

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Hello

This is the first time I use this site I hope to get a response from an expert on psychology.

I am not sure if my father needs to visit a psychologist. Even if he does it will be very difficult for me to arrange such a meeting so I hope some feedback from an expert will help me make this decision.

My father makes illogical financial decisions, like wanting to sell the house and bankrupt his company for the sake of his dying mother. He is completely unable to discuss anything with me and my mother, he tells us not to ask him and that he will do as he pleases, he breathes heavily, he throws things around breaks things, says he wants to get out of the house.

When I say illogical I mean that he is unable to answer basic questions like “where will we get our income if you sell the company?” “How will we renew our visas?” We almost have to restrain him for him to listen. Then after such basic questions, after only a few minutes, he blames my mother illogically: “this is all your fault. I am a simple man. Why aren't you happy? Why aren't you smiling?” Its like he forgot the whole discussion/debate.

Speaking of forgetfulness almost every episode of bad decisions made by my father we have warned him prior and always he comes back to my mother like nothing has happened and he blames her “this is all your fault.” She always warns him and he always makes the mistake she warns him about and yet he forgets; short term and other older things in his long history of bad decisions.

This is especially true when his sister or brother stay over at our house. Its like you flip a switch and he's another person.

I know the way I phrase this might make it seem like something is definitely wrong with him but maybe its just my perception.

So is there a way I can test if he needs to meet a psychologist?

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 820 • Replies: 3

[+3] - jespah - 02/12/2014Have him go to his doctor. His regular old primary care physician. Go with him. Get him to undergo a full neurological workup. Sometimes physical problems mimic psychological ones. Have his doctor...

@solidarity1234,

Have him go to his doctor. His regular old primary care physician. Go with him. Get him to undergo a full neurological workup. Sometimes physical problems mimic psychological ones. Have his doctor evaluate whatever medications he is taking, in particular whether they interact and how they interact.

If necessary, contact the doctor beforehand and express your concerns. If there is a finding that your father could use psychological help, it will probably be better if that comes from his doctor, rather than from you. Why? Because the doctor holds some authority and the doctor can be the focus of your father's anger/blame, if he has any, so that you are spared.

Be prepared for the possibility that your father will be very angry about this. And also be ready for the possibility that you might need to push him to a competency hearing - and for the consequences, regardless of the findings.

This is not an easy position to be in, but his depression (undiagnosed, I assume) could easily lead him to make disastrous financial decisions that will impact you and the rest of your family long after his death. But this is the elephant in the room, and no one likes to talk about it.

Best of luck to you.

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@solidarity1234,

I'm not sure that there are qualified psychologists that visit these forums.

All that said, it appears to me there are a number of things you are unaware of :

- people don't make decisions for logical reasons, no matter how much it looks like it. Studies have shown there in just about every case, there are underlying emotional reasons, and we pair our logic to match such

In other words - does your father have strong underlying emotional reasons for doing what he is doing?

- as a personal observation, peoples primary traits get stronger as they get older. Cynical people become more cynical, kind people become kinder, bitter people become more bitter, people who love learning continue to learn, etc

So, if you name what your fathers dominant trait has been, you can see if it has contributed to this situation you find your family in.

And if he only has this blind spot in relation to his dying mother, then refusing to think about consequences isn't a mental health issue, but rather, an emotional one.

In relation to his blaming your mother for things, say, not being happy - I don't know how one goes about changing such things in older people. I suspect they can only be lead to it slowly, or with great skill

Personally, in situations like this, many people understimate the power of going to see a counsellor / psychologist themselves - to get advice on how to handle such situations, even while they seek elsewhere (like here).

Please consider it, and best of luck.

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You don't say how old your father is. But a complete physical is in order. Call his Dr. and explain what is going on before he goes to his appointment.

This could be anything from diabetes, anxiety/stress, pain, dementia, etc. - or he is tired of all the responsibilities and just needs to retire.

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Depressed Father Acting Illogically

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