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Just found out fiancé may have a child

 
 
Reply Sat 8 Feb, 2014 04:55 pm
I've been in a relationship with my fiancé for over four years now, and we are so in love. In the last four years, we've had the time of our lives; we've travelled to Miami, Las Vegas, Minneapolis, Chicago, Milwaukee, and have done numerous activities in each. We still have great plans for the future! I'm 23 and received my BA last year. We've been adamant about our future and our plans. Just this year, we planned on getting a two-bedroom apartment and getting pregnant by November, and of course, getting married. Two days ago however, my life has felt like it came to a complete stop. He got served by Child Support stating that he has a four-year-old son, and that the mother wants child support. At first, he thought it was a mistake because he has a very common name and wouldn't be the first time the state targeted the wrong guy. After finding her on Facebook however, she said, "Nope, you're the guy." She apparently conceived between October and December, and signed an affidavit stating that she had only slept with my fiancé during the conception period. I'll also have you know, I was not with him at the time. The said conception period was in 2008, I met him in November of 2009. After researching her Facebook, I've learned that she met her husband in November of 2008 and has three young children. It's pretty obvious that of the three, one stands out. But if she's had one-one-night-stand, she'd have others, I'm assuming. On a side note, my fiancé just cannot remember her face, let alone her name. Neither ring a bell for him. He already stated that if he were his child, that he'd sign all the rights over and attempt to remove the child support. Getting a lawyer and getting genetic tests are next in line. Has this ever happened to anyone you know? Is it fair that out of nowhere, four years later, she decides to surprise him with child support? Why do you think she waited so long? Has anyone ever lied on an affidavit? She's been with her husband since the child was born, do you think we could argue that a paternity test isn't needed because of the sake of the child? I'm completely torn and heartbroken about this situation and still feels like a dream. Please be respectful within your answers and give as much info you can on the situation. I haven't told anyone because we're incredibly embarrassed and shocked. Thank you.
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Sat 8 Feb, 2014 05:07 pm
@lincolnrose,
Get the paternity test, and know for sure, and act accordingly.

Who cares how many people she's slept with, or why she waited? Assuming she's within the Statute of Limitations (if any), then the suit is timely. Her child needs shoes no matter who his or her father is, and a test will determine that for certain.

Do people ever lie on affidavits? Is the Pope Catholic?

Like I said, the test will tell the tale.

If the child is your fiancé's, then yeah, he's going to have to pay support, and probably back child support, too. He will also be able to sue for visitation rights. You might become a stepmother. And so it goes. If there is a biological connection, I hope that you and your man can love this child, who is innocent in all of this and did not bring this upon you, or anyone.

This sort of thing happens. Yeah, it's a shocker. But, fortunately, there are DNA tests these days. Consider what things were like 30 years ago - your fiancé could have ended up on the hook for a kid who wasn't really his. At least now, it'll be crystal clear.

BTW, I think you should tell both sets of parents. Prepare them for the fact that they might have a grandchild. And that there is a court case and there is a possibility that it could get ugly.

Recognize that your family might turn out to not look exactly the way you envisioned last week or last month or last year. But this family is no less valid, or less beautiful.

Get the test done.
anonymously99stwin
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 8 Feb, 2014 10:53 pm
@lincolnrose,
Quote:
Just found out fiancé may have a child


You must leave now before it is too late. Leave now. If not then you will suffer a horrible hell. Mentally. Hopefully not physically.
Romeo Fabulini
 
  2  
Reply Sat 8 Feb, 2014 11:59 pm
If an unknown woman accused me of fathering her child I'd be only too glad to take a pat test to prove she's lying!
However here in Britain you have to pay for the test out of your own pocket, I don't know how much but it might be worth it to shut her up.

Alternatively, if I knew for sure that i WAS the dad, i'd talk to the mother to agree how much a week i should pay for the child's upkeep, I'd be GLAD to man up and support my own child.
anonymously99stwin
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 9 Feb, 2014 10:40 am
@Romeo Fabulini,
Sure.. anti baby person.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  3  
Reply Sun 9 Feb, 2014 10:45 am
@jespah,
There's nothing to add to this, except "ditto."
0 Replies
 
lincolnrose
 
  1  
Reply Wed 12 Feb, 2014 03:14 pm
@jespah,
Thanks for your response! We're definitely getting the paternity test done immediately.

I thought I'd mention her partners because if she's had one, one night stand, she's probably had others, which leaves more options regarding men. And you're right, the child does need a father, which biologically or not, the child has one. The mother gave her husbands last name to the child, and has had more children with him. I don't think it matters if it's biological, as long as the child has one.

I think she's a fool for doing this. The child is almost five, and six years has gone by. Why would she just bring in a stranger, and say, "Surprise, son! Here's your real dad, not the one you've only known! And sorry, you have a different father than your siblings."

I'm not sure if she's doing this for child support or because the state is asking.

Also, she's submitting a "new" affidavit as we caught her in the mistake of stating she had intercourse in another state. I mean, who doesn't proofread a few sentences in an AFFIDAVIT? Unbelievable.
0 Replies
 
lincolnrose
 
  1  
Reply Wed 12 Feb, 2014 03:15 pm
@anonymously99stwin,
I've contemplated this!
0 Replies
 
lincolnrose
 
  1  
Reply Wed 12 Feb, 2014 03:20 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
I couldn't agree more! I believe she's lying, but it worries me sick that she filled out an affidavit claiming that she had intercourse with only one man.

In my state, the agency pays for it until the results are revealed. If he is the father, he pays. If not, he pays nothing and the mother and child will have to be paid for out of pocket by the mother.

Honestly however, you'd be more than glad to raise a child you've never known of? Who is almost five years old and calls another man "Dad?" Who has a brother and sister by the same dad? It's way more difficult than you think.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 12 Feb, 2014 03:55 pm
@jespah,
I agree - this is a situation where a small child is involved. It ain't a puppy or even an adult. If he was careless and fathered a child he needs to take responsibility. Would you want to marry someone and have children with someone that does not take responsibility for his actions? What kind of man would that be? Of course he would want to be sure - and I am glad he is taking the test.

I do know one person (although was not asked for child support) that out of the blue - and I mean really out of the blue - as this child was teen, had his teen daughter show up at his doorstep. He had no clue he had fathered this child as the mom never told him. At the (and still currently) he was married with two young boys. He did not turn his back on her - her talked to the mom and she was having problems. He took her in and took care of her as his child (which of course she was).
0 Replies
 
 

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