Reply Sat 8 Feb, 2014 03:23 am
Ok...Ive been dating this guy for a few months and I know he has a best friend who is a woman. Normally, I think this wouldnt bother me. But he was married to her for a brief 6 months before she decided she wanted to be with a woman (she'd already had three failed marriages with men). Its been 6 years since they went their separate ways and yet they talk every day, often discussing intimate details of their lives and how unhappy she is in her current relationship (big surprise there). She sends him photos to his phone consistently and when we are together she texts him sometimes all day long. He goes to her house to fix things and he meets her for lunch and says he has adopted the role of being a dad to her 14 year old son (none of her exes are involved). She recently had a baby with her female partner and my boyfriend refers to it as "his baby." He assures me he loves her as a best friend but is no longer in love with her, but I am a skeptic. I can't fathom why he needs this connection to her or his sense of obligation taking care of her child if their relationship was so brief. I also am trepidatious telling him too much for fear he will tell her. He says he has told her about me and that he loves me and she is happy for him but one of the first questions she asked him was if he planned to move out of town. She wants him to stay in the area for at least another 4 years until her son goes to college.
I don't know why I have this weird feeling in my gut about this friendship. I just don't think its normal for friends of the opposite sex to communicate every single day. And I think there has to be boundaries. I don't want her to be the one he always runs to if we encounter problems. I almost feel as if there was never any closure. She left him to be with a woman and he never got over her so keeps her as close as he can, almost as a back up plan. Can someone provide some clarity? Is this a normal friendship between a man and a woman or do I have reason to be a skeptic? We spent the entire day together yesterday and he never bothered to tell her he was with me or that he was busy and would text her later. Rather, she texted him literally all day long and he responded, telling me all the drama going on in her life. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I love this man. And I want to be with him. But I'm afraid she will be the priority, not me. Someone.....please....provide me with some insight.
Joe Nation
Reply Sat 8 Feb, 2014 09:00 am
He already has a life partner.

Wish him the best.

Joe(break it off, now)Nation
Reply Sat 8 Feb, 2014 12:55 pm
@Joe Nation,
I'm with Joe, I know people who value their barber more than he values you. Dump him.
0 Replies
Reply Tue 25 Feb, 2014 03:58 am
I also agree with both of them... Its time to move on now....
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Reply Tue 25 Feb, 2014 09:54 am
Why do you fret so much about your own feelings, questioning your feelings, wishes, and hopes. You are undermining yourself, undermining your own acts, your own purposes. Tell this man what you want of him and if he doesn't discuss it or refuses you, dump him. Tell him he should be paying attention to you and to his job, not this other woman. You're only exacting for what you want, which is what you want. If he isn't what you want, find another man. (Believe me, it's not worth living with a man who doesn't please you.)
Reply Tue 25 Feb, 2014 09:39 pm
Another way to phrase it is " You can be lonelier with someone, than you will by yourself". It's hollow living with someone who puts you last. Everybody, I mean everybody deserves better.
0 Replies
Reply Tue 25 Feb, 2014 09:49 pm
You're dating a man who has another relationship you're not comfortable with.

You're not going to change.

There's no good reason to expect him to change.

End the relationship - as friends if that is possible.

Find a man whose other relationships are more comfortable for you.
0 Replies

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