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I had a huge fight with my big sister HELP

 
 
Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 05:06 am
I usually write about my days and I can't sleep, so I thought I'd write about the huge fight I just had with my big sister...online, to get some anonymous help! I don't even know what happened really. We were out with a bunch of "mutual" friends. I'm 16, she's 20. One of the guys started flirting with me, and we ended up deciding to leave together. She freaked out, told me that was her best friend's ex and it's not cool and that he's 22 and too old for me. I tell her to mind her own business, she says we're going home and grabs my arm. Yanks me by my sweater, and says goodbye to our friends.

I push her away and tell her to f off, at this point the whole restaurant is looking at us and I don't even care about that. A friend of hers yells out "Hey" and just when I'm about to turn around and tell him to sit this one out, my sister slaps me across the face. I nearly had a heart attack and was so embarrassed that I just ran outside and started running nowhere. I got home very late and got into trouble for breaking curfew on school night... This whole day couldn't have been shitier. (cause I think I'm catching a cold ) I can't sleep. I haven't seen her, even though I know she's home.

I feel embarrassed and so angry at her. I can't face her...in fact, I can't face anybody. I will never leave home ever again! It wasn't just the fight or that she hit me, we've had fights before and she has hit me before...but it was never in public and never in front of friends and people I know, besides my parents. I'm mad at myself for not hitting her back, and for running like a pussy. She overreacted, and I don't even know why it turned into such a big thing...I can't get over this fight, and I can't decide if I can ever talk to her again or if I can ever forgive her for doing that. I'm not sure if I should tell my parents about it. My parents are super strict and if she says that I cursed in public and didn't listen to my big sibling then they might not be so sympathetic.

Please help.I feel like it's the end of the world
 
rykababe97
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 05:36 am
@rykababe97,
I have to go to school now, and I barely got 3 or 4 hours of sleep... my friend said I should text her and tell her how much she's hurt me, but I think that's lame. I admit to being very upset over this, but I have too much pride to admit it to her. She needs to apologize.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 05:52 am
Tell your parents that your sister seems to think it's okay to argue and interact with you by hitting you.

Regardless of her motivations, this should not be the go-to behavior for her - particularly because you're saying that she has done this before.

Your sister needs counseling, and your parents need to know in order to get her the help she needs. Yeah, I went there. This is abuse and it needs to stop. Yesterday.
rykababe97
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 07:56 am
@jespah,
Hi
Thanks for the respond. I don't think my sister's abusive. I think I wasn't clear on that part where I said she's hit me before: we have had physical fights before. I never thought those were weird because almost all of my friends who have siblings fight all the time like that. Idk like throwing anything that's in your hand at them, kicking them, hair pulling, etc. But it wasn't ever serious to me...at least not until you brought it up I have never actually thought of it as anything serious. We're physically a lot like (she's a bit taller) so it's not like there's always just one winner at the end of each fight. It's almost equal. I really love her, she's my life and when he school finishes in two years I'm going to miss her moving out. I don't want to tell my parents because I'm mad at them for being hard on me for coming home late last night and I'm embarrassed. the whole drive to school my dad asked me what was up and I kept quiet.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 11:34 am
@rykababe97,
Most siblings outgrow physical fights a LOT earlier than 16 and 20.

You do not have to take this. It doesn't matter even if you're bigger and stronger than she is (big men, after all, can still be abused even by much smaller and weaker wives).

This is poor behavior on her part and she should not be doing this. By making excuses for her, you're kinda enabling this.

You don't need to go into specifics about the fellow with your folks. Just say something like, "Trish (or whatever her name is) hit me in public. I'm physically okay but I am worried about her because I think this is bad behavior and it's as if she doesn't have the proper tools for dealing with anger."

Because that's what this is. People fight, that part happens. And siblings often fight a lot. But they tend to stop hitting each other when they get older, because they learn how to convey their anger through verbiage.

Even under the best of circumstances, your sister is not dealing with things in a way that shows any sort of maturity. What happens if she marries, and hits her husband when she gets mad at him? You are allowing this.

Stop allowing it. You don't have to take it. And enabling it is not helping her.
rykababe97
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 01:19 pm
@jespah,
That's what concerns me, we don't fight a lot. She's had a break from school and she's going back this week. I don't see her much since she's only back for holidays and some weekends. Even before this, we had our stupid little fights like every other...but I never thought she was violent or anything. which is why I'm so upset about this. It's not like her! I'm beyond mad, and I'm very embarrassed and hate her atm, but I can't shake the feeling that it was so much overreaction and something must have ticked her off more than me wanting to leave with him.

I'm not taking anything, this is not something that happens too often. I'm not justifying her actions, but I'm really fine. Maybe you think I'm in denial and don't want to accept this, but I'm not. I just don't think it's as serious as you're saying it is.

I decided to tell my parents tonight after school. I'm going to tell them why I was late and I'm gonna tell them she humiliated me in front of everyone. I don't care how lame and childish that makes me, I just think there might be something going on in her life that is making her tense. This was not like her- doing this in public and treating me like her property- she's normally really cool and cares what people think.

I have to say the physical fights were from when I was very small like at most 10 or 11. Oh and trust me, when we fight now it's always verbal and with the use of the beautiful, powerful curse words.

I worry about her. she is acting weird, and not just in this case. I think what you're saying makes sense about her marrying and being an abusive wife, but she's not a violent person. I don't know what came over her, and well...this whole discussion with you just makes me feel bad for her in a way and makes me think like it was maybe my fault.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 01:37 pm
@rykababe97,
Oh, sorry, I don't mean to imply that any of this is your fault. But good on ya for planning on telling your folks. If there is something going on with her, then they should be aware, and hopefully they can help.

Family, oy.
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