SHOULD I GIVE UP OR STAY??? REAL LOVE..HELP ME!!!

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Hello my name is Brittney and I really need some honest advice....I went to every aspect on looking for answers because I'm inlove and I don't know what to do....I have been seening this man for about a year and couple of months now and we are not committeed he is afraid of commitment and most of all he goes MIA on me a lot when things get to heavy and deep with us....my heart and everything is telling that he is the one no matter how many times I try to walk away but something keeps telling me to hold on....the frustrating part is when you know you two belong together and he does as well yet he won't and refuse to admit it....and I know for a fact he is not seeing anyone else he family and friends tell me all the time and they love me fore him.yet they say he has changed emotionally from a broken past and he doesn't believe he deserves to be happy....we both been through it all relationship wise and family and we are beyond meant to be together I can't imagine my life with anyone else ...so basically I been in this waiting game for him to finally open his eyes and stop taking me for granted and really see that I'm not going any where...my fear is to keep constantly getting mix signals from this man one minute he wants me the next he is pushing me away....its like he is in a tug of war with his self on trying not to feel anything for me and going down that road again...me and him had moments that people search a lifetime to find and we never argued a day in out times together..and everyday I ever was around him it felt like meeting him for the first time....its just this awe feeling when we see each other...I fear of calling him cuz he so anti social so he rarely ever use his phone and two he doesn't like been on the phone that much anyway...but mainly I don't want to get rejected because now lately he has been trying his hardest to keep his distant..and as a woman I hate being ignored....so my last attempt was to right him a letter pages and pages of words that I said to him about any and everything on how I really feel and what I think of him and things he always wanted to know....you know complete honesty and I totally put my entire heart ont the line for him..all in all I have a mutal friend of ours to deliver the letter to him and told them not to tell him who its from so its been nearly 13 days since he received the letter and I had no response from him at all even tho I stated he doesn't have to respond if he doesn't want to but I just wanted him to know that stuff because life is too short and you just never know..long story short it just been the waiting game for me and I\\\'m. Hurt because he is a good man and I know a good man from a bad one and I\\\'m so blindly inlove because this man has been honest with me since day one...its just we both didn\\\'t expect to get much out of this little dance were doing.....so I just ask please direct in the right direction....what should I honestly do because I refuse to call him first in fear of a negative response because its been four months sense we seen each other and now I\\\'m just numb to feelings of anyone else but him.
Thank you for your time sincerely a confused shattered Heart

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Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 663 • Replies: 14

OMG! You post suffocated me, I can imagine what a 13 page letter did to this guy who shows no interest in you.

I'm sorry, dear, but you are overwhelming him.

1 Reply

@brat22,

You cant fix other people, only yourself. Why are you waiting for someone who may never be available, why
Aren't you fishing for someone else?

Best guess he cant love you because he does not love himself. I likely will never be available. Pick yourself up and keep looking.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Crazy thing is its easy to walk away when there is nothing there I left out a couple of detals..but he is the one who acts as if where together and he has me around his family and friends and its heart weaching because all we are is the relatioship without the title!

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@hawkeye10,

I'm sorry I left out some details....but I never stated he didn't care because if anything he never lied to me on what he wanted in the begging he just didn't think we would get this deep of feelings for each other and neither did i . He is the one who acts as if where in arelationship and he has me all around his family and friends its heart wrenching cuz the love is there the chemistry is there and he and I both know it...and where just both basically the relationship without the title.

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@brat22,

Sure, he plays at being boyfriend because he cant do it. I know this one mom who never feels maternal and does not act very mommy in private with her kids, but put her in front of people with her kids and they are bound to get the good mommy show.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I appreciate your honesty and I'm not saying he puts on a show in fornt of people because he acts that way in private as well and that's what's confusing ...you know when you get to know someone you tend to figure them out in all honesty I figured him out he wants a relationship he just fears not being able to do it again after a long past relationship he has been in and she cheated on him....I get the pain from that and feeling like you don't have the ability to go through that again...yet you must let your heart love again...he yearns the same things I yearn the only problem is they are all actions with no words and then once feelings start to pour out in a conversation he gets spooked and dissappear for a while because he doesn't want to deal with the emotions he figure if he ignore them then they are not there....I told him he has to stop being his own worst enemy....he loves hard and truth be told he has given me his heart he just has insecureties thinking thatt I don't love him like that or care like that at all for him like he wants me to always ressure my care for him which I gave him that letter hoping he would realize I care more than he realize and its killing me because all I ask is for him to finally admit he love me too....he is a very good honest man...but hind his emotions out of fear.

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@brat22,

You haven't seen each other for four months?
He hasn't responded to a letter given to him two weeks ago?

I think you've got an answer right there. Doesn't seem like there's much to give up on.

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@brat22,

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dissappear for a while because he doesn't want to deal with the emotions he figure if he ignore them then they are not there.

IE he is not available.

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ts killing me because all I ask is for him to finally admit he love me too.

you are asking for what he does not have to give

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but hind his emotions out of fear.

what do you want with a guy who is emotionally shut down? I used to do some amateur relationship counselling for people who are survivors of childhood sexual assault, and their loved ones....I remember this one case of a wife who after 25 years finally felt she needed to leave her guy, who was emotionally shut down, which had lead them to be sexless for ten years. Let me tell you she was crushed, and pissed with herself for spending so much of her life in this relationship. In her fifties she now need to start over, and she was very scared, but being with him was killing her, she had to go.

Is this what you want to sign up for?

Seriously, at this point you need to look at yourself , figure out why you seem to want to abuse yourself with relationships that dont give you what you think you want. Are you afraid to put yourself out there and look for better? Do you have self esteem issues? Do you have abandonment issues? TO you have the need to go around saving people to fill some emptiness that is inside of you? Something is going on with you. Find out what it is.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I had family issues that I've delt with when it came to me being adopted and not finding out until I was 21 and now I'm 22 and then I was engaged at the same time I found that out and my fiance cheated on me after 3 years and got another one pregnant....so I say yeah must trust in people have been pretty slim...and I'm a very intelligent and brave woman and God has brought me through a lot and I. Had therapy for it all and I believe I'm stronger than ever....I do fear rejection becaue of what my ex made me feel including my own flesh and blood and then meeting this guy who brought me out of that misery and pain opened me up and trust me there where guys I've dated before he ever came along just to find someone who exactly gets it is enough said...and as far as emotionally unavailable maybe I should choose my words wisely because he emotons are clearly shown and he unselfishly give his self and attention and time to me and make sure I'm safe and protected and cared for....so I'm not trying to sound like a fool in this case but all in all I know where my heart is and my mind and if they both on the same page at the end of the day that's what matters.....I been through a lot this is far from hell and certainly not knocking on its door. I spoke to spiritual advisors and all they told me different because they can see things in him that I couldn't until now and they all stated I'm not on. Wwrong path when it comes to him but my past however was an understatment...and I truly and deeply thank you for your concerns....but I am far from a insecure woman and I have my stuff together and my head on my shoulders and I thank zGod I am not where I use to be.

1 Reply

@brat22,

you are cured and fighting for an excuse to stay with a guy who cant be there for you....gotcha. A year is nothing in soul time, I doubt that you have processed the lie about your origins nor the cheating as much as you think you have.

EDIT: let me guess, the cheating happened after you found out about the lie right? I'd bet a paycheck that you sabotaged that relationship, and that the cheating was just a symptom, which you ignore because you feel free to blame it all on him. If your case runs to norm you ruined a good relationship and then took up with a bad relationship, because you dont believe that you deserve better.

You might want to book some more appointments.

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@hawkeye10,

Maybe maybe not.....but its a process called one day at a time...and I am learning more about myself than I ever known...and truth be told I'm not in the process of still involved with this man because I chose to keep my distance I made that chioce and it stills bother me though reguardless of him responding to me or not...because the last time we spoke words where said and then it had to be given a break or just just plan out be apart so I did.

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@hawkeye10,

No your wrong it was going on the whole to because he was so called getting back at me for what I did to him at the start of our relationship....he was a very insecure man and very obsessed with me and had a love hate thing for me but I didn't see that until after the fact...but all in all our relationship was built on lust not love at all.

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Quote:

but I am far from a insecure woman and I have my stuff together and my head on my shoulders

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.HELP ME!!!

says the Brat.

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@hawkeye10,

Okay throughout the entire conversation I'm getting someone who goes for logic.....but my question is are you trying to find logic or reason?? Because say you want this job and you have the creditals to get it...yet come to find out the job is too far and you have no transportation...so the logical thing to do is to find something closer and make it easier for you to commute....or you can reason and say hey I stand a long bus ride and get up early in the am to go to work and if I work hard I will be able to afford a car to get me them quicker...long story sort tho logic may make sense doesn't always mean its the right chioce to make....because that's just trying to find the easy way out and LOGIC is not always thinking clearly....so I learned that truth be told people will always hurt you in your life my friend...yet you have to find that one who is worth the suffering.... Logic may be the clear thing to do but I never take the easy way out...and asking for help every now and thing don't make you insecure it only makes you human! Thank you very much!

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SHOULD I GIVE UP OR STAY??? REAL LOVE..HELP ME!!!

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